I want responses from parents only on this one. I have a ten-year-old daugther who visits me every other weekend. My girlfriend and I were invited to a wedding in Yosemite in June, and it happens to fall on a weekend when my daughter is scheduled to visit. I was looking forward to bringing my daughter with us, until I read the fine print. No children allowed at the ceremony. The lodge concierge can arrange for babysitting during the ceremony. I realize my friends have the right to choose this option, and I think it is in response to unruly kids with ineffective parents. I'm wondering how to bow out gracefully and not make an issue of the 'kids not welcome' conflict.
And this weekend, something like this happened again. An elderly couple invited me and my girlfriend to a Super Bowl party... until they found out my daughter was visiting. No kids allowed. I resent childless couples drawing these boundaries. Sign me, fed up.
2007-02-04 05:19:26 · 21 answers · asked by ArmsAndMan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Nicely explain to both parties that Your child comes first. Assuming she does. Explain that since you only get to see you child every other weekend and it is important that you spend that time with your child not having that child be babysat by someone else who is getting your special time with your child. Also explain you would really have liked to go if the child had not been an issue and you are sorry they have had bad experiences in the past then wish them well and have lots of fun with your child because they are only young one time.
2007-02-04 05:26:30 · answer #1 · answered by 'lil peanut 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I'm a little confused because the invite says "no children allowed at the CEREMONY." If I received an invite like that, I would think it meant that children are allowed to attend the reception. However, before I went ahead and assumed that, I'd check with the bride and groom or someone in the family who might know. I think, if you'd really like to go, it would be ok for you to contact them and explain that, while you'd love to attend, it is your weekend with your daughter and you don't want to spend that much time away from her...after all, a weekend isn't all that long. I'm sure they'll understand. Then again, you don't really need to give them a reason why you're not attending!
If indeed children are allowed at the reception, then I would arrange for babysitting during the ceremony and then pick up your daughter after for the reception. The actual ceremony shouldn't be all that long.
Being a mother, I understand completely, either way. Some children just will not sit still long enough to not interrupt the ceremony. As for the reception, the couple (or whomever is paying for it) has to pay for children, as well. We had a buffet style reception and the price was the same for children and adults. If you allow people to bring their kids, that can get really expensive and most kids don't eat that much.
As for the Super Bowl party, I can't see any reason for it to be adults only. I mean, I'd understand if you had a bunch of young, unruly children, but just one 10 year old girl. I see no reason why she can't be included in that.
2007-02-04 15:48:41 · answer #2 · answered by Amy Lynn 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Then simply don't go to the childless couple's get togethers. That's simple. But the people throwing the parties, weddings, etc., have the right to include and exclude anyone they so choose. You can tell them (politely) that you'd love to attend, but it's your weekend with your daughter, and you have to spend the time with her when you can. I don't know if the excluding kids is because they're unruly, I think it's just there are some things (especially if it involved alcohol) that I don't think children belong at. I know in weddings, it's also a matter of money, when you're having to pay $75+ for each person at that reception (generally there aren't discounts for kids), then you pick the people carefully, and one way to do that is to leave the kids out, because then you can have more of your friends and family there.
The other thing you can do, is talk with your daughter's mother, explain about the wedding, and see if you guys can simply switch weekends. That way you and your girlfriend would still be able to go to the wedding, and you'd still spend as much time with your daughter.
You can resent the childless couples drawing the boundaries all you want, but there's nothing you can do about it. Personally, I enjoy spending an evening away from my children, but then I'm with them all the time.
2007-02-04 15:20:50 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Yes unfotunately the good parents pay for the sins of the bad ones, I've seen the things some parents let their kids do and is so upsetting.
About the Yosemite invitation I see no problem with the babysitting, at least they gave you an option, and is "only" for the ceremony; is clear that for the wedding party there will be no problem.
But if you still don't want to go and don't want make an issue of the "no children allow" policy then don't make it, just give any excuse, sometimes a white lie is better than a hurting true, just tell them any thing, that your kid had something in mind and you don't want to break her heart, that you got work to do and can't do anything, that you promised that date to something else, just tell any polite excuse and don't mention the "no kids" situation.
2007-02-04 13:36:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Well I think it is the right of the childless couples out there to put up a no-kid boundary, but if they do so they need to accept that their friends with children probably won't show up. Getting a babysitter isn't always the easiest thing to do. I don't usually resent the no-child rule, because I don't like taking my kids to weddings, or more adult-like parties anyways... I don't think you have to give them an excuse unless they ask for one, and if they do. Be honest. Send them a gift, and a nice card.. You have a daughter, if you don't show up it will probably be obvious to them why. Remember the burden is not on you because they set the no kid rule.
2007-02-04 13:59:10 · answer #5 · answered by All I Hear Is Blah Blah Blah... 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If it is really the only time you get to spend with your child, then you must choose, if the invite says no childern. If you choose to spend time with daughter then you can bow out gracefully by explaning just as you did "This is a weekend with my daughter and I will not be able to attend becuase I want to spend time with her. I don't wish to send her to a sitter." I'd thank them for the invitation and wish them well. Time with your daughter is most important. Choose to attend events where you can both attend! You sound like a good parent and the people having these events seem to want the "perfect wedding" (or whatever). I belive these types of events should include the entire family. The adults with the childern are ones who should control the childern.
2007-02-04 13:32:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
No kids at wedding is common and frankly I did it that way. It is not meant as a slight, all kids, even good kids can get out of hand and I didnt want alot of intoxicated adults being around or supervising chrn. If that offends you oh well - at your wedding you can invite the kids but we all know a wedding is the bride and grooms day and if thats the way the want it thats fine. At least they offered a sitting service - I have never seen that before!
As far as the eldery couple - at thier age they probably just find kids a headache - its not meant as personal insult to your child and you shouldnt take it that way. It would be worse if they didnt tell you how they felt and then acted rude towards you and your child.
2007-02-04 16:27:18 · answer #7 · answered by jillmarie2000 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you really want to go, inform them that you will only be able to attend if your daughter's mother will switch weekends with you. This will let them know that you really would like to come and that you value the time you spend with your daughter. This will give them the opportunity to make an exception (if they choose to). If they don't and you don't want to change weekends, just stay home and have a great weekend with your wonderful daughter.
2007-02-04 14:12:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hey, its not just childless couples that do this. I have two of my own (2 and 5 and both extemely well behaved) believe me, I not only understand when they arent invited, but I also pretty much expect it. Kids dont belong every place at every time and quite frankly I think parents are pretty rude and childish who say "If my kids arent welcome, then I'm not welcome"
You are allowed to say no and you dont have to qualify your decline with a reason. Send a gift if you want, but dont consider these people, or any person, rude for wanting a child free event.
2007-02-04 14:31:07 · answer #9 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with Erin. Just ask them. Explain the situation and see how they feel. I also think your daughter is old enough to attend weddings and other such events. My 2 year old twin sons sat through a wedding and were completely quiet and still the whole time. We just gave them a book to look at.
2007-02-04 17:26:34 · answer #10 · answered by Mommy-of-Twins 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋