split second decision about the direction of my life. I was suppose to pack up and go to my families home, a safe haven if you will. However, about a week before I was to leave, my family called me and said that they didn't think it was a good idea for me to come there. It hurt me deeply, at a time when my life was at a huge turning point, I was desperate and pregnant (7 months). My parents who are retired, and my brother(39) and my sister (41) live with my parents and pretty much dictate the household(My parents are not in the best of health). They have never lived on their own, I have lived on my own since I was 19. I was very much hurt by the lack of support and "family" that was not present. My parents are desperate to have me "forgive" them for turning me away, however, have offered no help. I have no animosity, just that I don't feel like I am part of that family, how do I make them understand that I got the "no family support" and can we just get past this problem?
2007-02-04 08:20:25 · 12 answers · asked by Austins Mom 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have forgiven them, I keep telling them that it is what it is and it was meant to be. However they keep hashing it and rehashing it. I truly only wanted to start my life over with my family--I had been(and still am) 1500 miles away from them. i have an older autistic son who is 11 and a newborn now. We are ok, but there is nothing like being around family. HOWEVER I have gotten accustomed to being alone, and doing it by myself for 18 years. I just need to know how to get THEM past this--my philosophy is "it is what it is" and so be it just move on. Even though it hurt, I have had a lot more pain. The safe haven wasn't because of the law or anything.
2007-02-04 09:02:28 · update #1
Wow. I am sure you were hurt by this. Are you okay now? Did you find a place to stay and will be okay with your new baby?
It sounds like your parents are overwhelmed with having 2 grown adults in their lives. That isn't healthy anyway to have them living there. You must know though that as an adult going to live with parents...as much as it feels safe...really wears on your self-esteem. Even though they have done his for your siblings...I'm sure no one in that house really feels free and happy.
I went back home as an adult for a short time...that is how I know how it feels. I felt safe, but I got so depressed about it all.
If you can make it on your own....you will be a happier person. I think they probably just freaked out about having not 2 but 3 grown children at home. I am sure at some level they must feel like they failed to raise their children to be independent. This is really important to understand. Also...maybe they are strapped financially. That is a very big possibility, even if it doesn't appear so. They may be keeping it a secret.
By them being desperate for you to forgive them...indicates they do love you. Maybe they are afraid to tell you the whole truth.
I hope and am sure doors will open for you and your baby. You are not saying anything about your current situation...but sounds like you will be okay. This will pass over with your parents the more you are okay. While you may feel a bit envious that you have been on your own your adult life and your sibs haven't...please believe me...you are the better for it and not them. An easy ride, is never what is seems. Be proud to be a strong mom. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, as they say. I have a feeling you and your baby will be awesome. Your parents will stop fretting when they know you are happy. That is all any parent wants.
Best wishes!
2007-02-04 08:39:54 · answer #1 · answered by kallie m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was absolutely a huge disappointment. They want forgiveness and still offer no support? I'm not sure I could get past it. You're a better person than I am I'll tell you, because I would have a lot of animosity. I would be over the moon with hurt and resentment. I know I should be giving you encouraging words, but, I just can't think of any. I guess if you can just realize they will never be there for you and you don't expect anything from them you could get past it. If you can accept the way things are I would at least try. I'm very angry on your behalf and I don't even know you. I wish I knew you, I'd take you in.
2007-02-04 16:32:12 · answer #2 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they were asking you not to move there thinking that whatever you were leaving behind, might find you there at their home, and put them in eminent danger. You're talking about a safe haven, it would be safe for awhile until whoever you are hiding from finds you. I think you should talk to your parents. If they are retired and you have a sibling that is 41 years old, they are at least in their 70's and don't need a house full of grown kids and a grandchild.....they've already raised their kids. It's a little strange that two of your siblings are still living at home. I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt you.....you're their daughter, they love you very much. As you said, your parents aren't in the best of health, so why do you want to add to their daily stress? If you're being abused, there are places that can help you. Maybe you can move back to the town your parents live, find a job, and help yourself. I know I'm sounding mean, but I'm not thinking that way. I just feel that if you helped yourself, you'll feel so much better.....and stronger. You can still have a relationship with your parents, and at their age, you should make things right with them and forgive them. I can't help but feel they and your siblings had their reasons for asking you not to move in. Take care hun, and good luck to you.
2007-02-04 16:37:29 · answer #3 · answered by ksgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why you are so hurt. Your middle aged siblings live there, but you were pregnant, and turned away? I honestly don't get it, one of your siblings should have offered you their room, you were the one who was pregnant, you are the only child to have lived on your own?? Obviously you are the pick of the litter, perhaps your parents think you are the only child capable of making it on your own,(which is true), but they still should have offered you some support, some money would have been nice, to help you out. I think it's great that you want to move on, and forgive them, but if they don't make some concession's, a bout how you are treated differently, well I just don't think I could forgive them either, I wish you had a more understanding family, but some of us don't,(I was on my own at 20, with no help either) I'm a grown women with kids of my own, and sometimes it still hurts). I really wish you the best, you deserve it!
2007-02-04 16:51:19 · answer #4 · answered by Kimberly H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm sorry. But you are obviously the stronger person in the family. Perhaps your family thought that you were out on your own this long that you were able to handle whatever circumstances at the time.
My solution for myself would be to forgive them for not understanding you and being there for you when you needed them. Sounds crazy, but it works and it will help you move on in life. They don't sound like they want to help, are able to help or are just plain lazy to help.
So, just tell them that it bothered you that you were reaching out to them because you really needed them. But that you also forgive them for not being there when you needed them. Once you honestly understand that for whatever reason they were not available to you, and ACCEPT it, you can forgive them. You know that you could never count on them and don't expect them to ever be there. Just move on, don't hinder on the past, it keeps you from moving foward.
My best to you.
2007-02-04 16:38:50 · answer #5 · answered by Tracy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me that it is your freeloading brother and sister that are influencing your parents. They probably feel that if you move back for awhile and have the baby, that they will not be able to get as much out of your parents. Maybe you will be able to talk to your parents when your brother and sister isn't around. Tell them that you understand. Maybe they will be able to help you think of something that you can do. I am sure that there are places near your parents that can help you until you can get things worked out. Hang in there and Good Luck.
2007-02-04 16:53:56 · answer #6 · answered by witchypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is important that you forgive your parents...why your two siblings are 'allowed' to live at home and your were turned away? i don't know...there is probably more to that story too...
sounds like your parents were bullied into not allowing you into their home and I think you are a better person than either of your siblings...
offer the olive branch...arrange to see your parents and start there or if it is impossible to see them then write a letter...
2007-02-04 19:18:30 · answer #7 · answered by skittle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if they were so concerned about your well being why did they refuse u a safe place until u could get your life together? can understand why u don't feel part of the family. the damage is already done, they should realize it.
2007-02-04 16:26:25 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your the mature one to me.The rest of them are sponges.Also sounds like they have an attitude with you, for what ever stupid reason.I'm sure your mom and dad love you they just can't voice it cause of all the guards.
Pray for the truth to come out, it will.
2007-02-04 17:29:58 · answer #9 · answered by gotabedifferent 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats really sad forgive them you said they not in good heatlh and you know you not getting family support so try to find some one else you know and see if you can get there support
2007-02-04 16:31:34 · answer #10 · answered by Summer G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋