How does one break the habit of being too critical?

Question

I am nearly always finding fault in others and also in myself. Looking for practical tips on how to quit.

I don't normally say critical things; it's mainly just about my outlook. I'd like to see more positives.

Answer 1

Make a conscious effort to look for the good in yourself, with an uncritical eye- and then try this with those around you. Start being grateful for the little things, like the sounds of birds chirping, or the sound of the breeze at night. Look at the beauty in the little things we take for granted, like a hug from your parents or from a friend. Be grateful and realize none of us is perfect

Answer 2

Whenever you feel the need to say something critical, you should always first ask yourself three things: One, will the person I am about to criticize actually benefit in any way by what I am about to say? Two, is it really such a big deal that I even have to mention it? Three, how would I feel if I was on the receiving end of this criticism?

This is just a way to internally filter constant criticism, and is a good way to slow down the process while you try to change yourself. The problem here is not really a lack of restraint, but the mindset in which you operate. You just need to work on being a more accepting, laid back person, so much so that criticizing people no longer seems natural. Good luck!

Answer 3

Oh I love to hear this! I started this about 10 years ago and it has truly changed my life. Well, not my life exactly, but how I feel about it which is the important part.

You need to conciously focus on positives and conciously direct your thoughts away from negatives. It helped me a lot to create a 'default positive thought' that I would automatically turn to when I noticed myself thinking negatively. It's a matter of changing habitual thought patterns and it takes time to do - it will be 6-10 weeks before you start noticing any change in frequency of negative thoughts. As in all habit changing, the longer you keep at it the easier it gets. I still backslide sometimes but as soon as I catch myself I start forcing myself to conciously direct my thoughts toward postive things again.

At one very difficult point in my life when I was just getting on the positive thought train I used aversion therapy on myself for negative thoughts. I put two fairly heavy rubber bands around my left wrist and whenever I noticed myself having a negative thought I'd give the inside of my wrist a good hard snap. It hurt like heck and after two weeks I did notice a rather substantial reduction in the frequency of negative thoughts. And my wrist was developing a nice callus too...

A word of warning (because I noticed your name) I have a double latte every morning, sometimes another in the afternoon, and I've noticed that when I'm really zooming I have a lot more negative thoughts come up...of course, I have a lot more thoughts in general then...

I highly recommend postive thinking. I can't believe how much better I feel about my life, other people and how much happier in general I am just from looking at the bright side instead of the dark side. Good luck!

Answer 4

Fake it. I am serious. The best way to bring about a change in attitude is to practice. So the next time it is raining, immediatley after thinking how typical it is that is should rain now and how it is going to spoil your day, find something positive to say, regardless of how ridiculous it feel.

Oh crap it's raining again.... but look how clean and shiny the pavements look, look at the patterns it makes on the windowpane.

By following every negative by a positive and faking optimism you will find that you will begin to see the good in things without trying

Answer 5

I freely criticize others, I look for the immediate judgment of my "High Brow" ways, I feel that I have the right to do this because, when I'm done passing judgment on others, I always say to myself "Now lets look at me", There's perfection ! Then I think about all the times I opened doors into my own skull, said really stupid Sh-t, done really stupid things, put my foot in my mouth, made really bad judgment calls..... The "Reality Check" adjusts me back to normal, then again, I'm pretty sure that I'm 1/2 a "psycho" to begin with.

Answer 6

In my experience, the best way to refrain from being critical is to take a good long look in the mirror; if I'm criticizing someone, there's a better-than-even chance it's something I don't like about myself.

Answer 7

Start sharing compliments with others too. The most important thing is to find balance. You aren't being sincere if you only share criticism of others, there must be some good you find in others. Always start with saying some nice, force yourself to start every conversation that way until you feel the critical slant is under control.

Answer 8

Think in great depth of what advantages are coming out of your criticism (none that i could think of) compared to what disadvantages, such as; a dislike of others as well as yourself, lack of social compatibilty-possibly, feeling guilt for being judgemental, and many many more disadvantages that you can only find for yourself.

I myself am very analytical. I have found that that caused me to analyze everything I did from minute to minute as well as tried to analyze everything people around me were thinking by what they were doing (especially if I thought they were thinking about me). This led me to build up anger towards others based on what I thought they were thinking and even more so towards myself.

I soon realized that I cannot even begin to scratch the surface of the depths of what is going on in other peoples minds because I knew that they couldn't even begin to understand mine. And it just led to me being judgemental and not as able to get along with people.

Once I stopped trying to figure people out and judging their thoughts by their actions I was then able to stop being so damn critical of myself too. After that it's also a matter of learning to forgive (especially the ones you love) when someone does something wrong.

Answer 9

Are you a Virgo?? If so then it explains it!! Try the
tips by the others who answered. Good luck.

You are brave enough to admit your shortcomings.That's a good start.Being critical is no fun.You will lose ALL your friends and family members.Do something before its too late.

Answer 10

You will notice yourself thinking something critical before it comes out your mouth. Just don't let the thought turn into speech. If you can't find something nice to say, just say nothing.