By that I mean. I have been dating this guy for about 3 months and I am really digging him. The only thing that bothers me is that I am competing for his attention with two kids that are not biologically his. They are kids of his ex's from HER previous relationship. No, the kids DO NOT live with him and he isnt financially obligated to take care of them. The kids are well aware of who their biological father. However, I guess my guy thinks he needs to be in their lives for whatever reason. Some of my friends and family say its a way for him to still be connected to his ex (he swears its not true and he is always calling her out of her name). However, I feel funny when he wants to hang out with them rather than me or he leaves because he has something to do with them or whatever. Call me selfish, but I dont care. If the kids were biological his, I wouldnt mind at all. I have kids and if I break up with my boyfriend, I DONT EXPECT HIM TO STILL TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS...
2007-02-04 07:54:02 · 9 answers · asked by Hi'deena 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are certainly in a difficult situation. How long were they together? Often times people will grow attached to their ex's children, especially if they were around since they were really young. I don't think it's to out there however he needs to learn some balance in his life. If he spends 90% of his time with these kids, then I'd move on. His priorities aren't you. However if it's only small amounts of time that every now and then interfere with plans you have, I'd let it slide.
I don't think you are being selfish in this. It's a tough one to swallow. If he's only spending the time with the kids and not just going over their to hangout with his ex, that's fine. BUT you are also not in the wrong to be a put off by it. In the end, I think you need to weigh now much it bothers you against how much you enjoy this guys company and the future you might have. Also how much time he's actually spending with them over the ex. If he's not dedicated to spending equal time with you giving you attention and making the relationship work, move on.
2007-02-04 08:01:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable you may not feel great when he's putting them first. But it could be a sign that he's a really caring guy. After all kids are not fully aware of all grown up reasoning - if they got close to him, and he is more of a father figure than the actual biological father than it would be kind of mean of him to suddenly cut contact just because it didn't work out with mum. Tell him your point of view but don't give him ultimatums, just try to find the root cause for what he's doing. If it's only because he doesn't want to let them down then I would wait, as their relationship might just naturally loosen up with time. Surely you might not like it if someone became your kids' best pal and then suddenly disappeared into thin air without making them understand what happened and why things are gonna change. All the best whatever you do!
2007-02-04 08:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by alienor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don’t have self belief this in any respect perchance for some human beings (those human beings don’t favor to be adopting or a minimum of having both organic and followed toddlers). I workers ought to do each and every thing i ought to to threat-free both youthful ones (followed and organic) heck i ought to do an identical if the youngsters weren't even mine and were very few random youthful ones. If it got here all the way down to that i ought to easily threat-free one it should be which each and every one change into really extra ordinary and change into extra rational to threat-free. gorgeous tale Linda and Shanda Sorry some bitter human being thumped you down. some merely can’t settle for the actuality that certain some mom and father fairly do love followed and organic and organic youthful ones both. perchance diverse yet heck all and multiple courting with some different person is diverse. someone would have 8 organic and organic toddlers and their courting with each and every is diverse. rather authentic a great number of human beings answering don’t actually have bio and followed toddlers. it truly is likewise a topic that is what if in a great number of what ifs someone will no longer understand what they are going to do until eventually it occurs. There should be little time to imagine. i understand my mom and father love me no a lot less or extra then my brothers who're organic and organic youthful ones. My dad loves my mom’s 2 sons from a previous marriage (her better 1/2 died) no a lot less or extra then he loves me and my brother (his merely bio infant).
2016-11-02 07:49:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he really does care for those kids and just because him and his ex are no longer together, why break the kids hearts. they probably got attached. i give him a 10 for prioritizing these kids who find a need for him to still be around. why dont you go with him next time he wants to hang out with kids. if you cant except what he believes to be his then you cant expect for him to leave them behind for you.
2007-02-04 08:02:02 · answer #4 · answered by mommylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depend on how long he was in those kids life. maybe he got really attached to them. or maybe it is another way to sneak with the ex. whatever the reason is be careful
2007-02-04 07:59:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They could consider him more of a father then there real father
2007-02-04 07:58:01 · answer #6 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the person really cares about you it really shouldn't matter. if they like you a lot then they'll appreciate your kids a lot.
2007-02-04 07:57:49 · answer #7 · answered by ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
until you know how connected he really was with those kids you cant judge...let him know straight up how you feel..
2007-02-04 07:58:36 · answer #8 · answered by kauaichic420 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, but my spouse does it for me.
2007-02-04 07:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by trinity082482 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋