Best way to stop child from throwing temper tantrums.?

Question

She is 7, and at night when she does something against the rules and gets consequences... ie... going to her room, stand in the corner, no dessert, go to bed early... things like that, she screams, whinnes, and cries with tears and if we ignore her, she only gets louder and more abnoxious!

I am implementing a plan right now, and if it doesn't work... I need more ideas. We will go out to dinner this wednesday if neither child cries with their voice. Tears and sniffing is fine, but no crying with their voice... Any suggestions?

She gets this way between 6 and 8 pm. Her father will walk in the room and yell a little because he is ADD and gets caught up in her drama. The boy will act like this if he made a deal with a friend, and did something that prevented him from following through, like going out to play. The both of them are always controlling each other, and are making attempts all the time at controlling me... they have their dad wraped up on their little fingers. He doesn't think so, but I see it. It's a big time control thing. The words they use daily are, "Don't do that! Do this! Why did you do that? Look! Read this! Come here! You should do this! Try this! Don't! You're not doing what I said!" Along with bursts of anger when things don't go their way. It's big time control. "Mom, you should get this. I think you should do that... Mom, I know what you want! And when I tell one kid what to do, the other tries to tell them the reasons why. (I don't let that happen). It's all about control here!

Answer 1

The simplest solution to this particular problem, excuding slapping her, is to take the opposite tack and do something you know she loves, ice cream, a video game, something that to a child is irresistable, but; don't bribe her with it, just let it be known that life goes on with or without us and if we waste time feeling sorry for oursleves we waste opportunities to have fun with others. Try not to become predictable by using the same thing over and over again but always have something on hand just in case.

BTW, rules don't have to have consequences. Actions do.

Ask yourself what is it that you want her to learn from the action that she is doing, and determine if she is in fact learning this, if not make it obvious to her that she is not reaching her potential.

For example, if she refuses to eat her vegetables, take to a hospital to visit someone who has severe vitamin deficiency. If she refuses to do her homework, introduce her to someone who cannot get the job they want because they did not have the grades, or to somebody who had to drop out of school to feed their family. They don't even have to be real people. They just have to be convincing.

Now for a little fine tuning of this idea.

When is she getting this way? At morning? At night? After meals? Before bed? With people? Without people?
When?

Children throw tantrums for more than one reason. Sometimes they have had too much caffiene, some times too much sugar, sometimes their friends have raised their adrenaline, sometimes they are tired and are fighting their sleep. You name it.

Don't assume that they are reacting from a position of control. Normally they are not.

That is what you are there for, to figure out what causes the tantrum. You already know what triggers the tantrum but you need to figure out what is fueling the crying jag that ensues.

Personally, going to bed early is a bad idea. It throws off the child's schedule. Standing in the corner does nothing make her think more about what she is being deprived of and make her want to scream all the more. The same can be said for going to her room.

You need to teach right from wrong and up from down and hot from cold and you can't do that with her in her room.

This is where I get into helping you in particular, or rather her. She needs to feel that you are guiding her because you love her. She has to feel wanted and included in what you are doing. Always use the phrase "I love you" in what you are telling her. Don't use the words can't or don't. As a matter of fact try and avoid all negative contractions. Stress the positive. Get her to want to do things. Tell her she can handle things. Cheer her on
if you see her trying on her own. Compliment her when she succeeds. Don't let her forget you are there. That is what she is looking for. She is looking for you to ignore her. She has had enough of that to this point. End the cycle.

Like I have said in the past, be specific and I can normally put the nail on the head. This was kind of vague so I gave you three things to focus on. I think the last one is aimed specifically at her. The middle one is generally good advice and the first one is advice for all ages.

I can see why they wanted to call this ADHD, she is tempermental and they are looking for a way justify giving her anti-anxiety pills. They figure if she is sedated she will be trainable. She is already trainable. just be patient, observant and loving and she will come around.

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So, she is having night time tantrums and you are getting no parental help from her father. That is what I was afraid of. Was he and their mother seen by the doctor who came up with the ADHD diagnosis? It reads like they are immulating their parents.
My guess is their father tals to them and to you in much the same manner they are talking to each other. That is not something you can change, and telling their father what he is doing wrong is not necessarily a good idea. We are basically talking post dinner, pre bedime/bath. You put them to bed at nine and this should be family time for the four of you. It is the time you should get to know each other better, to have fun with one another and share things with one another that make you happy. A little flattery would help for all of them. Everyone loves a compliment. When you find them talking in definitive statements, command tone, those short declarative statements, ask them what they mean, what makes them say that, who told them that, and how do they know they are right? Slow them down a bit or if you find that too difficult divert them to another topic which has no conflict to it. This is like bull fighting and they are the bulls. get them to run around in the conversation until they are tired and then put them to bed, or do something creative or fun. You have a lot of opportunity her to change things more to your liking. The problem is I think their parents will always hold your efforts back.

So, start off with the big children and see what they are thinking. I am guessing the father is tired from work and that influences his behavior. The mother is not there but she has visitation and that means she is not treating them the same at her place and that is part of the problem. There has to be one schedule. It has to be followed by all and it has to make all three of you happy or it won't do a thing for the kids. If for example you employ a story hour in one house it has to be employed in both houses. the kids will come to depend on that hour as a time when they don't have to think. they only have to listen and imagine what the story is about. The adults can take turns reading and answering the endless questions that the kids may ask. Right now i am curious what the girl would be doing elsewhere at 6-8. She has got to be doing something. What is it?


And don't rule out blood sugar. It is easy to chalk this one up to anxiety or adrenaline but we are talking post dinner. Maybe her metabolism is on a sugar rush of sorts. She might be drawing on that energy to fuel her fits. This is not a diet thing but it may be a hereditary thing. She may be one of those people who will always have a moodish period after meals. They may all have this problem. Try playing music during meals to keep them relaxed, keep their mind off the defensive. It does help.

And like I said. Say "I love you " as often as possible and get them out of the habit of being so negative. Those Can'ts and Don'ts and No's and such are making it impossible to feel positive about what is going on. Make those bulls run around and tell them things to keep them thinking until time is up. It all works together.

Thanks for the specifics.

Answer 2

praise and props to you for enforcing consequences. We have 3 girls (ages 4, 7, and 10). I can tell you from experience if you don't put a stop to this now, it will only get worse. With tantrums from at a young age like 1-4 We use timeout, or just ignore them. Age 5 or older, earns them a spanking. We give them a chance to calm themselves down first by telling them to take a few deep breaths, but if they insist on throwing the tantrum, we take them to time out, close the door, and leave them there until they have calmed. Now if they were 4 or under, that would be it, since we expect more out or our children past this age, they would now receive a spanking.

If my 7 year old daughter were throwing tantrums. Pants would come down, she'd go over my lap, and I'd spank her little bottom red.

Do what you wish, that's what we would do. I have only given ONE spanking for this. It was my oldest who broke the rule. After my middle daughter found out what was in store for her if she tried it, she never did. I didn't expect such good results, I was planing on this being something we were going to have to be very consistent with. If it means lots of red bottoms, so be it. They made the choice not you.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Children tantrum because they get what they want by doing so. We ignore tantrums because we are showing them that tantrums no longer get them what they want and then we reinforce appropriate means of asking for what they want. It WILL get worse when you start ignoring. Why? Because the old way isn't working so they have to make it even bigger. If you give in at that point, you have taught them that even bigger tantrums will get them what they want. You HAVE to stick it out. Sometimes it can take hours but it will be worth it in the long run. After ignoring a few really intense tantrums it will eventually go away.

Answer 4

Be information. Your baby isn't a miniature grownup. Having little journey in coping together with his thoughts, he might overreact whilst he's dissatisfied. attempt to be sure the placement by his eyes.—a million Corinthians 13:11. stay calm. whilst your baby is having a tantrum, dropping your temper won't help. To the quantity conceivable, forget with reference to the tantrum and react matter of factly—Proverbs 19:11. carry your floor. in case you provide in to regardless of it is your baby is stressful, he will in all probability throw yet another tantrum the subsequent time he needs something. gently teach your baby which you propose what you're saying.— Matthew 5:37. Remembering why tantrums happen will help you to stay calm wait and notice. do no longer assume tantrums to vanish in one day, incredibly in case you have given your baby reason to have faith that his habit will sway you. in case you react precise and continually, in spite of the incontrovertible fact that, the tantrums will in all probability shrink. ultimately, they'll provide up altogether. The Bible says: “Love is long-suffering.”—a million Corinthians 13:4.

Answer 5

When I was about four years old, me and my parents went to a mall for some shopping. I wanted to go to a toy store and threw a tantrum when I didn't get my way. My father proceeded to drag me to the furniture section, pulled my pants down and spanked me. Needless to say, I never threw a tantrum again. Pain is the best teacher. (I don't advocate abuse, but smacking her in the A$$ is a real attention getter.)

Answer 6

Completely ignore them, if they get physical discipline them with a time out or loss of privilege.

If you ignore the behavior long enough they will realize it isn't a means to get their own way.

Answer 7

Ignore them. My oldest daughter tried that ONCE. she threw herself in the middle of floor and started screaming and kicking. I stepped over her and went about my business and it never happened again.

Answer 8

With a tantrum, confine her to her room--install a hook/eye lock so she can't get out. DO NOT RELENT!! When she sees that it doesn't pay to throw tantrums, she will stop.

Answer 9

This is soooo hard, but you absolutely HAVE to ignore them. No matter how loud and obnoxious they get.

It's sooo hard, but it works.

Answer 10

Try a good old fashioned spanking.