Should I call him one more time?

Question

After sending a very harsh complaining email to my bf, I got him really upset..

I said things like why can't we take our relationship a small step further (since it’s been two years); why don't we go out as much, and why has he stopped calling me like he used to.. I did not compare him with any other person, I didn't even swear, there was just a lot of heavy duty complaining (all piled-up in one email) everything I never had the guts to say to his face I said in the email..

Just not the in the same way I’m saying it now..

He wouldn't answer my calls and he barely replied to my text messages. Perhaps I shocked him.. He was just totally ignoring me.. Note: whether you believe it or not, I called him about 40 times, with at least 10 messages.. I was really sorry for what I did.. I just wanted to say I was.. He wouldn't even give me that chance..

I began to cry.. I just felt really bad..

Do I have the right to get frustrated? Or did I disserve this?

Should I still call?

Answer 1

Hi Maryan,

He is the problem - not you, so anyone on here blaming you have not read your story properly!!!!

I would say that your boyfriend is punishing you for expressing your feelings that we all from time to time feel pent up with emotional overload. It appears that he has been neglecting some of your basic needs for more open communication as well as not spending quality time with you doing things that are fun and nurturing to a relationship.

If his response to your emotional release is this extreme, then this says a lot more about him and not you. It says that he has already at some stage in your relationship, emotionally and to some extent, physically removed himself from you and this is apparent in the way he doesn't answer your calls. This is abusive behaviour and because it shows that he has no respect for you or your feelings and wants to control you by not allowing you to let off steam and for it be acceptable. He punishes you for having needs and feelings he cannot meet and because he is not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.

Men like this tend to go through life not wanting to access their own feelings and why it is easier for them to disconnect with what is going on inside themselves when it is less painful to cut off from emotions rather than face them. This is why he cannot relate to you on that level or meet your very basic needs. It says to me that he is damaged or scarred from something else that has occurred in his life and hasn't been able to deal with it. You can't do very much to help him either and because he is in denial about why he is really avoiding you and the relationship.

I would encourage you to let him be and as painful as it is going to be, you need to let this man go. He is causing you a lot of unhappiness and misery and will continue to do so the more he does not deal with what is causing him to be emotionally unava- ilable to you. It is destructive behaviour and sooner or later will cause your relationship to end anyway.

I have had dysfunctional lovers and they are too damaged for a relationship. They make you feel unlovable and unworthy of having anything good and they are hard work to communicate with. Your self-esteem is going to be knocked out of you if you have been living like this for some time and I would seriously get out of this one no matter how hard it will be. Begin to love and like yourself again where he hasn't and won't.

You deserve to be acknowledged and loved not abused and ignored. You haven't done anything wrong and you need to stop blaming yourself for what he is doing to you. A man is strong and can take a woman getting upset now and then and be her rock - he isn't. You will find a man who is capable and able of a normal relationship but this guy isn't going to do anything to build a stable and loving foundation with you is clear. You are going to end up mothering him into loving you and he will resent you for it and do a lot more damage.

I know from experience. You are not going to be controlled by anyone and everyone has the need and right to express them -selves and so the answer to your question is yes, you do have the right to get frustrated. A man or woman would not walk away from someone they are meant to love and shun them! - this is abusive and negligent. He does not care about what you feel because he cannot get in touch with his own feelings.

Get your self esteem back and do things with yourself that are going to rally some support and love from other people around you and pluck up the courage to leave this man. I have been through very abusive and controlling relationships like this one in the past and have never looked back. He cannot love you nor provide you with the kind of relationship most functional people have and you are the only one making it work.

I think unplugging the phone and leaving him would be the best thing you could do and for all of the right reasons otherwise he will make your life a misery if you continue to allow him to have power over your self-esteem which is not good if you are wanting to apologize to him for what you had the right to do!. Your rights are to have a communicative partner who is there for you on all levels and provides support and talks through issues that either one of you need to discuss.

Put into perspective these rights and because you are entitled to them like everyone else and anything less is not going to get you a man you deserve. There are a lot of women who believe that it is normal to be with a guy like yours and yet, believe me, it isn't and he is destroying your confidence, the relationship and any potential future of having one with him. He is unlikely to get help and more likely to carry on the way he is and make a lot of other people very unhappy too.

You really are worth much more than this and to apologize to a man who turns his back on you is not going to make him come running. He wants you to feel hurt and abandoned and rejected and abused by him because he wants someone to carry the blame for what other anger he has going on inside of him from the past.

I wish you so much luck and I hope you make the right decisions about this one. Get some self-esteem back and do not let this guy ruin your chances of happiness a moment longer.

Answer 2

No I don't believe you should call him again.
I would suggest you give him some time, and if you have not heard from him within the week perhaps send him a note via snail-mail and apologise for your actions and ask him if you could meet over a coffee in a local cafe to talk. Send him a text message a few days later asking if he read your letter.
(If you talk in a public neutral place things are less likely to get heated between you)
The worst thing you can do is put the pressure on. That will just push the wedge even tighter between you.

Answer 3

It sounds like you really have to step back from this for now as everything is getting pretty hectic. Its hard as there is no communication from his side at the moment , unfortunately by venting all this out via email you dont get the situation over and done with immediately.
By doing this by email he may have seen it as a cowardly way of getting out of the relationship, hence he feels really hurt and isnt talking at the moment.
You have every right in the world to feel everything you feel right now, at least you are recognising what you feel, which is what he will have to do and talk to you once he has thought about the relationship and what he and you should do. Dont keep calling him it will just push him away, when he really needs some time out to figure things out. You should take time out as well, spend time with ppl that make you happy and do whatever you like, remember you DONT need to rely on a partner to make you happy in life. best wishes

Answer 4

For now, i ought to ought to say no. Blown calls will continuously be an element of the game........maximum individuals of clown calls quite are not that undesirable, thinking the umpire has to make the decision instantly. there are in hardship-free words a pair in a given 3 hundred and sixty 5 days the position it really is totally glaring to the bare eye. Over a 162 sport season, the calls wil leven out, like Eric reported. regardless of the indisputable fact that, I do imagine replay should be used contained in the playoffs on something yet balls and strikes. it truly is definitely a time at the same time as no man or woman needs to win/lose a sport because of a decision.

Answer 5

Give it time! yes you should call him but not so much.You seem a little obsessed and over emotional right now. Just take a small breather.

You really have to be careful about writing. Unlike the words you say Its like a letter you can keep reading over and over again. And men really can only handle so much complaining too, especially when its being mean!

Also, 1) No one likes mean people 2) No one likes whiners. Im not saying you are either, but you should make that judgement before you send that messsage. Just read it over and put yourself in his shoes.

Answer 6

The problem here is that you decided to put him in his place, but chickened out half way through and now you can't take back what you've done. The ideal would have been that you didn't send the e-mail at all, either that or you sent it but let him come to you. Right now I think you need to give him some space and when he comes around, tell him that you meant everything you said but that you forgive him for it.

Answer 7

You wanted to let him know how you feel but maybe your asking to much.You cant always get what you want in one try .Maybe he was trying his best to give you all he can but you just couldnt understand.It seems your both not on the same level.Just give him time a day or 2 and see what he says you might be able apoligize.If he really care and understand he will. Good luck my dear good luck

Answer 8

You had questions you wanted answers to. He has chosen to ignore you completely. He is not being very kind at this point. I don't think a long e-mail was necessary, but that is over and done now. Give him a chance to think a bit and try him in a while.

Answer 9

You kinda went psycho on him didn't you.
If after 2 years you two haven't discused a future of some sort then you don't have one. You might have talked about it but he wasnt listening to the station you were playing.
He's over it you should be too.

Answer 10

maybe the relationship wast very good and thats why he didnt want to take it further.
and then your email just was the last of it and he doesnt want even whatever you did have.
Id say its probably over for him since he doesnt reply and doesnt accept or acknowledge your apology. some guys just cant handle a woman's emotional times.
find someone who can. peace

Answer 11

I wont call my ex ever again she can do what she likes I hope the rest of the world will believe the sincerity.

Oh yeah nice guys do finish last huh?

And if you did call how come the man did not respond?