My fiance use to write me the most beautiful letters and cards. Now I get a Valentine Day card signed with an ?. It was an impersonal card. No I love you or anything. He is in Iraq. I asked him if he is excited about his up coming R & R and he says "no yet". He text me, calls or emails every day saying he loves me. I don't feel it. My nerves are shot. He is British and they say Brits are as touchy-feely as us Americans. But I am nervous too. My friends think he really just wants a "green card". Meanwhile I have 2 ex-boyfriends asking me out, but I love my boyfriend with all my heart.. It just seems when I started sending him romantic cards and letters, he stopped. Shouldn't he be excited about this R & R and our wedding plans?
2007-02-04 01:19:28 · 8 answers · asked by kitty cat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Being in Iraq can really do a number on someone mentally and physically. If he is seeing death and distruction everyday it may be very hard for him to think of the future with peace and love. He may be afraid to make plans and think of R & R , only to be told he has to stay over on duty longer which often happens. Or he may be hitting a depression from the war and his nerves are just shot in general. Now if he gets back home and is very depressed and just negative feeling in general, make sure he goes to counseling STAT!!! All of these things aside, if you are really feeling that you and your boyfriend are just not meant to be and are thinking of other guys and such, tell him and dont get married yet. Waiting a month or two is no biggy in the long run, if it saves you pain and a divorce later. Take time and enjoy him being home and enjoy an extended engagement for now. Show him your support and love and take things a day at a time.
2007-02-04 01:34:10 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first take a DEEP BREATH & step back from your situation for a minute.
Males generally dont get as ''excited'' about weddings as women tend to- even though they may be happy about the marriage ( they wedding & the marriage are 2 different things) Also if you are making all the plans whilst he is deployed than it would be a bit difficult for him to get excited as he may not really feel part of it all.
if ; as you say he is contacting you every day - then you really dont have any concerns about his feelings for you. As for not yet getting excited about his return - that could be a case of his being cautious in case anything goes wrong- after all he is over there in a dangerous situation & his mind is. NOT going to be on you all the time
be thankful that you are hearing from him daily ; my son-in-law was in the Australian Army Infantry division & was in 1 of the 1st group of soldiers to be deployed to East Timor in 1999. he had no idea how long he was going for ; nor what he was facing when he got there. My daughter only heard from him on an irregular basis ( this was before they were married also)
the troops were only getting mail in/out every 2/3 weeks to start with & were only allowed 1 10min phone call a week in the early stages & that was only if they were at the base & could access the phones.
if you are even being tempted to go out with your ""EX boyfriends" then you need to examine how strong you feelings are for you fiance. are there any support groups for defence personnel spouses/partners near you. it would be helpful for you to talk to other women in your situation
as for your friends thoughts - you should know your mans intentions better than they do . is in the American Defence or the British?
RE:- americans & brits both being ''touchy/feely''- that is just a generalisation- each individual is different
I hope that I have given you some things to at least think about.
2007-02-04 01:43:30 · answer #2 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well how happy would a guy be when they don't know if they never come back and you call it R&R. IT is r&r there it called survival. AND he right not doesn't want to have his guard down and worry about a wedding when he is tying to get to the wedding alive. So grow up and give the guy a chance. And WHo stays that British are tochy-feely and what are Americans then. But it all comes to you and you need to remember if he could be here with you he would but he can't so get over it and just wait.
2007-02-04 01:25:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's in Iraq. He doesn't know if he's going to survive to R & R and that's why he would say he's not excited yet. He'll be excited when and if he gets there. Until then he has to make sure he's focused on not getting shot.
Frankly, I think you'd be happy you received anything from someone stationed in a warzone. And he's finding a way to tell you everyday he loves you.
2007-02-04 02:00:37 · answer #4 · answered by rscw2k6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably more concerned about getting his head shot off or blown up on a road side bomb. I am a Brit and yes we are probably less demonstrative than our US cousins (sweeping generalisation) but come on, your getting married !!
If you tell him your concerns and speak to him truthfully you should be able to figure it out. Follow your heart.
If he really loves you then coming back to see you should be the most important thing in his life and that should get him through the rough times. If it is not then he is being insensitive.
2007-02-04 01:31:50 · answer #5 · answered by George M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awh sweetie. you have nothing to worry about it probably hasn't all sunk in yet. Or maybe it has just sunk in. Also he is probably under alot of stress in Iraq. Always make sure that he knows you love him and are always there. Trust me it'll work out.
Good Luck
x3
2007-02-04 01:27:46 · answer #6 · answered by whoaa_its_alex 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel truly loved or your unsure about this, Then you need to put it on hold until your sure.
Don't rush into this it's OK to postpone if you think there are problems to work out.
2007-02-04 01:24:15 · answer #7 · answered by earthangel_candy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he's more excited now in iraq than ur wedding.
2007-02-04 01:28:17 · answer #8 · answered by robert KS LEE. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋