Most of my Family Members are Emotionally Abusive...anything I can do?

Question

I live with my grandpa, but I've realized that most of my family members are horribly emotionally abusive towards anyone they see as weak or different from them, including me and my younger cousins. I see my aunts and uncles alot, and they usually have nothing good to say about me, they gossip about me and my friends and they put me down constantly. Its not constructive criticism either, I don't know anyone whose family does this to them besides mine, except my one friend, who I recently had to get away from because she's become very nasty too, taking about me behind my back, belittling me in front of others..etc.

I can't get away from people's constant put-downs, insults, and I don't know what to do about it. I could move to Florida with my Mom, my half-brother and my stepsister, but all they do is baby me and they never let me do anything and they spoil me rotten... it seems like its either one extreme or another.

I keep having anxiety attacks whenever I'm around my other family members, but I know if I move away and my Mom and siblings will baby me all the time, and they won't let me do anything for myself, like get a job... or do anything... that isn't healthy either.

It's not tough love, I've thought about that and there is a big difference... I don't believe I deserve to be called stupid or belittled in public as often as they do.. I just can't take it anymore.. my grandpa loves his kids, and he doesn't really pay attention or care whenever they say these hurtful things to me... I can't confront them about it.. I've tried, and I only get laughed at and ridiculed more..

Help.. what can I do?

I'm moving to college in about 7-8 months... there has to be something I can do until then..

I've tried confronting them. It doesn't work.. just makes things worse..

I've even had some of my family members say horrible things about me to my close friends... its getting out of hand..

Answer 1

PLEASE hang in there!! College might be the life savor for you! I totally under stand the stress,and pain you are feeling.There is no easy answer.BUT keep believing in yourself NOT the puts downs! Also try to understand that the friends that became hurtful are CHOSING to become like the ones they once hated.Getting away from that type of life may give you a chance to have a more normal,happy life,AND help you make better choices.You can choose to keep in touch with your family/friends,by the phone/or E-mail/writting.That way it can easily be ended when it gets out of hand,and you are still giving them a chance to be apart of your life.Good luck!

Answer 2

it is never easy to live with someone who emotionaly abuses us. Emotional abuse can be much worse than physical abuse because it scars you for life leaving you feeling worthless and self concsious. I live at home with my family and recently my cousin moved in and she is constantly making fun of everything i do and say. All i did was complain to my mother which was useless. My advice to u, which is what i did with my cousin and it worked, is to sit ur family down (much like an intervention) and let them know how u feel. U can talk to each one privately or just face them all together. You have to understand that people who talk about u or criticize u and make u feel little are only doing it because they dont feel so good about themselves either. They want to fill an emptiness and give themselves an ego boost by belittling you. This is called leveling, they want to be on ur level so they either bring u down to where they are or try to come up to where u are. This is why you need to face these isssues and tell them how it makes u feel when they act certain ways and that u want to have a good and healthy relationship with them but things wont work out unless u both compromise. Ask them what bugs them about u and adress these issues, if u feel they're being unfair then tell them. If they dont change their attitude then at least u know u did evrything u could. Also, try to put urself in their shoes, see things from their perspective and then maybe u will have a better picture of why they do what they do. I hope things work out and just remember that everyone is great and its noone's place to judge others.

Answer 3

Have you tried talking to a counselor? It really does help. They don't belittle you, think bad of you. They listen. That seems to be what you need - somebody to listen. Even when you go to college, you can do that. I've had anxiety attacks and know you feel like your chest is going to explode. Not good. It seems like talking to the family you live with now won't do any good. Maybe you could talk to your Mom about what you like to happen if you decided to move to FL. Babying you is not going to solve anything because you seem like a very independent person. But, on the other hand, if you only have 7 months til college, a little babying (vacation) might be just what you need. :-) Good luck.

Answer 4

The main thing for you right now is to make sure you don't turn out just like them. I noticed you said about your friend: "I don't know anyone whose family does this to them besides mine, except my one friend, who I recently had to get away from because she's become very nasty too, talking about me behind my back, belittling me in front of others..etc."
I have a family just like yours. When I grew up I was mortified to realize that I had become a lot like them even though I hated their ways. I put a stop to my smart remarks and cruel comebacks. As soon as I moved away from them, I noticed how much easier it was to think more positively. You need to get away from them for a looooong time. I rarely see my relatives anymore and that suits me just fine. I think you should finish school and then leave.Don't look back or you'll trip over moving forward. (just curious though, why are you living with Grandpa anyway??)

Answer 5

Sadly, you can't make your family members change. I wish there was a way to make them stop acting the way they are, but there really isn't. The best thing for you to do is move away from them. You need to get out of the situation. I know you said your mom babys you, but that is probably the best place for you to be right now...plus, when you go to college in 8 months, you are going to really start to miss your mom's babying! If your mom cares about you, and is not abusive, I say the best choice is to go with her. Ultimately, it isyour decision, but remember, this is only a short-term situation until you get to college anyways.

Answer 6

I suspect that you have been suffering this for more than 7 or 8 months. So in the meantime, keep quiet and keep the distance. When they go nasty, imagine they are singing a bad song. Focus your mind on what will do in 7-8 months' time. At least you have something to look forward to.

Answer 7

If youre moving to college...then just do an internal countdown. Very few teenagers like family whatever the situation...especially living with them. When youve moved and become an adult AND no longer with them on a 24/7 basis...you'll find you can tolerate family a lot more. So just bide your time.....it wont be long now...and keep busy.

Answer 8

hello, I see that you are concern towards them and you are confused about your identity by hearing the ire perception towards you. I say there are thing with in our power to change and not. We have control of our selves but not others only we can influence them. The control we have is the decision how we react at those comment, for our happiness and success. We can be traped at the image they set us but we can also make our own image that can cause our influence for good. That image is up to you. But I suggest be guided by the good principle of life. " Love your God above all else and do not do to others what you do not want to do to you". read the scripture

Answer 9

I think you should get proper counselling on this one.We cant change our family muchas we would like to.You dont deserve negative comments. There is nochance you can confront them?Move in with your mum.At least you will feel loved and spoiled

Answer 10

Be strong & learn to stand up for yourself & your feelings.
Tell them how they make you feel & that you can't handle it anymore.
Tell them if they want to remain in your life , they need to treat you better.
This is a cycle that you must break now or they will get even worse.