Talking about sex, drugs and parties with a 13-year-old?

Question

I'm 23(working) and I live with my 13-year-old sister(parents passed a year ago).She is usually alone at home for the whole day if she is not at school or out with friends.Two days ago I found a condom in her wardrobe.I asked her kindly why does she have this condom and she told me she likes having sex when she is at parties(her older friends organise parties and invite her and they have sex there so does she).I explained her she shouldn't be abusing herself and doing something because her friend do and she told me she was having sex rarely and only with nice boys and only whe she wants to.She is mature for her age and we respect each-other and she always talks with me about problems.I want to explain her about drugs and other things which could happen at a party and make her have sex without her agreement.Where do I find information about drugs,sex,etc?
Don't offer me not to allow her to go or to punish her-we respect each other and this is her life.I want to help her with info.

Answer 1

Things you need to know
I used to work for social services and you are in for alot of trouble here.
If she continues to be sexually active and you allow it you can be charged by the police with child endagerment and by CPS with sexual abuse - this could ruin your whole future and they could take your sister away from you.
If she ends up preg both you and the boy (if he is older than she is) will be facing criminal prosecution.
You might want to stop trying to be here friend and act as the adult in the situation.

Answer 2

Liana, if you have a friend who works in the medical field, I'd ask they help gather some useful information that you and sis can sit down and review. You can also break out the good ol' phone book and look for the local Health Department office number--and ask they either send you some needed information or direct you to their building, where you can get such material.

A look into today's life of an average 13 year old girl will hard shock adults speechless at what these girls are either doing--or are exposed to....and how nice they appear otherwise all the while!!!

You and sis now may have a civil mature relationship, but do be prepared for all that to change when you have this talk with her on these issues of concern: chalk it up to that usual awkward stage of modern adolescence--that especially amongst pre-teen and teen girls, grows loudly vocal quite often. Safe to say your parental-like resilience is about to be put to the test: stay strong--but heed to wisdom and common sense when called for.

Answer 3

First get her into a gyn for a check up, then have the doctor explain why sex at 13 is not a good idea. The thought that she could come down with all types diseases is scary. Condoms are not 100% effective against disease.
At 13 she still need rules and boundaries drawn for her. She has plenty of friends she needs you to be her parent and put down rules.
Would you parents have let her do these things? If not neither should you do not worry about making her mad worry about keeping her safe, that should be your first concern.
She also needs therapy because she is looking for something in her life to fill the void of loosing her parents.

Answer 4

She needs to understand the risks of her behavior, although don't lie or manipulate the situation or she will not listen to you.

Sex can be dangerous and traumatic if not approached the right way. Its good that she's using condoms but condoms are not as reliable as they appear. If she does not want to stop having sex, you should encourage her to use caution, and more effective methods (birth control AND condoms). She is going to make her own independent choices with or without your approval, so try to tolerate as much as you can.

Drugs are a different situation. I recommend, that before trying to evaluate and judge the situation, you must educate yourself on the subject. is a safe, non-biased website that will teach you about any narcotic. To give you a little intro i will list common drugs that teens take and what you might want to know about them....

Marijuana (pot): besides the smoking issue (lungs), marijuana is not bad for you. Its not good to study or go to class with it in you, although it does not kill brain cells and it is relatively non-toxic (smoke chemicals).

Cocaine/Crack: really bad for you (kills heart tissue, causes heart attacks, high blood pressure, impure, mixed with booze can kill you). I would be concerned if you found these... they can be psychologically addicting.

Pills: Any type of pescription medication is NOT good for you to take. Ridilin, & simular medications are not as bad for you as Oxycotin, Percodan, or Vicodin, although none are good for your health. Oh, and if she has an abnormal amount of robotussin robogels or other cough syrups, she may be drinking them to get Dextrophomine effects (toned-down amphetamines), this can be dangorous if done with the wrong brands or over 720mg of DXM is taken...

Hallucingenics: I would be less worried about these, they are relatively non-toxic if pure, and are safe if done in the correct area. Though hallucigenics can bring mental disorders up if the person doing them has a history of that kinda thing. PCP is NOT good for you at all, and I strongly reccomend that you discourage her from trying it. No matter what your background, it can make you go crazy the first time you try it...


Heavy Addiciting Drugs: Meth, Heroin, some pescription meds... edjucate her on what the risks are and to be careful whatever she chooses to do...

Answer 5

In my old timer opinion being 30 lol I think its a sad state of affairs. Whoever is to blame is not relevant what is that young girls are having sex all over the world, getting pregnant and contracting and spreading STD's.

All you can do really is to utilise her respect for you to offer her some practical advice about contraception and protection against disease. Also about exhibting some control over the use of drugs and alcohol.

I am not sure about the organisations in the US but in the UK the government has supported the formation of a website called ask Frank which has a lot of information concerning drugs. I am sure they are the same ones you guys are taking over the pond.

Answer 6

Wow. I am stunned. You are right though. You cannot punish her. Really...the most important thing is that she keeps herself safe. Atleast you found a condom. If she falls into drugs than things could even shift for the worse. Talk to her about drugs. Scare her away from drugs. Do the same with STD's. Show her pictures of what it looks like to have certain STD's and give her statistical facts about them as well. For instance: 3 out of 7 people have genital herpes. I made that up, but you get the drift. Basically, if she has had sex with 7 people, than 3 of those people must have had genital herpes. You can also still get genital herpes with a condom on. Even the juices get everywhere, than you have just gotten genital herpes.

Answer 7

Hie there,
The best place to find such kind of information is within you because you already know the dangers associated with what your sister is currently doing and YOU alone can help her out since you are the only family she's got.Find the right opportunity to talk to her and make her aware that she is responsible for her life and no matter how many things you might not afford to sponsor her with, you still have her welfare at heart.
Don't shun away from the problem but meet it head - on coz u took the responsibility when u decided to take care of her.
Always remember that u are HER MOTHER NOW!!!!!!!

Answer 8

This really has to be hard for you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I sounds like you have most of everything under control. Search the web for true "horrible" stories about teens on drugs and having sex. She is going to look at you like you are crazy and she is going to tell you that is is smarter than that. If you can't put a stop to it then help her understand and talk to her about birth control. If she is going to keep on doing this then make it as safe as possible. It really is scary. But here is something to start with. Good luck and best wishes.

http://www.cfoc.org/411AboutSex/drugsex/

Answer 9

My cousin is the caretaker for her teenage brother as well. And whether you like it or not, you are now the parent. This type of behavior is a major cry for help, and you ARE punishing your sister and ruining her chances for a stable life if you do not get her some help. This is NOT normal, and she needs boundaries. I'm sure there's a social worker involved with your situation, and she can recommend some counseling and help you enact boundaries. You need to be the parent here, and you have to be firm in that this behavior is wrong. She's not mature, and she's counting on you to teach her appropriate behavior. Pl,ease don't let her down. Get some help.

Answer 10

You say shes mature for her age???
I thought I knew it all too at that age, I was having sex with my boyfriend at that time, thought I was in love. To this day I regret that. I look at my husband and hurt all the time because sex now is so special and deep.
Please explain to her that she is so young, later on in life she won;t want to regret it. I was lucky and didn't get preg. or an std. Explain no matter how nice the guy or how "good" it feels she runs risks, risks that a 13 yr old shouldn't have to run.
She's worth waitin for, and has all her life later to be doin that stuff.