Ok my partner has 3 kids from a previous relationship. Their mother is a complete trollop and has always caused trouble for us because we have always been happy while she has been in about 5 failed long term relationships and she could never stand to see him happy. Any excuse to make us fall out, just to hurt him. Today she had done something I never thought anyone would be capable of doing. She has been telling the kids things about their fathers family that are completely outrageous and totally untrue. The kids are only 8,9, and 11 and obviously believe her. They have told their dad that they hate him and want nothing to do with him. He can't do anything about it because she has made them hate him and will not allow him to see them either. They are going to grow up really messed up! Why would someone do that to their own kids? Does anyone have any experence of being separated from their kids? What can we do to stop this from gettin anymore out of hand?
2007-02-04 04:08:14 · 18 answers · asked by Banny Grasher 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I was a nanny in a similar situation. These children are at an age where they are going to start questioning things, A LOT, and this is where the wholes in her lies will start to show through. In the case I was in, it was the husband that was doing all the lying, and turning his children against his ex wife. The best you can do is ask them to ask you anything they want, and answer them honestly, WITHOUT attacking the character of their mother. Pretty soon they will see your kindness and your husband's kindness, and they'll turn to it because the harshness from their mother can be too much. Whatever you can do to keep them talking, do so. Don't think they're too young to listen to the truth, there is always ways at any age to share parts of the truth. Children need to understand what is going on so that they can make informed decisions. I wish you all the best in this, as it's a long hard road, but it is one you can come out on the other side of with a great relationship with the children. :) It really can. :)
2007-02-04 04:15:30 · answer #1 · answered by Kendra 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am dealing with this very thing right now with my 6 year old daughter. She went from being happy to see me to saying she hates me all in the course of a week. The mother has told her all kinds of horrible lies about me.
I don't know what the answer is but what I'm doing is seeing her every week. She won't talk to me or anything but she's going to know that I'll be there no matter what. When she gets older and sees what a flake her mother was, she'll know I didn't just walk away. I'm hoping that will be enough to remind her that her mother was the one that kept us apart.
I feel so sorry for your partner. I didn't know anyone could be so cruel or how much it would hurt until I experienced it for myself. It feels like your heart is being ripped out everytime you get rejected by your kids. Luckily, most people aren't that mean to their kids or their ex. I can only hope that someday it comes back to bite these EVIL people right in the butt.
2007-02-04 04:16:46 · answer #2 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I can sympathize with you. My husband's ex wife did the exact same thing. She however was a coke head... as opposed to a trollop.
My husband and I went to counselling with her and the kids. We even paid for her to get mothering classes. However the bad mouthing etc. continues to day 33 years after their divorce.
My stepchildren have only heard horror stories about their father. She refused to let him the kids after they turned 13. So now my step son is an alcholic, and my step daughter... has mental problems.
Even to this day, when my step daughter has her own family... she will not answer her phone if my husband calls when her mother is there is because she gets so much grief from her mother.
I wish I knew the answer as to why a mother would do this to her own children. I can only think it is because these types of mothers are looking for their own needs and not their childrens.
Definately get the entire family into counselling. However it did not work in our case.
Good Luck and don't give up.
2007-02-04 04:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by trishnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That is 100% child abuse. Whether they are true or not, she should NOT be putting adult issues onto these kids. Kids always have the unique ability to blame themselves for EVERYTHING. They will somehow come out of this feeling blamed and the cause for the families problems. I would advise your partner to keep the kids away from her. Until she gets professional help, I don't see how she can be any kind of good influence over these kids. He is the father and he should step up to the plate and take responsibility. Someone has to be the hero and why not start with the father??? Good luck!
2007-02-04 04:18:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth will set you free and believe me those kids will see it in time and resent their mother for it. There is a thin line between love and hate and she obviously crossed over it. She hurt and doesn't care if she hurts the kids as long as she can hurt you. Put on your poker face and take her to family court. In WI it cost $5.00 to get a pro-se packet that you can file yourself. People at the courthouse where you pick up the packet will help you with any questions. Good Luck! I've been there and done that and now am closer than ever with the children.
2007-02-04 04:27:49 · answer #5 · answered by John A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you have to sit down with this vedictive person and tell her that you no longer want her saying anything to the kids about the dad, this is wrong. and its causeing a problem when the dad loves the kids to death. I think if this continues he should take the kids away from this woman and tell her this. If she can't cope with it than she will have to loose the kids too. It is a terrible situation to be in. Get the whole family into couseling and try to work it out with someone nutral. Take care Heather
2007-02-04 04:16:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this wont stop until the mother sees the father sufferin like he made her feel
i feel sorry 4 u than the kids this will not help w/ the relationship u guys have
best thing u can do is as a family is go to the psychologists
i wish u the best in copin w/ a psycho
2007-02-04 04:13:42 · answer #7 · answered by axlrose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parente were divorced after 25 years of marriage and while we were all a bit older ( in our 20's) they still tried to do this to us. My Mom told our Dad that we wanted nothing to do with him and told us that our Dad wanted nothing to do with us. For a couple of years I just thought my Dad hated us. Through phone calls and a lot of talking it out, we now have a relationship with both parents. This is wrong to do to kids especially young ones like his. I would go talk to a lawyer about your legal rights to the children. At least they would have a chance to get to know their Dad and know that he loves them. It may even take some family counseling to get this worked through but it would be worth it. I am so sorry your kids and you are having to go through this. The ex is so wrong and will have to pay for it one day when her kids find out what she did. I wish you the best.
2007-02-04 04:31:53 · answer #8 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth will come out over time. Apparently, some women believe that all is fair in love and war and when the 2 are mixed, they can really go overboard. I had a similar experience and fortunately my kids see that I'm not the person that their mom tried to convince them of.
2007-02-04 04:13:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents were separated when I was growing up and my dad would always say bad things about my mom and try to make me believe it. As far as that goes, they will eventually see the truth on their own. If the mother of the kids won't let him see them, take him to court. Unless he is heavily into drugs or has any criminal history, it won't be hard to get visitation.
2007-02-04 04:57:28 · answer #10 · answered by Sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋