what do you do if you love somebody that is naturally promiscuous?

Question

i mean - when you met her, thats the way she was. and thats they she's always been, as far as you can tell. and, in fact, you suspect that the its the result of her being the person you love . . .

so what do you do? she goes out about once a month with freinds. no saying she's getting anything on - but who knows? so do i forbid her from going out? is it fair to set some ground rules, to protect me just in case something happens - and assuming she isn't insulted, is that essentially giving her permission? can i realy make her be monogomous, even if i wanted to?

Answer 1

Men AND Women really need to learn how
to Love each other, and then daily put it
into practice.

What really is Love ? Pls. take a few minutes
to read the information below, if successful relationships are important to you.

What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being attached to them ?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other persons welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfull our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggertes others' good qualitities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love ? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.

But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.

Desiring to be with the people alot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.

Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestamates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear one's and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearences, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds watn to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own
minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, many magnificient qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And
then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generousity, concentration and wisdom.'

'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pasifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definately have successful friendships and personal relationships with others !! These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others, and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life.

Answer 2

No you can't. She was already like that before you met her, so the fact that she's doing this right now shouldn't be a surprise. You picked her, so you either move on or deal with it. I'm sure she's dated other men and if she hasn't changed for them, then I'm sure she's not going to change for you. That whole "permission" thing works two ways, if both your feelings aren't in the relationship, it won't work, and you two do not love each other, and yes she will get insulted. You're not her father or mother and you have no right to tell her what she can or can't do. You don't love her because it's impossible to love someone like this, you don't trust her that a simple night with the girls, is just that and that's it. So you don't need to be together. She's going to cause you more trouble than she's worth. You're attracting this women so what type of man are you? Think about that. Stop dating promiscuous girls, we're easier to be with. Good luck babe!

Answer 3

I don't know if anyone is naturally promiscuous or not, but that really is not the point. The point is that she is promiscuous, and I don't believe you can change her.

She has to want to change, and just going by what your are saying, she does not seem to want to change.

I think it is fair for you two to seat down and calmly and respectfully talk about your relationship and what each of you expect from the relationship. You need to find out if you both want the same thing out of your relationship. If you do, then you have the basis from which to build a relationship on. If you don't, then you both need to go your separate ways so that you can meet someone who is right for you, and she can date whoever she wishes to.

I'm just hearing your side of the situation so I don't know if you are an overly jealous and suspicious man or if she really is promiscuous, but if she is really a promiscuous person who does not want to change, then you should not force her. Just find someone that wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you, and you will be much happier in the long run.

Answer 4

Well fist of all you need to have very good comunication if this is going to work. I mean abosolute clarity. That means you have to tell her what you expect of her and what she can expect of you inreturn.


If you dont clear this up in the begining you have to take a look at why you love this person. Also consider the statement that you can not get everything from one person. It will be very difficult to find a perfect partner. Then look at your values again and say can I live with her lifestyle, considewring what I want from my life, how much freedom you want and so on.

Comunicaiton is key, you can not change the way soemone is you can only tlak to her and understand why they are that way and then in that case maybe do somethign about it.

Cheers
Good luck

Answer 5

It's good to see you say you don't like this man but you did see others were twisting what he says in this video. That shows you don't just believe something because you don't like or like someone. "By clever and persevering use of propaganda even heaven can be represented as hell to the people." —ADOLF HITLER People do it all the time. And for selfish reasons. AS MEANS of communicating have expanded—from printing to the telephone, radio, television, and the Internet—. Many respond to these pressure by absorbing messages more quickly and accepting them without questioning or analyzing them. Few look further. Few question like you did. For example, fear is an emotion that can becloud judgment. And, as in the case of envy, fear can be played upon. If one envy another they will use all sorts of tactics to try to make the other look bad. I decide the truth by looking at the reputation people have. What is their past? What were and are their interest? Are they known for tricks? What are they known for? What values do they have? Have those shown in the past as well as now? Do they show them in all ways? Are they braggers? Have they shown good conduct in their life or does it seem to be a mess of errors? That would show much. Who do they best associate with? Who do they appeal too? What do they say? Can they stand up to others or do they whine when others look them in the eye? Than I would put it all together with other statements. If it all didn't match up I would know something isn't right.. And If your instincts have prove to be true enough in your life you can trust them. If not that I wouldn't rely on them.

Answer 6

The love isn't there. You need to develop a better self-esteem. If she's not monogamous.. and that's what you want and she won't comply.. Move on.. there are millions of women who want the same from a man. this girls sounds like she has self-esteem issues too. Get out there and date. Get to know yourself and you'll have a better understanding about what works for you in a relationship.. Good luck..

Answer 7

You can't make anybody be anything. If you love the village bicycle, you may as well get used to the fact that she is what she is. From there, it's only a matter of what you're willing to put up with, and for how long. Protect your heart, and good luck!

Answer 8

You can't forbid her anything. That's the quickest way to lose her. Maybe think about swinging together, swapping parties...watching/photographing her with other people maybe. Find a way to control when and who she is doing it with, this way you can feel like you know what's going on and it won't be behind your back. Suggest some of these things to her and see how she feels about it.

Answer 9

No, and don't even try. Setting rules in a relationship is stupid and so child like. It is suppose to be based on trust and if you don't trust each other than the relationship will never work..

Answer 10

People can grow out of this, Though it depends on the person. You can't forbid her to go out, but you can go places with her to prevent it. If she loves you enough, she could change.

Answer 11

Sounds to me like you don't trust this person...then why be with them? If you're going to live your life in constant fear that she might cheat everytime she goes out the door, then I think you need to find yourself someone else.