Tell me a funny story, please!?

Question

Im bored. Tell me a story, joke, or riddle.

Answer 1

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband,
although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and
party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could
think of saying was, "Yes, lollipop...but at the bar...you know...they
have frozen glasses."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him
by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppyface?" She took a huge beer
mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just
holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the
bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious. I won't
be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out
5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: Chicken wings, pigs in blankets,
mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty
words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP, D***HEAD! DRINK YOUR F***ING BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG
AND
EAT YOUR MOTHER-F***ING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, & YOU
AREN'T
GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, AS**OLE?"
...and, they lived happily ever after.

Answer 2

BY
ccje
T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND ALL THROUGH THE NET.
NOT A CURSER WAS NAPPING
FOR SURE NOT MY MOUSE.
MY KEYBOARD WAS CLATTERING, THE TOWER ALL A BUZZ
MY FINGERS WERE STIRRING FOR THE LETTERS ABOVE.
I HAD TO GET OUT THAT LIST MINUTE MAIL.
I GOT IT ALL TYPED, SPELL-CHECK SAID IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
I’LL SENT IT TO ALL THE PEOPLE I KNOW,
I’LL SENT IT LIKE ALWAYS,
THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO.
SO SEND I DID HIT AND IN A BLINK OF AN EYE,
THE EMAIL WAS GONE,
YES, CLEAR OUT OF SIGHT.
BUT WHAT SHOULD MY WONDERING EARS BUT TO HEAR
THAT LITTLE SOUND THAT SAYS AND EMAIL IS HERE.
I OPEN MY INBOX AND SURE ENOUGH IT WAS THERE,
A LETTER FROM THE POSTMASTER,” MAIL BOX NOT FOUND”.
MY EMAIL WAS OUT THERE,
TRAVELING THE NET,
SANTA DID FIND IT,
AND DELIVERED IT TO YOU,
FOR I HEARD HIM READ IT OUT LOUD AS HE FLEW THROUGH THE NIGHT,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.

Answer 3

I'm in the army and there are so many stupid brain dead people it 's UN real.

we went to the grenade range on Thursday to throw grenades
we practice throwing drill grenades before hand.
u have to take out the pin them throw simple right.
a guy in the army 8 years went down to throw his two grenades
and just throw it with the pin in . what !
we actually practice this over , over and over again.
take out pin throw
stupid proof , u'd think so
he's going overseas in may.
I'm going over to
I'm thinking do i really want to go.

Answer 4

College Grads

A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"

A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Answer 5

A comedian spoke of how he never used the AM radio given to him because he's never up that early.