How do I explain this?

Question

I am 71/2 months pregnant and just found out that my baby has a heart condition and is going to have to have multiple surgeries. The hospital I have to go to is 3 hours away so I will have to stay near there. I have a 6 year old boy and 3 year old girl already so I have to pull my son out of school to come with me. My 3 year old isn't old enough to understand but how do I explain all of this to my 6 year old? He is always asking me why I am crying and things like that, I just don't know how to tell him something so devastating.

Answer 1

I am sorry about the trials the baby faces already.... I am not sure what this is worth, but I will keep you and yours in my prayers....
for what to tell your six year old? I think the truth is always the best... not really on our level of understanding.. but... tell him the dr. took pictures and they found that his baby is having a little problem with his heart, but that they have people waiting and just as soon as baby is strong enough they will do what they can to make him better... big brother's help is needed by being by mommy when she has to go far away so he will need to be out of school and go with her and help take care of baby and mommy.... and let him know that sometimes even mommies feel like they need to cry when they can't make things better right away.... if you explain it up front and honestly that you are crying cause you get scared too and sometimes it just helps to let it out.... and hugs help too... they are even better.... then get a hug and change the subject... unless he asks questions after that? do not bring it up.....
I can only imagine how difficult this is for you... my second youngest was born with a hole in his heart.. but it is healing on it's own (three years later) and my third oldest.. he was not born with any problems but at three they heard a murmur.... he has some genetic heart disease where the valve is enlarged... his father and grandfather have it too... one that can appear fine a lifetime and then? anyway.... I understand.... and as I said... you, your baby are in my prayers and thoughts.... I am sure things will be okay....
good luck and god bless

Answer 2

First off let me tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this. I can not even imagine what you must feel.
Explaining this I imagine will be very difficult. The best thing to do is just to be honest with him. Tell him that you have found out that their new brother or sister will be born with some heart problems. It is serious. Because of these problems a doctor will need to see the baby a lot and also the baby will have to be in the hospital a lot. Give him permission to ask what he needs to ask. Give him permission to be upset as well.
At 6 he is possibly internalizing and thinking that you are upset with him. I know that seems far out there, but children are so tender that if they see a parent distraught they generally take it as if they are the cause. If you explain it to him then he might actually be some what relieved and then show understanding when you are feeling overwhelmed and devastated by this.
Please take good care of yourself. You will have a lot to face in the upcoming months.
Just out of curiousity do you have a family member nearby that might be able to help with the children? If so you may need to call in all of your favors.
Also I would seek support groups for children with the same heart defect as your unborn child. Leaning of them in the coming months may be helpful and needed.
Thinking about you.

Answer 3

Wow, I'm sorry to hear all that. I think you should tell you little boy something along these lines. "The doctor says that the baby that is in my tummy might have some problems with her heart that need special care. But the good thing is, there are some really good doctors that think they will be able to help her to become well, but they all work at a hospital that takes a while to get to. We're all going to go there together so that she can be close to her new doctors. We will all have a place to live, food to eat, friends to play with and things to do, but it won't be just like home. Sometimes, I cry because I don't want our baby to be sick. Sometimes, mommies just cry for no reason at all! But I will take good care of you and (sister) and (new baby) and we will all be alright!" I would make SURE that he knows that HE will be okay and you will be okay. Good luck, sweetie!

Answer 4

First of all, you would have to explain to us how mentally mature your son is because that has alot to do with how you explain the situation to him. Being the mother of a 5 year old very involved special needs child I can tell you that the first few months are the hardest but you make it through. Sorry, back to your son, I would sit him down and tell him that his new brother or sister was made very special and that he/she will have to spend some time in the hospital with the doctors and he might not be able to visit for awhile but that the doctors will try their best to make him/her better so that he/she can come home and play with him. I would leave alot of the discussion open to his questions and just answer them as honestly as you can with the terms that he can understand (ie..the baby's heart is sick and it needs to get better or something to that effect)As far as your crying goes tell him that you are sad that the baby will be in the hospital and that it is okay to be sad about that but if he gets sad about it that he can come to you and you will talk to him and explain things. I can't stress enough that you should be honest with your son and not sugar coat things or lie because he will figure it out and then he will resent you for it.

Answer 5

Maybe you can get a book from the doctor that is geared towards younger children. (we got a book for my son when he was going to have surgery and it helped him understand what was going to happen) Maybe the book will help your son know what is going to happen with the baby. I wouldn't get too deep into what is going to happen, just let the 6 yr old know that you are scared about the new baby being sick and it makes you sad sometimes. He may even be feeling some of the things you feel. Basically, Mommy's new baby has to have surgery. Sometimes it makes us sad and we need lots of love and hugs. Your 6 yr old and even the 3yr old will probably make you cry more by telling you that everything will be ok.

Best of Luck! I'll pray for your family!

Answer 6

Just do your best to explain to your kids that the new baby is sick and needs the doctors to help feel better. You could also try going to Barnes & Noble to get a book about having a sick sibling.

Also, think positively about the outcome of things. It is going to be a tough time for all of you, but you will get through it. Technology had made it so that babies with congenital heart defects can now live normal healthy lives - I also have a heart defect I was born with. I have had 2 surgeries so far and I'm now 26 and expecting my second child (yet when I was a kid they recommended I never even try to have kids, but everything is fine now...)

Answer 7

First so sorry you are having to face something so difficult and especially when you have other children to care for.

Try to explain to your son that sometimes mother's are sad about things just like he is at times.

Think of an example that made him sad....like when a toy broke...or his pet ran away....something he can relate to....then tell him that the baby inside that is growing there is not well and he or she will need the doctor's help to make him or her well.

Don't tell him too much just tell him enough to answer his immediate questions. If you control how much you tell him you won't have another problem of him being overly frightened and clinging to you..

Do you have family members or friends to help you so your son can stay with them during all this. I hope you do....also I hope you can get some counseling from your religious leader....or call a help line in your city....you could use some special comforting people to help you now...don't be afraid to ask for help.

That is what social workers are for to help you out during these times of stress. Doctors can do so much now days for babies we read about it all the time and see it on the news on TV. Put your baby in God's hands whatever is best for your child is the best for you and your family.

Sincerely,
Mama Jazzy Geri

Answer 8

Oh honey. I'm so sorry to hear of your family's troubles. I hope things go well for the baby. You will just have to explain to your other babes that as a family there are things you will have to do to give this baby the best chance. My girl friend has a 3 year old boy with major health problems, spina bifida, chronic untreatable URI, and a shunt in his head to alleve water pressure. As a family they have to travel 1/2 a day and take a ferry to get to the children's hospital. It's a monthy trek for a lifetime for them. Things will work out for you.

Answer 9

What i would do is plainly explain to your 6 year old that his baby brother/sister is going to have to have surgery so he/she can be born. Explain to him that he will be missing school for a while to stay at the hospital with you and his little brother/sister. Tell him that you need him to help you stay strong through this so that you wont cry so often. I hope this helps and i hope everything goes good with the Baby. In my prayers...

Answer 10

Just be as honest as you can. You need to let him know that the baby is sick and that she is going to need surgery to fix her. Make sure he know it is nothing anyone did. He is old enough to understand. I know it will be hard but you should try to not cry infront of your son. It will only make him upset. I will pray for you and your family. And I hope that the birth and the surgeries go well! You need to check into the Ronald Mcdonald House. I used to volunteer there and they are very helpful. They have counselors that are there for you as well as provide you with a kitchen and all the living space you could need while you are there.