my boyfriend and i are drifting apart. i have 3 children 1 of which is his and i feel like he always picks on them. i am depressed though but we don't really talk as this makes him feel uncomfortable. my previous relationship with my other kids dad was violent i had to get him covicted for gbh and assault-unlawful imprisonment. i now lack confidence and i feel like i used to in a violent relationship without the violence. he is so angry when he wakes up every day. i feel like there no point even getting up in the morning. my kids are the only thing that keeps me going. i do struggle with the children without his help he knows this and uses it against me too? should i tell him to leave or is it just me?
2007-02-04 02:47:12 · 17 answers · asked by me plus 4 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
thank you for all your advice. i appreciate it as i feel very low at the minute. i have no friends or family so he thinks he can do this to me.
2007-02-04 03:17:25 · update #1
Move on.
Tell him to go
2007-02-04 02:52:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether it is violent or non-violent....abuse is abuse. Not being able to talk about it just makes it worse. It sounds as if you subconsciously don't feel like you deserve any better than what you have. It probably goes back a long ways. You do deserve to be happy and safe. I would suggest counseling for both of you. If he refuses to go, go without him. It sounds as if he may be reacting to your depression the only way he knows how. But, to pick on the children is another story, it sounds like everyone is unhappy. Those children deserve to be loved and respected. They didn't ask to be born and shouldn't have to be mistreated on account of an irresponsible parent. If you do decide to make him leave, you may have to struggle more, but in the long run, you have to think of what is best for you and the children. If he doesn't know how to deal with your depression, this may be how he is dealing with it. Was he a good father before? Do you still love him? Does he love you? Does he love the children? First get some help with your depression so you can think more clearly. Maybe when you are happier with yourself, everyone else will be happier too.
2007-02-04 11:04:35 · answer #2 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right--that's NOT a good environment for either you or the kids! He'll be a role-model for your children in their choice of mates/behavior. Give it up trying to find "Mr. Right"! Hope you could get a student loan--enough to feed and shelter you and the kids and STUDY! You have a good mind and must provide them and yourself safety and love! Learning will take you to a different level so that you, yourself can provide for your children! You will eventually find a person with higher standards and capable of love.
I was in an 8-yr very abusive marriage. I kidded myself that I couldn't provide for my little girl alone. Finally I saw reality, that she would be affected by this crazy man. I was able to finally get a government student loan, go back to school AND take care of my little girl, and then as I was learning, realized we deserved MUCH better. I never remarried--I was 45 by that time--but have had a wonder life, achievement and many many life-long friends! My daughter is now grown with 3 great little children. She's a great mother, has a good marriage and is also a business woman.
2007-02-04 11:07:20 · answer #3 · answered by Martell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on girl, show him you are strong and dont need him!He basically sees you have no fam or friend support so he thinks he can walk all over you. Show him what you are made out of. Always think of your children who dont deserve this. Leave him before its too late. Get back to yourself and make yourslef and your children happy. Having man like that is like being alone and depressed, so hes just a big bother and waste of your time.Being with him will only make you life miserable and thats not a way of living.Good luck and get your confidence back, Remember that your not the only person going throught this and others are in worse positions.Keep in mind that you are valueble and can do better.
2007-02-04 11:31:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not deserve to be treated this way.He has a lot to be thankful for....a woman who loves him and beautiful children. It's too bad that talking abvout things makes him uncomfortable, because communication is key to any relationship. It's time to stand up for yourself and your children and tell him that you all deserve a man who will be emotionally available to you. Tell him that either you need to sit and talk about your situation or you have to take the children and go because living in an environment like this isn't healthy for them. If you don't feel good about yourself, than take a stand for your childrens sake. This is your life and you have a say in how you live it. Good luck to you.
2007-02-04 11:58:08 · answer #5 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry for the things you have gone through. No one deserves to be in an "abusive" relationship and I'm glad that you got out of your first one.
As you know there are other types of "abuse" than just physical. The emotional abuse you are dealing with can be just as serious. Your first abusive relationship has probably left you with little self-esteem and confidence. You need to find a way to get it back.
I think you need to find someone to help you work through these issues. Is there a support group in your area that you can attend? Everyone needs some help from time to time, please find some for yourself and your children.
You need to be alone with your children so you can all get past the abuse and learn to be happy again. You deserve to be happy and eventually be with someone who will love and respect you. Don't settle for less than that. Time to kick him to the curb and do whatever it takes for you and your children to find that happiness.
Please find yourself some emotional support to help you get through this. You and your children deserve it!
God bless you and good luck.
2007-02-04 10:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by Mugsy's Place 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in an abusive relationship if you have to ask such a question. You couldnt possibly manufacture all this stuff if it werent true. You need to part ways with him until he becomes a real grown up. Men and women should be growing side by side in a marriage......This dude sounds pretty dangerous...and a bad example for your children. I never tell people to break up, but you just changed my policy on that...forever. Make him leave until he grows up.
2007-02-04 10:52:44 · answer #7 · answered by BudLt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might consider making a go of it on your own. It will help build your self esteem and confidence. The kids might learn a valuable lesson as well. You deserve to be treated better. Don't settle for less than someone who really cares about you and the kids, and shows it. Your current situation sounds like he's lost interest. I would move on, sooner rather than later.
2007-02-04 10:55:24 · answer #8 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have your whole life ahead of you. Everytime you have a relationship, you learn something about yourself and other people. It might seem painful now but in the long run, breaking up will be best for both of you. You will both find new partners who will be more suitable to your own personalities.
2007-02-04 13:39:43 · answer #9 · answered by Greg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should do what is best for you and the children. You should not be in an unhappy relationship. There are programs out there to help you and the children.
2007-02-04 10:58:36 · answer #10 · answered by lu2681 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're unhappy and feeling abused, you should leave. Do your kids a favor, though, and don't date anyone else (or have children with anyone else!!!) until the youngest child you have now is 18.
2007-02-04 10:53:37 · answer #11 · answered by Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋