i need some real funny jokes?

Question

any type yo mama, racy, clean, sexuall any thing funny and origanal

Answer 1

if god made the front of a womens body, who made the back?

THE COUNCIL. who esle would pt a s**t hole next to the play area

after great sex she lies there strokin his penis, he asks 'do you want more sex?' No she repies im just admiring your c**k, i really miss mine.

Answer 2

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his @ss.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s hit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his @ss.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Answer 3

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: Knock on the door.



Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?", asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."

Answer 4

The blond girl comes skipping home from school, comes through the front door and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Today at school, we were singing the alphabet and I almost sang the whole song, but the others only got up to 'J'. Is that because I'm blond mommy?"

"Yes," her mother replies, "It's because you're blond."

The next day, the girl comes skipping home again, comes through the door and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Today at school, we were all counting and I counted to ten but the others could only count up to '7'. Is that because I'm blond mommy?"

"Yes," her mother replies, "It's because you're blond."

The next day, the girl comes skipping home again, comes through the door and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Today at school before gym class, I was changing in the locker room with the other girls who all have flat chests, but I have these!" She lifts up her shirt to reveal her large double "d" boobs. "Is that because I'm blond mommy?"

"No dear," her mother replies, "It's because you're 25."

Answer 5

ok this kid was doing a "report of information" at school he went to her mom and her mom said "shut up" she went to her brother and her brother said "batman" she went to her sister and her sister said "go suck on a lollipop" then last she went to her dad and her dad said "yeah" because he was watching golf.when the next morning came the teacher picked him to tell the class what did he do on the "report of information" she said "shut up" cause her mother said that while she was cooking.then the teacher told him to go to the principal she said "yeah" cuz her father said that
the principal said wats ur name and he said "batman" cuz her brother said "batman:" while watching tv now he said what did you do and the girl said "go suck on a lollipop" and the principal said YOUR EXPELD
THE END

Answer 6

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http://www.lotsofjokes.com/