why does it have to hurt so badly...?

Question

my boyfriend and I broke up after a 4 year long relationship. I loved him with all my heart and soul. he was my first true love. I gave him everything. I lost my virginity to him and we were engaged to be married.i stopped school to be with him. I constantly think about him and I just cant get over him. its been a week now and I want him back so bad. i didnt do anything wrong but he says I "lied" but he wont come out and say what I lied about. i miss the way he used to kiss me and cuddle me and how we would talk on the phone all night long. the way he could make me laugh and everything else. he says he doesnt want me back though. he was the only thing that kept me going for so long and now its gone. I cant imagine him with another girl because all I want is him to be sleeping beside everynight and him to be my husband and all that stuff. I just want the pain to go away but it just wont. its killing me and he just doesnt give a damn. wat do I do? I need him BAD or i need over him. HELP.

it hurts so bad. like its driving me crazy. I cant stop thinking about everything we've been through. how can something so great make u hurt so much. why does it have to be me

Answer 1

forget this man. why do you want someone that doesn't want you? time will pass and your heart will heal...Stay busy with other things and in time you will forget. Good luck!

Answer 2

"You lied and I won't tell you why" is code for "I don't want you to know the real reason, so I am trying to blame it on you so I am not the bad guy". This guys is too immature to be anyone's husband. I know exactly how you feel, been there myself. When this is going on you feel like you will never recover. It takes time, but you will. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is find a way to focus on your future. It is a distraction that is good for you too! The first step should be looking into getting back to school. Have you ever wanted to visit a friend/family member more often? Now you have the time. Thought about joining a gym or taking a (recreational) class? Great! You have a fresh start, try to make the best of that.

Answer 3

well I've gotta say that he's a dick if you've been together for that long, and he can't even tell you what you lied about. Sounds like he doesn't care about you, as much as you do him. If you couldn't work something out like that. If his mind is settled he probably made that decision a long time ago. You're probably just going to have to deal. I'm really sorry hunnie. But dont let him control your life now, when you aren't together. Go to school, find someone that will treat you with respect, and care about you. There are lots of guys out there, I wouldn't rush anything, but dont dwell on the past. You can't change it. All you can do is say that it was a good 4 years of your life, that you had some really good times, but better things are to come. Talk with your girlfriends about it, and embrace the fact that you are single. Being single is fun, for a little while. It'll get better soon, but yeah, I wouldn't try to get back together with him.

Answer 4

When you stick your hand in a fire it hurts, right? So you don't do that on purpose more than once. Pain is the Great Teacher if you don't do something irrational lke gong nto denial.

So you're single again now. Who knows how long the grieving process wll take? Depends on how much you have to learn and how much your ideals need to change to get better... provided improvement is the path you choose.

I would recommend staying single until you have processed everything and are sure you will never let yourself go down the exact same path again, and only then start dating casually.

This is how you learn what qualities are good in a partner.

Answer 5

Let's look at this on two levels,emotional and spiritual. First a lot of times when we have those types of feelings for someone,we develop 'tunnelvision'.We can not see beyond that person and we put everything,( your schooling)and everyone else on hold.What did he give up for you?Also, we plan our future with the hope that he or she will be a part of it.We even take for granted that this person will be a part of our future. But you were with him for four years and I can understand your pain and disappointment.The so-called 'lie'he accused you of as of now looks like an excuse he needed to end the realtionship.He was probably ready to move on and had to put the blame on you instead of taking responsibiltiy on ending the relationship on himself.There seems to be a few steps to the grieving process. Shock is one of them because you probably did not see it coming.There'll be the grieving itself and then resolution where you will just accept the fact that things have changed. Now here is the spiritual part or the part where God plays a role. This guy became the center of your world.You had placed a lot of your dreams and hopes IN him and on him.Let me say this; change your perspective.Don't say that this guy broke up with you.Say that God REMOVED him from your life so that He could get your attention and let you know what He has planned for you.See,we can have hopes and dreams all we want to but what about what God wants for us?The plans you had for your future are not the
plans God has for you. What he has done is remove what was coming between you and Him,your ex-bf.Sometimes we give people we are in relationship too much power and credit we say 'He or she dumped us'.Why should your ex-bf have that much control or power in your life? God brought him to you and he removed him from your life at a time when He felt best.God is in control of that situation.Get yourself back in school.

Answer 6

I know...been there before, too.

Well right now is to soon, you never know what is going to happen in the future. Right now, the best thing that you can do its cry, cry as long as you want, then think that THERE IS A GOOD WHY THIS IS HAPPENING, then start thinking about yourself, we came to this world alone, and we will leave it alone too, so do thinks that you like to do, and if you feel that you want to cry, then do it, its OK. But don´t forget about yourself, love yourself, and don´t hurt you more, just cry to liberate what is disturbing you.

If both of you are meant to be, it would happen, sooner or later, it may take years, months or days...but you don´t want to be there waiting for him, that's why you have to start doing things for you...maybe he is not the love of your life and someone else is in his way to meet you.

I hope everything works out good for you.

Answer 7

Dude, this guy sounds like a class-A douchebag. If he saying you're lying and won't tell you what he thinks you're lying about, it sounds like he's just making up an excuse to break up.

I think that you're so hurt and lost because you didn't do anything for yourself. you stopped going to school for him (not a good idea). Never give up your life for someone else, if they really love you, then they care about what's important for you. Break ups are hard...trust me, i know that they are. but you have to learn from it. you cant revolve your world around somone else. your worlds just have to revolve in the same direction.

If you need to talk, or need more advice, you can IM me: sprklngdimundz

Answer 8

Seems like he was looking for a reason to dump you. Think a little ahead and let this go..it will come to no good if you try to assume where you left off with it. He is obviously not intending to be with you, if he was he would be there.......you will do well to get over this and move on and beyond.

Answer 9

Sweetie, you just have to move on. I know it hurts but, it happens. Go back school and get on with living. The pain will ease in time. Focus on you. Good luck.

Answer 10

OK...I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, but remember...after 4 years together, part of it is habit. I'm not saying you don't love him, but part of it is that you are just used to being with him. It will take time to feel better, but you will.

I prescribe ice cream and a few nights out with the girls. Time is the only thing that will ease your pain. You'll feel better eventually, I promise.

In the meantime - remember...it's HIS loss, not yours.

Answer 11

Things like this happen. It's funny because I've felt the exact same way you do right now. But, you WILL move on, sweety. It happens to us all. And I know it's hard to believe, but just be strong.