What limits should be set for our 18 year old daughter who just moved back home after only 4 months?

Question

Our 18 year old daugher, Miss I Know What I'm Doing, moved back home after only 4 mnths. She moved out with her g'friend. They paid the first month's rent at their apartment and didn't pay any more. They were evicted. Now, she knew before she moved that we wouldn't be able to help much because her dad got caught in a mass lay-off and ended up with a lower paying job. I work as well. We also have 3 younger children. We told her if she moved back home, she'd have to pay rent, car ins. and pitch in on food. All total it only amnts to about $200 a month. Cheap if you ask me. She has a job - if she goes - and brings home a little over $200/week. She's not offd to do ANYTHING since being home. She complains about everything. She also owes about $9,000 after being on her own for 4 months. She seems perfectly happy with the minimal job she has and doesn't care to pay a thing. I said to give her a time limit, make her save money, pay bills, dad's not sure. Any suggestions?

Lizzomail! You hit the nail on the head! Dad is way too permissive a lot of the time and waits until he's about to blow before he says anything. I believe in taking care of things right then, right now. You can't expect to correct bad behavior weeks or months after the fact. I think our little "princess" has hard road. I also think she should either get another part-time job or a new full-time job entirely. $200 a week isn't gonna cut it.

Answer 1

I wouldnt of let her back in the house its not teaching her any responsibility and its an added burden on your life.

Answer 2

This is tough. All parents want to help their kids.18, is young and dumb. Most think they know it all. lol

**First thing is first.
Is this $9,000 bill on credit cards? If it is. She needs to contact a bank and see about getting a personal loan so she can pay off the credit cards. Most personal loan interest rates are cheaper then credit cards. She should have the bill paid off in about 5 years with out going broke and creating bad credit.

Next, cancel all her credit cards, but one. Help her decide which one to keep.
Make sure she has a Bank savings account and places $100 in the bank each month. She has to learn to save for the future. I know it’s hard to tell a kid this, but she has to understand why. Please explain to her.

Now, she has to learn her actions have consequences. Such as moving out on her own when she was not mentally, or financially ready.
Since she moved back in she should pay rent. She’s using your
- water,
- Eating your food
- Doing her wash
- Using your phone
- Watching your tv
- Using your internet connection?

$200 is more then fair. At 18, you are no longer reasonable for her. But as a caring parent, not matter how old she is… you will also try to help. Letting her ride for free is not helping. She has to learn reasonability and it starts are home.
By her father saying no, to rent. He isn’t helping her.

Since he doesn’t want to take her money, DO IT, anyway. Put all the money into a saving account for her, but don’t let her know about it.

Guaranteed, she won’t be able to save money and she will be asking you for help. Sooner or later.

By you making her pay rent she’s learning life isn’t free and she has to work for what she wants. At the same time, you’re helping her save money. Even though she doesn’t know it.

When she ask for money. Take it out of the “ rent “ savings account and make sure she does pay you back.

Best of luck to you

Answer 3

Welcome to the reality of adult childen. I have had this same problem. We have set rules for our daughter to follow, this is our house and she'll abide by those rules or she's out on her butt.

She does her own laundry, cleans her room, puts her dishes in the dishwasher, and assists with other household chores on weekends before she's out playing with her friends.

She pays us $400 per month for rent and food, utilities. $250 per month on a Jeep Cherokee we bought her to get to work/school etc., she pays for her own insurance, phone, etc.

Nothing wrong with this and although resistant at first, she now realizes what a deal she's getting. Her rent prior to this was $775 per month + utilities.

I didn't set a curfew on her, But i do ask that she keep us informed if she's going to be late, as i do worry about her in this violent world in which we live.

She's getting back on her feet. I think she will more than likely move in the next 8 months but i'm not holding my breath. I would much prefer if she stayed as then i don't have to worry so much about her. Set rules for your daughter make her do her fair share it's the only way they are ever going to learn responsibility for their actions.

Answer 4

Dad needs to stop enabling daughter's immature behaviour. Come to think of it, that's probably the reason she's so immature. You are right on the money. In addition to paying you 200 dollars a month for room and board, she needs to have certain chores that she is responsible for, plus she needs to put a certain amount of money aside every month to save towards eventually moving out successfully.

Answer 5

The one above is right and
Make her pay her own way. If she doesn't give you any money don't feed her. If she is old enough to have a job and move out to live on her own, then she is old enough to have a job and pay her way.
By being hard with her you will teach her responsibility. If you don't she will think you will always bail her out of any jam she gets into.

Answer 6

You do need set rules and a budget!!! This may be harsh but let her know there are homeless shelters.If she can't respect you,and your help/home,and help with the bills! She should move out! One of my children did this to me(a single Mom)and he didn't care if we didn't have much food,or some of my things were getting repo'ed,and I had to go through bankruptcy.Because he only did for hisself,while staying with me,and his younger siblings!God Bless you,and good luck!