I'm currently with a guy who is 10 years older then me i'm 21 this year, but after going out a few times and communicating with him. I realised that we are from different backgrounds and i found it weird when going out together with him as i felt that he is too mature in looks for me. His behaviour and fashion sense don't seem to be the real bf i want, looks a bit old not like 31, although he have gd career, drives, have good education and live in condominium. He said he will take care of me forever, but i really mind a bit on his looks. I thought of breaking up with him but i don't know how to tell him. Should i??? Frankly speaking until now i still have feelings for my guy friend whom i know quite long and share a lot of things with one another. I did not tell him i went out with bf yet. I know breaking up sure hurt bf but i also don't want it. I think i'm not ready to settle down and have a relationship. I think that being single may be the best choice for me. Please advice me how??
2007-02-03 19:55:04 · 10 answers · asked by no name 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you think being single is the best choice then go with it. Don't stick around with a relationship just because you're afraid of hurting him. Especially if you're interested in another man. It would only hurt him more to learn that you had another man on the side. It sounds like you're more interested in the guy friend anyway. If you're letting his looks get to you that much then I would say you aren't meant for eachother. I think you should have some physical attraction for your life partner.
Just think. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Is it with the older man that would then be 41? Would you be married to him? Have kids? Would you be with your guy friend or someone else? If you can't see yourself with your boyfriend in 10 years then you clearly don't want to be with him much longer. Breaking up hurts alot for both parties, that's why I didn't want to break up with my ex. I was in denial of how bad things were just because I didn't want the pain, but it's a lot better going through a break up than staying with someone that doesn't make you 100% happy.
I hope this helps.
2007-02-03 20:03:50 · answer #1 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have only gone out a few times, I don't understand how this can be that difficult. Just tell him that you don't want a serious relationship with him or anyone at this point in your life. Actually you may not want to add the or anyone part. He may think it is just a phase in your life. Tell him that you don't have the connection you hoped you would. You need to be firm so as not to lead him on. Be strong and do it. You will be much better off. If you just continue to date him to avoid hurting him, he will only hurt more in the long run and he will think you are some kind of user. Be honest. It is the only way to go.
2007-02-04 04:00:26 · answer #2 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you dont need a man to take care of you. Second, if you feel that you can no longer date this person then end it. If you let the relationship continue it will hurt more for the both of you. It seems like you already made up your mind on what you want to do. You want to end it, so end it!
2007-02-04 04:02:04 · answer #3 · answered by snuggles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick with the single life for now.
Time is relative to the person, and the age. To a ten-year-old 1 year is a huge amount time. Of course it is it's 10% of his entire life! This guy is 50% older than you are. That is like your life and half of your life again (it would be like having to repeat Middle School and High School all over again—that’s a lot of time, to you). In this case age makes a difference, a big difference. We are talking about a difference that equals 50% of your life! If you were to date me then I would be over TWICE your age, can you imagine living long enough to go through all of the time you spent in school for a second time! That is a huge amount of time to you; our time difference is over 100% of your life. However, a 57-year-old woman would be a lot closer to me, the difference is big, but it is only 20% of her life. True love can conquer that distance easier than it can conquer the time difference between you and your current partner.
If you were 30 and he was 40 then we are talking about a smaller percentage of your life (10 years is only 1/3rd of your life; 33%) so it would be a closer match. If you were 40 and he was 50 then the time difference would drop to 25%.
He can get hair dye, and plastic surgery to correct the other signs of age, but he can't change his life experience or yours. Through the lens of time he is 50% older than you are. So don't think that you are wavering just because you don't like his looks. That is a part of it, but it isn't the main part.
So right now you need someone closer to your own age. If you have met another person that you like who is then you should consider them as a potential partner.
Then there are the key points in a person's life. Just like turning into a teenager, you are barely turning into an adult. At his age you would be looking to settle down and have children, and in another 10 years or so you would be going through menopause. These time regions are not physical, but mental. When you are in your 40's you are thinking about menopause, when you are 20 you are thinking about being and living as an adult. You and your older man are at two different stages of your life that is why he is saying that he is willing to take care of you forever.
Explain to him that the lens of time is a percentage of a person's life, and he is 50% older than you are. He is at the stage where he wants a family, you are at the stage where you have just become an adult and you don't know what kind of adult you are yet. "I'm sorry, you can blame it on me, but I just am not ready for the kind of relationship that you want yet, and I won't be for another 10 years, and that is half of my life from now."
You are asking this question because you feel for him, and that is commendable. You don't want to hurt him, but you don't want to hurt the parents of your high school friends. By the same token you don't want to date the parents of your high school friends. The younger you are the more this analogy holds true. You are young enough to see it and he is not. That's what makes the biggest difference your perspectives on EVERYTHING are just too wide. This is why you are uncomfortable with his looks, not because you are vain. Break it to him as easy as you can and feel free to take the blame on yourself, even put it down to you're lack of maturity. You may be an adult, but only barely. You are not mature enough for him and when you look at the percentage then you can understand this.
As a check on my answer you only have to talk with your grand parents and try to understand their time scale. To them the 90's were just a fleeting moment of time that has just passed. To you the 90's ARE your life.
2007-02-04 04:27:39 · answer #4 · answered by Dan S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
break up with him, he is too good for you, you don't deserve him, leave him to another women that wants to be taken care of. Go back with the other guy who cheated on you. leave that man alone. Leave his money alone, too. he does not deserve to waste his money on you. You only mention about his looks and his finace you are indeed a materialistic women and any man over 31 years old can see that. dont worry he won't suffer if you break up with him, he is probably wanting to break up with you, too and does not know how too. yes, break up with him, he can easily find another women with all his wealth and education.
just tell him you have to tell him, something important that you admired him when you first saw him, and that any women would easily use him but you do not want to be any women, that you only want to be the women who cared enough to tell him the truth. that you like his stlye but that your ex-boyfriend just got out of jail and that you promised him, that when he came out that you would give him another chance and that your ex-boyfriend went to visit you at your apartment or your moms house and ask you to keep your word and that you want to thank him for showing you many things and teaching you many things but that it is best to part as friends cause you do not want your ex-boyfriend to know about him cause you do not want anything to happen to him, and that you want to always remember the good things that you both shared and then change your number and end it.. just end it and wish for the best with your new boyfriend. and give your 31 year old boyfriend a chance with him life to find himself a new girlfriend since he is still young enough for many other women.
2007-02-04 04:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by bankone1111 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your young!!!! live young i think self sufficancy is huge in this day and age get a career in order.. dont get in to much of a hurry to settle down people whom really love you will wait for you to make up your mind prove to your self you dont need someone else to take care of you i settled down way to young and i deeply regret it my life is flying so fast and i dont feel like ive gone anywhere because i married the what i thought was "the one" play the ball field for awhile whats the rush?
2007-02-04 04:12:43 · answer #6 · answered by WYOnurse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
End it now.He's 10 years older,has a completely different outlook,you don't like his dress sense and you don't like his looks,oh,and you like someone else! It's not looking good for him is it.Don't string him along just because he can provide for you materially,that's plain nasty.Tell him as gently as you can then walk away.
2007-02-04 04:03:55 · answer #7 · answered by New Boots. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if u r not sure, follow your instincts & just move on, hesitating so much 2 settle down probably means he's not the right one anyway.
2007-02-04 04:04:22 · answer #8 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, thats an interesting question! lol! 20/F wondering the same thing... holla back
2007-02-04 03:57:32 · answer #9 · answered by Emily W 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
always go with your first instinct
2007-02-04 03:59:05 · answer #10 · answered by shawn m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋