I want to split with my girlfriend of two years as this isn't working for me anymore (I'm 24 years). There's something in me that prevents from getting an interest in raising a family. When I was initially drawn to her, it just happened over what I felt was "mutual attraction". But, over a period of time, the novelty has worn off and the main issue, I want to avoid the huge expenses that come with starting a family of your own. To end my imbroglio, I took a lone vacation to Thailand this year-end and was more than happy with the enormous "flavor" that life has to offer when you're not in a relationship with somebody.
I've made up my mind to call the shots now, but I just wish to avoid the DRAMATIC consequences and the guilt pangs that could ensue after a split happens. I would like the thing to happen instantaneously so as to cause minimum grief to her - like I thought to put a Good-bye letter on her bedside, asking her never to contact me again. Is that a good idea?
2007-02-04 04:38:15 · 40 answers · asked by quilm 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you're doing the right thing. As a 37 year old, I can assure you 24 is young to start a family and insted you should be out seeing the world and experiencing life..
It will be difficult...the goodbye letter is not recommended. I would tell her that you're not ready to be exclusive and you owe it to yourself to get out and enjoy life.
2007-02-04 04:41:37 · answer #1 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I understand your dilemma completely but I respectfully suggest that your proposed solution is a recipe for disaster. In fact, I'd venture to say that it is even a tad hostile towards the weight you feel she has become. Why not just be direct? Take her hand, look her in the yee and calmly say "This relationship is not working for me. I feel a clean break is best. I am not going to see you anymore."
Let her flip out or tell you piss off or whatver, give her a chance to talk. Then you say "I'm sorry about the whole thing. I wish you luck with your future - and then you LEAVE." Change your phone number if you have to.
The other thing I find intersting about your post ...... you know there's a big difference between wanting to get marriedat all and wanting THAT poarticular woman (for anything). What is the point of dating? Fun? Finding a life partner?
The answer does not matter as long as YOU have clarity. The whole "call the shots" thing - no offense! - but it sounds a bit odd. Did you know that when you meet the right person and form a long lasting bond, you make good decisions together?
Why not just date diff women for a while?
Better yet, why not NOT date anybody for one year and really focus on developnig who you are, what you want, and enjoy the terrificness of your own super special company!
Good luck!
I hope you don't do the letter thing. It is cruel.
2007-02-04 04:45:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Definitely not a good idea. After 2 yrs minimum grief doesn't come in to it. If she is in love with you naturally she will be terribly hurt. Leaving a letter is the cowards way out. She probably will have some questions she wants answered and you owe her that. How she reacts no one here can answer. It could be real hysterics or just a quiet acceptance or different again. If there's nothing there splitting up is the right thing so get on with it and do it. Don't just jump in get her to sit down and explain how you feel. You seem very sure this will devastate her but how do you know she isn't wanting to do the very same thing?
2007-02-04 04:47:58 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
By no means should you just leave her a bedside note - this will only make it easy for you and hurt her even more. If you ever cared about her, then you will be honest with her to her face and let her know that you two have different goals. You are young, so its understandable that you may not be ready to settle down and start a family. Unfortunatley there is no painless method. Leaving her a note will just make you look spineless (take this from someone who has been broken up with via email). Part of growing up is learning to take responsibility for your life and for your actions. Tell her in person as soon as possible. There is no way for you to avoid the guilt pangs and there is no way to make it painless for her. That is just part of a break up. Sorry - grow up and learn to live with it. Over time, those feelings will go away for both of you and you will both be better off. She deserves to be free to find someone who will share her goals and dreams - someone who is on the same page. You deserve to be able to live your life as you choose. YOu are both young and have your whole life ahead of you. Explain to her how you feel. She will probably be upset and will cry, but she will get over you in time and will find someone more suited to her.
Be a man and tell her to her face - Not over the phone, not via email, and not via a letter or bedside note - only a spineless little boy would go that route.
2007-02-04 05:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by Marijane K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A good bye letter is probably one of the worst things you can do. You have been in a relationship with this lady for two years, you need to sit down with her and explain how you feel. Be an honest and forthright Man. Not a coward. Besides look at it, as you are really doing her favour, because you must be very negative around her so why waste her life and time, she need to move on and find someone who does love, value and want to have a family with her. Lets hope that one day, you don't regret losing her. Good luck to you both.
2007-02-04 05:08:19 · answer #5 · answered by ambertottie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From the whole of what you have written it is obvious that you do not like repsonsibility and commitment and you are selfish. News flash to you.....After 2 years you are gonna have "dramatics" in your break up. She is going to be upset and you should feel some guilt and consequences...thats what happens when you have relationships dude. The good-bye letter idea...well that is great for a chicken **** excuse for a man that you are...She might not know it at first but you not being with her will be one of the BEST things ever to happen to her.
You could be a real man and be honest and tell her you are not interested in monogamous relationships at this point in your life and would like to enter the smorgasbord of the world and taste all the flavors open to you.
Any way you do it....she is gonna be hurt....No way around it !!!
The way you break with her will reflect what kind of man you are.
YOUR CHOICE !
2007-02-04 04:54:14 · answer #6 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either way there's gonna be some drama involved. SO its best to just be honest and say that you feel that you're too young to be committed and that you'd like some time for yourself to find yourself, because in essence that is what you are doing and you can't do that when you are involved and have to play a role. When you find yourself, you know what you want, know what you don't want and can be a better man to yourself and others. Don't be a punk and leave a letter, or act like an A-Hole for her to dump you. Be a man and be honest. It'll hurt (the both of you) for awhile but it goes away and in the end you'll both be more happy with the outcome. Who knows you two might even end up together in the future again and you'll be happy that you had that time for yourself.
2007-02-04 04:48:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Probably best to let her know your original ideas have changed and you want to experience life on your own now as opposed to how you originally felt . We all change as we grow and in this case your idea's concerning what your interested in at the moment don't include continuing your current relationship . Don't leave it questionable or open ended though , let her know your mind is made up and the decision was thought out and made already for yourself. It may help to let her know that the changes in yourself were not a result of her actions but of your own feelings though you don't expect your feelings to change on the matter . And just let that end it there. Good luck and enjoy your young years , you only go around once !
2007-02-04 04:48:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO! A dear John letter is the worst way to go. You have been in a relationship with this woman. You owe it to her to do in person and let her know why. Don't just leave. Perhaps you could be friends. That usually does not work, but don't do her like that. Be a man. Sit down with her and let her know whats up. Remember if you are feeling you are not getting anything out of the relationship she probably feels the same way. It may be easier than you think. You both are probably just complacent.
2007-02-04 04:42:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. That's a bad idea. The best thing to do is have a talk with her explaining your raesons. She will see and realise that you aren't the guy to hang around with. It will be painful for her , if she has not become aware after two years that there is nothing mutual in your relationship. While you seem to have made up your mind to call the shots, I hope your mind is also made up on the consequences.
2007-02-04 04:56:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whenever you grow a spine in place of the cooked spaghetti that is in your back, then you will be able to withstand her "guilt trip, and hearing her cry/beg me not to leave her ". She's got you well trained. This time break it off and tell her that nothing has changed. And do NOT listen to the guilt trip and the crying. Not your responsibility to hear. Cut her off. And no, my friend. Relationships are NOT hard work. With the right person, they are not. She isn't. Oh - and honey? You are part of the problem here. You have TRAINED her that all she needs to do is pout and cry and moan and she'll get what she wants and you'll back down.
2016-05-24 04:00:38 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋