so i have this boyfriend, if you even want to call him that because he doesnt do anything a boyfriend should. well, anyway that is a different story. he's going to be 20 in may and i recently went to go visit him in st louis (i live in detroit, michigan) and while i was there i found out about this girl, shes 16 (jessica) now, he tells me they were not dating, but i found her myspace and it talks about him on there ..about how they have been together for 5 months and they love eachother. i am so confused and hurt about this whole situation, i dont want to take him back at all, but it has been almost 4 years. i was wondering if anybody had any advice for me. i know a long distance relationship is hard, but wouldnt he try to see me as much as he could? he has never come up to see me, its always me going there. and i recently told him i could come down there again with his sister and he got really upset about it and said he didnt want me down there at all.
- heartbroken
2007-02-04 00:07:46 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh my gee, girl you are so blind. Whats good with loving a person who doesnt even know how to love you. better break it off or else youre the one who will suffer. dont mind the days and years youve lasted. it doesnt matter. you think not giving him up bec of that 4 years will help you? and dont you ever let him go back in your arms again. dont pity him incase he wants to be back with you, if he ask for forgiveness and you forgiven him that doesnt mean hes not gonna do it again.. aight. try to start over again with someone new
2007-02-04 00:15:48 · answer #1 · answered by rodnox m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your heartbreak, but this guy doesn't sound like he's worth the pain. If he's never even made the trip to see you, if it's always been you going to see him, there is no effort on his part to keep this relationship going. Save your money, self-respect, and what's left of your heart and say goodbye. It doesn't seem as though he has any interest in making any attempt whatsoever of making this work, it's been all your effort, time and expense. Leave this "relationship" now and cut your losses.
There are plenty of decent guys in the Detroit area if you just know where to look. A long-distance relationship may be "safer" because you aren't investing very much in it to begin with, you don't have to wonder where to go or what to do all the time, concern yourself with appearances, etc., but it's not a fulfilling relationship just for those reasons.
Kick this guy to the curb and find someone a little more local. Soon you will find that you've gotten over the St. Louis looser!
2007-02-04 00:20:29 · answer #2 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he lied to you, is swapping photos and keeping secret chat accounts with other girls are huge red flags that you chose to overlook. If he can't or isn't the man that you need him to be then he shouldn't be in your life. If the relationship isn't helping either of you at all by supporting each other, trusting each other, and building each other up, then it's not the relationship you seem to want it to be. Mentally, if he's been lying about those little things and thinks he can get away with them without you leaving, he'll just keep on doing it. Except, those little things will get bigger, and bigger, and bigger. You know that he's been lying about it, but your heart wants to believe that he's better than that. In situations like these it's always best to look at the facts. Emotionally, you've been with this person for a long time and he has been a large part of your life, and there are lots of memories and time and energy that you and him have in your relationship so I understand you're reluctant to let all that go. You will always want your heart to feel secure and loved and wanted, and for the longest time you've had that, but now that these secrets have come to the light there are issues he's unwilling to solve for you. Sometimes you need to put yourself first in situations - relationships involve two people, if one person isn't willing to pull their own weight in having a healthy relationship then the relationship will fail one way or another. The relationship is hurting now, not healing. I would give him a choice - either work through all the crap that has happened and start being honest with each other and dedicated, or move on.
2016-03-29 04:18:06 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Strange part about all this is people are always saying that long distance relationships don't work. I tend to agree since i have been in several where traveling can take over an hour to see the other person. We never broke up for the reasons of distance but it definately plays a big part in all relationships. After 4 years your best bet is to move on chances are that if he saw that you were moving on then he would come running, maybe he just needs that motivation, but just remember moving on, if he does come running who's to say it doesn't happen again.
2007-02-04 00:13:07 · answer #4 · answered by Diz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry let him go, 4 years isn't enough to be lied to, treated that way,hurt like you was.And think this is the one you just so happen to find out about. How many was before you, and if you take him back how many will be after. I know four years seem to long, but you gotta move on and let him hurt some else.
2007-02-04 00:18:49 · answer #5 · answered by pvy_crazy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sounds like he flat out told you how he feels about you being around. He doesn't want you down there at all. He has a new girl and you are basically history.
It's time to kick him to the curb cause he's already done that too you. He has a new girlfriend. Time to face reality and move on. I know this is hard but it is something you have to do.
Been through this myself and had to wake up and smell the roses and move on with my life.
2007-02-04 00:19:12 · answer #6 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well usually id say if you love him then bla bla bla but hunny it sounds llike you need to kick him to the curb! If he dosent wanna be with just you then hes a jerk and not good enough for you any way so id say so.....Sorry bout all that! Men can be such jerks....but youll find the right one like Dan and Rosanne on Rosanne! lol They r perfect for each other and i belive that theres someone out there for everybody! Have a nice day and i hope i helped..wow i just read about the part where u called him and to me i think its been over for a while in his mind.....Just go bye some icecream and a sad movie and forget about his ***!
2007-02-04 00:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by jonesash94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, let it go. long distant relationships usually don't work out. you should of known something was up cause you were the only who was always going to see him. and now that he has this new girl is the reason why he's pushing you away, saying he doesn't want to see you. i know its tough but just keep your head up and remember that there are better dudes out there that will do anything to see you.. forget about him, let him be with his lil 16 year old girlfriend.
2007-02-04 00:16:36 · answer #8 · answered by Blake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he has ended the relationship he had with you and doesn't have the balls to tell you. As hard as it may seem the best thing I believe you should do is forget him and try to get on with your life. There must be a nice guy who lives closer to you with whom you can be with,
Your ex boy friend is an ***hole.
2007-02-04 00:16:04 · answer #9 · answered by Rocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve so much better. If he's cheating on you and doesn't want to see you when you've invested so much time and energy into this, then he's not worth it. Find someone (CLOSE lol) who appreciates you for you, who will make you feel special and loved.. not someone who leaves you feeling neglected. I hope you find a much healthier and happier relationship.
2007-02-04 00:17:28 · answer #10 · answered by L ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋