im 17 years old and my bf is 19 we have been together for 5 years but he chested on me 3 years ago so now im raising his son who is 2. he always tells me im ugly and that im fat im not fat im 5'5 and weigh 132lbs, he tells me im a ho and that hes the only man that i would ever have, i dont want to leave because angel (( his son )) thinks im his mommy and i dont wanna leave him cuz i no he loves me (( angel )) my bf emilio always tells me he loves me and it really confuses me, he always leaves me at home with HIS son and hes always out with his friends then when i wanna go out he always says "luyu u need to sit yur a*s*s down sometimes and quit goin out so damn much" i dont leave the house except to go to my classes ((im out of highschool, i graduated last year, he graduated 2 years ago)) but what should i do?? the other day he was telling his friends what i looked like naked, its not their business, wat should i do with emilio i really do love him and i also love angel,wat should i do?
2007-02-04 03:57:59 · 11 answers · asked by LUYU 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
angels mother left him at our house when he was 3 moths and she never came bac for him, i dont no if he is still cheating on me (( he probably is tho )) i dont think i could get custody of angel, could i? because his dad is never there and i dont want him to not have responsible parents, do u think if i left i could take angel with me?
2007-02-04 03:58:21 · update #1
then he comes bac and telld me i am beautiful and its really confusing, he doesnt even take care of his kid, i taught angel english (( still teaching him )) i take him to his daycare when i have school cuz i no his dad isnt gonna keep him and i would endup having to take him to class with me ((did that once, it was a disaster)) his friends are at my house when they rn't out, they eat all of my food and they leave huge messes, he comes home really late and he wants me to have a baby!! i really love him and i love angel but i dont no wat to do
2007-02-04 03:58:50 · update #2
he has hit be before (( he was mad cuz i hadnt made dinner yet, and i was tryin to get angel out of the bath ))
2007-02-04 03:59:35 · update #3
we live in a nice neighborhood in miami, he seems soo nice when we are around other people and then when we are home, he yells alot then he leaves
2007-02-04 04:00:09 · update #4
you have such a beautiful heart! to raise this boy's child as yours takes more courage than what it will take to do what you should and need to do.. not just for yourself. but for Angel....
what your bf does to you is abuse... and, abuse only gets worse.. not better.... the sadest part of abuse is? the abuser might treat everyone else in the world with reaspect.. but that one person.. even if she/he is the one they love? gets hurt over and over... usually cause the abuser is angry.... emotional and verbal.. cotrolling your actions.... humiliating you...? those are harder hitting than the hand....
but for the child, I would say get out... do it now... you do not even trust that he is loyal to you... and you need to trust to have a good relationship.... but? saying that... look into couselling... if you do not think he will go at all? look into it for yourself (bring Angel) and ask later into it for him to join you.... let him know how he is making you feel.... but that you love him and want to make it work.. if he is willing to work at it too...
and if he says again that he is the only man that will have you? let him know that is not your fear... usually a guy does that out of fear... they know the woman could have anyone.. and do not want her "stepping out" like they did... sad huh? all the things he does sounds like a cry that he is so very afraid of losing you.... but he is doing it all wrong... no sense of worth so he tries to take yours... I could be wrong..... never know.... but that is why couselling if you want to make it work with your self esteem intact... and have a healthy relationship....
if however it does not work.. he won't ever try...? talk to a lawyer... because you have been raising Angel the courts would allow at least partial custody I am sure.. if not physical custody.... they would take into consideration the fact that for three years you have had the bond of "mommy" and it would scar the child to not have you.... but again... I am not a lawyer, which is why I say go see one.... consults cost nothing....
what you should do....? is first think.... is this the man you want to spend your life with? if yes... try and make it work... with talking, time together, counselling but understand it takes two....and if he is unwilling to work... there is not going to be much other than you beating your head.... a baby involved, I woul dsay it is worth at least the effort....
if you do not want to make it work? it does not make you less of a person in any way... he did a lot of damage and hurt....... if he has hurt you too much? then accept that he will be in your life, sharing visits and helping to raise Angel... and it will be rough... do not let him know what is going on, but go to a lawyer... tell the lawyer everything.. the abuse, the years together (even though you two were kids) the cheating... the fact that you did not only try and make it work after that? but also are raising his son from that "cheat".... and to you he is your son after all this time....
keep in mind that the way your son sees his father treat you as he grows... he will feel is the right way to treat women.... ask yourself, do you want him treating anyone this way? and talk to your bf.....
I hope this helps you some... either road is tough I know.. there are no cut and dry answers really because these have to do with three people... talking is a step in the right direction... counselling...
you DO deserve to be treated much better! it is a boy who mistreats a woman... keep that in mind.... !
good luck
2007-02-04 05:43:25 · answer #1 · answered by elusive_001 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
honey I know it may be hard but if this guy has hit you before he gonna do it again, and again, and again. Until one day you end up in the E.R. or worse the MORGUE! If he's hitting you, what makes you think he wont hit his child? This is not the guy for you or anyone for that matter. When he says he loves you he may think he means it but what he really loves is the control he has over you. My advise RUN! if you are worried about his kid call the police. The boy is 2 anyway, he probrobly won't remember you by the time he's 4. Get away and save yourself while you can. It's NOT going to get better. Your BF is not going to change just for you. I'm sorry honey, but guys like him don't change for anyone but themselves and it's usually for the worse.
2007-02-08 03:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by missi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to leave and not look back. It's going to be hard, but you have a life to live! You may be the only one to mother Angel, but you need to live your life SAFELY! I am a victim of Domestic violence, and I finally said my life is more important than being with someone who abuses me! I had a child with each one of the abusers, but left with my kids in hand and we are living a better life! GET OUT NOW BEFORE YOU CAN'T GET OUT AT ALL,and ARE 6 FEET UNDER!
2007-02-04 04:23:56 · answer #3 · answered by ♥xvioletx1882♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do yourself a favour, leave this man. i know u love little angel very much but how long should endure this treatment? He is just using u to be there like his maid. i had a problem exactly like yours a long time ago. The day i left him was such a liberation for me. When i was with him, my life stopped. The minute i left him, my life started to flourished with endless possibilites. I am able to stand on my own two feet, make decisions, and live my life the way i want it to. i am now married to a husband who treats me like a precious jewel. Yes i cook and i do laundry etc, but its for a truly deserving man. Never once i feel like im being imprisoned for wanting to be me nor feeling unwanted.
2007-02-08 03:10:03 · answer #4 · answered by Say what? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your boyfriend's a real scumbag. He's playing with your head, honey. If he really loved you, he wouldn't call you names and cheat on you and make babies with other girls. I had a BF like that when I was 15. I was with him for a year and finally left him because he WAS a SCUMBAG JERK. I'm 28 and married to a wonderful man who really loves me and continues to tell me he loves me and I'm beautiful (even when he's mad at me). Just because you love his child is not a good reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Get out before he starts hitting you and then apologizing for it later. You CAN find someone better for you. He doesn't love you. If he did, he'd treat you better. If you don't get out, it'll get worse. Just remember, you don't deserve to be treated like that.
2007-02-04 05:21:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to speak up for yourself to your boyfriend. It makes it doubly hard because you love his child. But you have to ask yourself why you love someone who cheated on you and abuses you. Keep asking yourself that - if you stay with him, keep asking yourself that question - because he has you in a kind of slave position. You probably wonder what would happen to Angel if you weren't around. It's a good question. Get help answering that question so that you know that your boyfriend can't count on you staying on forever, taking his abuse, just because you are afraid for the future of his son.
It's a sick sick situation he has you in.
2007-02-07 02:46:25 · answer #6 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to leave. thats the bottom line. hes not your son and i understand that you love him, but no woman should be treated like that. your "man" is not a man hes a little kid. leave nd call social services. dont look back, dont take him back, he will only treat you the same, and the verbal abuse WILL eventually turn to PHYSICAL abuse. dont let your self be victim to his antics.
Fortunately hes lucky that your in florida. Any other state and he could be charged with Stagatory rape. LEAVE NOW!
2007-02-04 05:26:37 · answer #7 · answered by Tasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get away from him now before you get pregnant and stuck in a bad situation for the rest of your life. That kid will survive without you. Be glad of the time you had with him, but it is now time to get out of this. Your boyfriend has no respect or love for you what so ever. Find someone who will appreciate what you do for them and gives you the respect you deserve.
He only "loves" you when he wants to control you.
2007-02-04 04:39:24 · answer #8 · answered by Tumbleweed 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what you need? You need to wakeup girl! He doesn't love you. He just need you. He needs people like you. Do you understand me? Get out while you can! If you wanna help Angel? call the social welfare society.
2007-02-04 04:31:18 · answer #9 · answered by Ronnie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You put yourself in this position so get yourself out of it. Leave and call social services on the guy. FYI, any sexual contact you and your boyfriend are having is against the law. You are still a minor.
2007-02-04 04:39:35 · answer #10 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋