How do you respond to complaints someone mutters under their breath instead of directly addressing them to you

Question

My DH does this, and will also voice them aloud, either to our kids, or his kids, or to himself in front of them. I have specifically asked him just the other day to stop doing this (saying the things to the kids, I mean) and he responded "Thanks for your input." I haven't heard him say anything like it to the kids since (but it's only been a day) but he's still sniping and muttering under his breath all the time.

Answer 1

I very politely ask "Did you mean to say that out loud?" Or repeatedly and politely ask them to repeat what they've said.

Answer 2

He's probably doing it because he's angry and doesn't want to start an argument. I do the same thing, because I'm afraid what I'm saying will hurt my parter's feelings.
When my hubbind hears me muttering, he simply says " I can't hear you" or " It helps when I can hear what you're saying". I either stop, or give myself a minute to rephrase what I want to say in a nicer manner.
Saying things to the kids is another story. That's simply not acceptable, especially if the conflict is between you two. You need to put your foot down and say this.

Answer 3

What is a DH? Am I stupid?

Anyway, whoever is doing this is lame. Sounds like a personality flaw. They have no balls to say what they need to say out loud, to your face. They continue to undermind your 'knowledge' of how they feel about you.

You could say, "excuse me, but are you still talking? I couldn't make out what you said". Then if they say "nothing" or "nevermind" say something like, "I dont want to leave off like this, I just want to know what's on your mind-you were talking, but I didnt hear you".

Then maybe the muttering will stop if they see they are confronted. Mabye they will come out with the comment, or maybe they'll keep it in.

Either way, I say, confront them, "what did you say" carries a lot of weight. Not in a treatening way, but just a question..."what was that??"

Good luck with your DH...dumb husband? daddy ho?

Answer 4

I really think you need to be direct.Something like"What did you say?,I missed it".
Some people are not even aware that they do these things.
But others use them as a form of less confronting criticism,which just ends up sounding rude.But either way,its annoying and rude!
I would just come straight out and address it.
It appears to have had some effect with the out loud whinging and complaints.

Answer 5

My favorite is "Pardon me, I didn't quite catch that all", all with a wide eyed, smug look on your face. It may happen a couple times more but eventually he will learn to either speak up or keep his muttering to himself!

Answer 6

" Excuse me" most of the time they have no real desire to repeat it out loud. Sounds to me like you dh needs to be put in his place. He is a husband and a father not a whiny child. If you ignore it he will continue this unacceptable behavior.

Answer 7

it sounds to me like he doesn't need to be around your kids. hearing negative things like that all the time is not good for them. who the hell does he think he is?? just because you two couldn't work things out doesn't mean he should be emotionally scarring your children. tell him to shut the f*ck up or youre going to get his visitation or whatever the hell he has taken away

Answer 8

Ask him to repeat what he said I can't stand it when people do that kind of thing. If someone has something to say to me i would rather them say it to my face no matter if it would hurt or not.

Answer 9

Do the same. Mutter something about him.

Answer 10

Try Duct tape