Why do people have children if they're going to abuse them??

Question

I have 2 children age 2 and 6. I can't imagine abusing them. I heard on the news tonight that this 18 year old father of a 1 month old repeatedly beat his daughter. The parent didn't bring her to the hospital until 2 days later. The baby's brain is half dead. The baby don't stand a chance. I've read stories on Oprah about children being kept in dog cages, airless closets, thrown down a flight of stairs, stuffed in plastic bags. The worst part of all, there is no justice because many of these parents are out of prison within 18 months (given that the child is not dead). It really angers me but also baffles me as to why they have children (some with more than 1 kid) if they're going to treat another human being this way. What do you think?

Answer 1

I think if you ask people before they have kids, what they'll be like as a parent, they expect they'll be a good parent. Unfortunately there are several factors that can effect their ability to be good parents. One, their own childhood. Most people who are abused, whether it be physical, sexual or psychological, will tell you that when they have kids, they're not going to be like their parents were. It seems to me that people who were abused as children either turn out exactly like their parents were or the complete opposite (which can be too much in the opposite direction). People don't learn how to be parents. I follow many of the things my parents did for/to me as a child. My teenage daughter is allowed to have a couple of drinks at home. If she's going to a party where she's going to be drinking, I know about it and I always pick her up if required. She's never been rip roaring drunk and has no desire to be. This worked for me and it seems to be working with my daughter. A friend of mine on the other hand, had very strict parents who wouldn't allow her to drink or go out partying so she did it all behind her parents back and yet she will tell you that she is also going to be strict with her children (who are not yet teenagers) and that "she'll know if they're up to something". This is just an example of people following what they're parents did, despite the fact it didn't work for them as kids. Not as extreme I know but you get my point. Most people think they turned out ok. Most of us don't see our own faults and therefore can't correct them. How many people reading this that have kids, have smacked their kids "harder than they intended to" and then wished they didn't. Anger and frustration can be all consuming and if there are other things in your life which are just piling up on top of you, sometimes you just snap.

I made a pact with my daughter when she was 4 years old that I wouldn't smack her anymore. I grew up being smacked, with a belt on occassions, and vowed that I wasn't going to be like my parents. I never smacked my daughter with an object but I did catch myself smacking her harder than I intended. So I stopped. She had toys taken away instead. For the most part it worked. I have had to walk out of the room before when I found myself getting frustrated and I know if I'd smacked her, it would have been more than was necessary.

For the most part, if people have issues from when they were a child, they should get help before they have children but I think there's a lot of people that don't know they have issues until they have kids, especially women who have been abused.

Of course, there are just sadistic people in the world who don't feel remorse for what they've done. If an adult attacks another adult, at least they may have the ability to fight back. If an adult attacks a child, they have no means of protecting themselves and this to me is the saddness of it.

I really believe that people who abuse their children, should be sterilised so that they can't have any more. I know this is an extreme and goes against human rights yadda yadda yadda, but I don't believe the rights of an adult outweight the rights of a child. Actually, I believe the childs rights should outweight that of an adult. I don't think longer prison sentences are going to solve the problem although I too am outraged at the short sentences that are given to people that harm or kill children in an act of violence. I know that if someone harmed my child, I would want them to rot until the end of time. People need help to raise children and when there is no help from family/friends or those around them are of like mind and govt agencies are stretched to the limit and child after child slips through the cracks, I don't see what else can be done. Unfortunately I think the worst kind of abuse is psychological and yet this is the hardest to detect until kids grow up and all that conditioning from their childhood starts to impact on their own life.

I guess the only thing that we can do as members of society is call for help if we see something with a neighbour or friend that's not right. You may loose a friend but if you save the life of one child, it would all be worth it.

Answer 2

It angers and baffles me also. I could never do anything to my children or anyone elses children.
Theres a guy in my hometown that is going through the justice system right now that killed his girlfriends daughter . He has plead guilty and will prob. be walking the streets in less than a year.
He punched the 4 year old girl in the stomach numerous times because she was crying for a toy from the store they had just left and the babies mom was right there and didn't do a thing. They took her home and left her lay in her room and even tried to make it look like she choked to death on candy! It sickens me that these people are allowed to get by with this. The mother was not even arrested!!!! In my opinion they both should be beaten and left to die.
To make matters worse the little girls dad had been trying to get custody of the little angel for 6 months prior to this happening and the court denied it because they said there was no proof that she was being neglected or abused!

Answer 3

Ana, it is sad isn't it? I hate that these excuses for humans get away with it, while others who do nothing of the sort are crucified. My wife's friend was playing with his daughter one afternoon (tossing her onto the bed) and having just a fun time with her. She rolled off and bumped her head. He took her to the doctor just to make sure all was well, and the next thing he knows, he's in jail for 6 months. If I didn't know the guy myself, I'd probably think little about it. I'm just amazed that an awesome parent and almost saint of a person can make a little mistake (resulting in nothing more than a bump) and end up in jail, while abusers and murderers are out in no time and at it again. Our justice system is a joke. The noses are poked in all the wrong places.

Answer 4

I don't understand how people abuse children in these bizarre ways. However i don't think most people plan to abuse their children, i think it just becomes what these people think is normal because usually the parents were all abused as well. As a parent myself i can understand the rage & anger that sometimes kids can cause after days of crying, whinging or having tantrums but sometimes parents don't have a shut off switch & can snap & hurt the child in a rage. I think this is more common with very young people. Luckily most of us can feel angry but can stop before hurting a child. On the subject of sexual abuse these predators don't have any excuse.

Answer 5

I was an abused child.

It's a difficult thing to talk about for me. I wish I knew the answer.

I think a lot of people really believe parenting will be easy and find out they can't handle the stress. I think that is what happened with my mom. I also think there are people out there literally incapable of love. Then, there are those who I think really love their child and do not realize the damage they are causing. Some of course are sadists and some like having the control.

Answer 6

I think idiots like that should have been on birth control.
I will tell you a story that happened within my family. Ok the person i am going to be talking about is my cousin's cousin so no relation to me.
This girl named Beverly got pregnant when she was 16 and that kid was adopted out well she got pregnant again at age 18 and she gave that one to her mom. She got pregnant again at age 19 and she tried to raise it but she was screwed up (not on drugs though just her mind i guess)
My aunt and uncle (My aunt by marriage) tried to adopt the baby (Sherry) and the courts would not allow them to take the baby even though they had been taking care of her since her mom (beverly) didn't seem to want to any longer. The mom (beverly) was married plus had a boyfriend, well the husband told her that he was going to take the baby away from her and she said it where a few people heard this "She said i would rather see Sherry (baby) dead before she is with you".

Well she went up to west virginia to stay with my aunt & uncle and their kids (my cousins). She was acting like she was getting the baby to sleep and smotherd the baby (sherry) to death then walked across the street for a few minutes came back and started screaming that sherry was not breathing. They rushed the baby to the hospital where they worked on the baby for 45 minutes but it was too late. She was only 7 months old.
At the funeral home she showed no emotion and people were talking saying you know she done something to the baby cause their were nothing wrong with baby sherry. My aunt and uncle had insurance on the baby that is how she was buried because beverly did not have none on her (My aunt and uncle truely believed that they would finally get to adopt her)
They done an autopsy on Sherry and knew she had died of being smotherd with a pillow.
When sherry was buried, her headstone only reads Sherry (no last name) because my aunt & uncle could not bare to see her last name on sherry's headstone.
Beverly (the mom) went to jail but do you know that she only stayed in jail for a year plus got pregnant while in jail by a guard. I have not heard anything about her since so i wouldn't know how many kids she has now. This happened in Oak Hill, West Virginia in 1990.

See it is a shame that -that judge did not let my aunt and uncle have rights over that baby because if the judge would have granted it she would still be alive today. She would be 18 years old.

I think that the courts should have ordered her to have her tubes tied but no they could care less.
This is why i think so many teenagers and women should be on birth control if they do not want to have kids.

People gets more time in jail for robbing banks or selling dope than they do murdering someone.

Answer 7

i don't think of that coaching childrens approximately sinners and eternal hell is abuse. i think of that brainwashing, manipulation, and phantasm is abusive. that would desire to be any element nevertheless. Forcing one's own interpretation of the Bible in direction of a infant might desire to be considered abusive. It relies upon on how a good distance the guy is going. and what sort of technique they use. maximum individuals disagree with elevating childrens any particular faith. i don't see any element incorrect with that. Society performs a extensive section while it includes faith. human beings immediately separate themselves, in accordance to non secular ideals. that would desire to be considered abusive to boot. It only relies upon somewhat. faith can flow the two way. non violent and happy. Or torment and torture. coaching childrens the be attentive to God isn't abusive. see you later simply by fact the guy coaching this remains respectful, honest, variety, honest, and sleek.

Answer 8

Hence, one has to be mentally and financially stable to have kids. Why I say financially? Take a scenario where you're in financial difficulties. You'll get all stressed up and eventually snap. That's when you start blaming others including your kid(s) for the plight you're in.

If you ask me, I can never bring myself to abuse them. How can I have the heart to abuse that little person I create and totally depending on me. If they can't depend on me, who then? It's sad to see how some parents abuse their own. They're worse than animals.

Answer 9

yes, it horrifies me as well!!! when those types of things come up on the news i try not to listen... i just pray for the little one. the lord works in mysterious ways, and child abuse and neglect are 2 that i will never, ever understand.

i do know that more often than not, it is from abuse as they were a child, or from an abnormal mentality

Answer 10

I think that they should get the same damn thing done to them. I don't know how people could do that except that there lacking something in their own lives that makes them so cruel or maybe when they were little someone was mean to them so they keep the cycle going.