Is catching a spouse in infidelity a big deal?

Question

I dated my brothers best friend for a few years we lived together for the last few months of our relationship, I came home early because of my own suspictions to find him in the bed we had shared with another girl, so i left him. It has been over a year since and im slowly recovering.He is still best friends with my brother so I feel that may be why it has taken so long,because I still hear about him/see him periodically. He still tries for me back and I will never take him. Is infidelity like this a big deal? I feel like no one else I know understands what a scar this has left on me.

Answer 1

It's apparently a big deal for you. I think it's so common now a days that I would consider it a relief if I actually caught my girl/wife in the act. At least I'd know exactly where I stood and wouldn't have an ounce of remorse about blowing her the F out of my life. Why even bother thinking about someone who cheated on you. You're letting this have way too much influence on your life. The guy was a bum, let it go.

Answer 2

if you're still hurt/bothered by it (you said it had left a scar on you) over a year later, it WAS a BIG DEAL for you.

i caught my ex-bf in bed with someone else too. That's been years ago now, but it hurts to think of it still. He also tried to get back together, but after something like that, well, there's just NO trust left in the relationship and without trust, you have nothing.

hopefully you can find someone better and move on. Then it won't bother you to see or hear about him anymore. The best relationships come around when you're least expecting it.

Answer 3

I have never been in this situation exactly but I have been cheated on and yes its a huge deal. it was many years ago and it affected my self esteem it made me suspicious of people Ive been with since and I know the person who did this to me had serious problems and it was in no way a reflection on me but still it had lasting affects and any time you cause another person that kind of pain it is a major deal you are not alone many people have been threw the same thing some people deal with it by putting up a front they think if the world thinks there not hurting eventually they will believe it to

Answer 4

I hear you sister, I say BRAVO to you and you should be proud of your self!!. I am breaking up with my boy friend for 7 years because he's been writing to a female friend from high school and she sent him a picture of her in the bathtub naked, and he saved it separately in his computer and I happened to find it. No physicall cheat, but still I'm packed to go, already found a new place and start a new life. If he didn't mind your feelings for a second he will not mind them again and again. I hear the same stories over and over of women who forgive their partner to be cheated on again. If you prove to your self that you don' t take crap from any body, you will feel good about your self it's a matter of self respect, love your self and others will. Instead of thinking how he broke your heart and how sad this is, think of things why your life is good, in my case I see I found the perfect place! got to buy all new stuff to decorate my new apt. and it's close to the shops and restaurants that I like! and I get to have my friends over all the time! and I get to grow my own cooking herbs on my balcony this time! so, find little things that will brighten up your day, don't think of what makes you sad, think of what makes you happy and you'll feel happy. It really helps. You'll be over him before you know it, and there are good guys out there don't worry, when ever you're ready.

Answer 5

If it's a big deal to you, then it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. Obviously you were really hurt by this.

Answer 6

yes...it is that big a deal...it is the ultimate betrayal as far as I am concerned...glad to hear that you are doing better....it takes time...good luck

Answer 7

tell your bro to stop hanging wit him because he hurt you in so many ways!!!!!!!!!!!