I am Christian for real. I have a very deeply ingrained problem. Please give me a christian answer.?

Question

I am single and not married. I am a virgin. I do like women. I am not perfect. I have masturbated for years and looked at pornography. Also I was molested by a male when I was 7 years old. My father and mother were emotionally unstable and unavailabe and they verbally abused me. I unsuprisingly was unpopular in school and was poorly socialized. Even though I have alway been fascinated by girls i started having very strong same sex feelings a puberty. I got delivered when I was in college now I am trying to get a girlfriend. I do pray and read the word and trust God. I still have these homoerotic nocturnal emissions when I go for several weeks without masturbating that scare me back into doing it. I am 32. Is my life a waste? Will 1 wonderful woman ever love me and give herself to me? Please be kind

Answer 1

One thing at a time, Vincent. Like me I think you think too much sometimes.

That said, I am an open minded Christian/Catholic and I think no life "is a waste". I grew up thinking God was a big guy in the sky waiting for me to mess up to punish me. As I get older and get more life experience, I don't think that is true at all. God loves you as you are, you are OK, he made you after all! Self abuse and self hatred serve no purpose.

Now, it is good to be introspective and to see your good points and bad, to look at your past in order to plan your future. However, the past IS the past...just work on today. Perhaps some counseling, non-christian if the christian counseling only causes you to punish yourself more (been there, done that). If you want to change...fine...but do it in a healthy non-abusive way, one day at a time.

Find a project where you are helping others so you don't think about your problems all the time.

Just calm down, start loving yourself as you are. I am a woman and sometimes guys who try too hard are a little scary. Just live for today, and help someone less fortunate. When the love starts shining through that you have for yourself and others and God, trust me, some lucky woman will notice.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

Sounds like youve been thru some stuff. I wish I could help you. I think the devil wants you to think you are not delivered with those dreams when you can't say no because your unconscious. You might have to live with this like a thorn in the flesh but I don't see why a woman of God would not love you. You have accomplished a lot. You might consider counseling or fasting if you haven't tried already. And don't watch anything on TV that is a trigger like Will and Grace. End the end, God knows about you and is always there. It is a trick from the enemy.

Answer 3

I pray that God will answer your question himself.

Read the book Steps to Christ, it may be of help to you in your spiritual life:
http://www.whiteestate.org/books/sc/sc.asp

See especially chapter 11, The Privilege of Prayer.
http://mcdonaldroad.org/bible/script/steps/sc11.htm