Is eye-contact kind of distracting during a conversation or at least difficult for anyone?

Question

When I'm in a conversation, I sometimes concentrate completely on my eye-contact that I don't even pay attention to what the other person is saying. I mean, people around here look you directly in your eyes when talking and I just get confused by that. Sometimes, I feel weird if I keep looking into their eyes so I start moving my eyes away ones in awhile. But I'm so focused on appropriate eye contact and not coming off weird, lovey-dovey, intimidating, or awkward that I just CANNOT pay attention to the message that is being given. Then I just act like I have heard the whole thing by agreeing when I'm just making sure I'm doing the appropriate thing with my eyes. Half the time, I don't even know what to do with my eyes during a conversation? I look at the other person's eyes and it's just akward. Is eye contact tricky, sidetracking, or difficult for anyone else in discussions? What do you all do during discussions with regard to eye contact? They always say show good eye contact.

Great answers everyone! But when people talk, for some reason, they look into my eyes instead of away. I have decided to look maybe at another spot, such as the nose from these answers. You all agree?

Answer 1

they say eye contact shows confidence, but i agree, it can get a bit awkward at times

Answer 2

Yes, eye contact is important. But NOT continual sustained staring....that is weird and can be intimidating to the other person..
The point of any eye contact at all is to show you're paying attention, not to show that you know the "rule" about good eye contact.
Something to try maybe is ONLY allow yourself to think about eye contact when you're with someone with whom you are entirely comfortable---your spouse, a good friend, your siblings,and NOT when you're talking to your boss, a police officer or the IRS.
When you're with the "comfortable" people, notice what THEY do, and how it makes YOU feel. Do they constantly stare at you? I bet you will notice that very few people make continual eye contact.
To me, good eye contact is when someone looks at me, then looks away or down and then, when I make a good point or say something they're interested in, they look back again, or nod, etc. Sometimes when a person doesn't make eye contact, it is not showing lack of confidence---it could be that they're bored or upset or just thinking really hard about what's being said.
If it's really hard for you to make eye contact, then stop trying! As you've pointed out, when you fake it, you may miss the whole converstaion and even end up giving a little of yourself away by agreeing with things you don't agree with!
It may be that you're not a "visual" learner and it is easier to take in information when you are NOT looking at someone. This is OK.

Answer 3

Well, it seems like you recognize that what you are doing is actually hampering the conversation, because you are so focused on eye contact that you are not listening to the other person and actually hearing what they are saying. Not listening is probably hampering communication more than any possible offense you could be giving them about eye contact.

In general, in American English conversations, people will look away from the other person when speaking, and look at the other person when listening. Eye contact behaviors differ greatly by culture so if you are not American you might want to look into a culture that you are specifically interested in. Also, watch other people around you when they have conversations and see what they do when speaking and listening.

Answer 4

Eye contact is SUPPOSED to show the other person that you are paying attention to what they are saying. YOU, seem to be an exception to the rule. You space out. I can't help but to find it humorous. If you should have to go to a job interview you'd best maintain eye contact AND listen to what's being said. You start fading away and miss an important point or question and that job is not going to be yours.

Answer 5

by no means. I want making eye touch when I talk to a man or woman and specially assume the comparable in return simply by fact as much as people do no longer go with to have confidence it, the eyes can communicate and supply you the genuine which potential to the words that come from a man or woman's lips. some people even locate it offending if a man or woman seems away and talks. it somewhat is often stable to envision a man or woman and talk and likewise once you hand that man or woman something(a pitcher of juice, something) it would be clever to envision them whilst doing so(err you may drop the glass on them thinking that they already have been given a hand to it). Being shy is regular, in spite of if that's not something that would no longer be triumph over. As time is going, you will understand the version it makes once you get to chat to people and likewise make eye touch. they may well be pointing to something or finding at something and describing or commenting on it and in case you have your face to the floor, it would be much extra embarrassing considering the fact which you'd be commenting devoid of understanding what you're talking approximately ; ) Be helpful once you talk and don't communicate blushing. To be shy is wonderful, yet to be helpful and safeguard eye touch is in simple terms marvelous...(except the guy is cockeyed, I recommend you do no longer smile sheepishly at that man or woman while u do such as you're doing astounding now) hee hee

Answer 6

u r usually supposed to make an eye contact with the person youare comfortable with. with a boss or an elder it is considered better to look at the face(preferably a little lower than the eyes) and make an occassional eye contact.

Answer 7

it can be intimidating because as they say your eyes are your windows to your soul... it will help the communicator communicate his message with sincerity...