Why is it unjust to spank your children?

Question

My mother spanked me when I was younger and I learned that she was the authority in the house and there was no talking back. It was not abuse why do people think its bad to spank children?

parents, you questions are greatly appreciated

Answer 1

It is the politically correct wackos that don't want people whipping their kids. Yet they are the first ones to complain if your kid is throwing a fit in the grocery store. They think that some kids can't relate the smack to the thing they did wrong and they will only take it as teaching them that 'violence is okay' These wackos can not distinguish between discipline and violence therefore they think kids aren't capable of it either!
They think if you give in to the kid and keep him happy he will grow up normal; as if kids who got a swat every now and then didn't grow up normal. The one lady was trying to pass a law that a parent would have to go to jail for a year if they even smacked their kids hand away from getting burned. Fortunately somebody was using their brain and realized it would do more psychological harm to a kid if their parent(s) had to spend one year in jail and separated from the kid.
As long as you do not hit them in anger, or hit them as a form of taking things out on them, and make sure it is done in a discipling way where you control yourself, that they just know you mean business without coming off as a bully they get the message.

Answer 2

There are two times when spanking is not only not unjust but important.

First, when a young child does something dangerous there is nothing wrong with creating the association between the dangerous act and the shock of a swat or two. Explaining the danger of cars or a hot stove to a child who is not yet able to understand is pointless but creating the negative association is what parents should do.

Sure, parents should try to make things as safe as they can. Put dangerous stuff out of reach and turn pot handles in on the stove, but you can't childproof the world.

Second, as a final leval of discipline. When talk and explanation and time outs have not worked, its good to have that last resort which is almost never needed. If you are doing it more than about 4 times a year its too much. Try having a waiting period first. Give yourself a chance to reconsider and the child a chance to think about what got them to that point. Do you remember having to wait for a serious spanking ? Made you think, didn't it.

Don't hurt the child but make it count so that it is a genuine punishment

People quote all sorts of research for propositions such as spanking lowers IQ or leads to violence. That research is flawed for two reasons.

First, it includes parents who use spanking as a means of stress release. Using your child's bottom as a place to take out agression is definitely wrong but spanking is not the problem, self control is. Yelling in an out of control way is just as harmful.

Second, The studies, do not take into account socio economic differences. Parents who admit that they spank are more likely to be in lower socio economic groups, in bad neighborhoods with underperforming schools. (Parents in the higher socio economic groups have learned that admitting you spank is so un P.C.) Poor nutrition, poor schools, bad neighborhoods, uneducated parents are all associated with underperforming children and with kids growing up to be violent. (God bless those parents and children who overcome these barriers) The studies fail to account for those other effects and reach the conclusions that the researchers want to reach. They are psychologists after all and they want results that will be accepted by other psychgologists and (if they are pursuing a PhD) by their thesis advisor.

If you like, send me an email and lets talk more.

Answer 3

Has anybody here ever asked kids what they think about being spanked? I have. Although my results most probably can not be called "statistically accurate" given my small sampling size and possibly given the lack of control on how many votes a person can make since one e-mail address is entitled to one vote and also the inability to judge complete honesty of responses, I think one can get a far better sense as to how effective spanking is by asking those who are (or were) spanked. Check out these polls which I created on the Yahoo Groups kidsspankingpoll group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KidsSpankingPoll/surveys?id=2425559
There are a number of different theories about spanking. Which of the following do you believe are true? Please check all that you agree with.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KidsSpankingPoll/surveys?id=2430618
How do you feel about being spanked? How do you feel about not being spanked?

I am an adult who was not spanked as a child. However, I am exploring my interest in this topic which I can tell you has been prevalent for me for as long as I can remember, even as a child. However, I never desired to be spanked, but I could very well imagine (and did desire but never acted upon) being the one giving the spanking. That is something very recent for me. Would it do me some good as an adult? I believe it might. Would it have done me good as a child? Probably not. (More details relate to this than I care to disclose here.) However, for some children, it obviously appears to be beneficial to them by their own admission. Why do we always have to throw psycho-babble at issues like this when it would be much simpler to ask the children how they feel about being spanked as I have?

Answer 4

If spanking your kids, works for you and your kids turn out ok (which of course wont be know until later in life) then I would never have a go at you for doing so. Your question though is why is it unjust. Spanking is a control tool. I don't spank my daughter simply because I find it hypocrital to tell my child not to hit others but then I will hit her. It's not ok for her to do it but it's ok for me to do it because I'm bigger than her and what I say goes. I see it as a form of bullying. Yes, I was spanked as a child, and like everyone else out there, I think I turned out ok, still growing, still learning. I have friends who spank their kids with the defence of "spare the rod, spoil the child" and I've had discussions with them about this. I don't agree with it but I also believe that it's their place to raise their child as they see fit. They don't go to extremes however there have been occassions when one of them has told me that she hit her child harder than she intended and was sorry immediately because she became so frustrated. People treat children like they own them, they're a possesion and they should be able to discipline them however they see fit and I don't agree with that. I do think that children are little beings that we are supposed to help learn and grow and teach them what's wrong and right but I don't think you need to spank a child to do that.

Answer 5

I dont think there is anything at all wrong with spanking a child. I KNEW my mother meant something when she said it or else I would be spanked. My dad also. Some people dont know how to control a spanking so they take it to the extreme. Abusing or beating a child is wrong. If more children were spanked instead of just letting them go, I think we would have more control over our children. Punishing them just dont seem to help. Afterall the Bible says if you spare the rod you spoil the child. Of course who reads the Bible anymore .. its really a shame.

Answer 6

They think that children will that hitting is the only way to deal with problems. I disagree though. I was also spanked and didn't grow up to be a criminal. My son only gets a swat on the butt if he is doing something dangerous, like trying to run out in the street, or grab knives out of the dishwasher, Time outs seem to work good for him.

Answer 7

because spanking confuses a child- they think violence is acceptable, its okay to hit those who are younger or smaller then your self, and they grow up to pass this on to their children
(it is also weird to understand how someone who loves you would hit you)

spanking is a punsihment- you did bad, now you will be in pain.

discipline works better- you tell the child they did someone thing wrong, and why it was wrong. then you give a consequence.

its mental abuse, if not physical

Answer 8

I dunno... maybe time has changed and so does children of our time. I strongly believe in being firm and not spanking. I've seen my boy who is 2 embarrassed when I scolded him in front of strangers at the mall when he was throwing a tantrum. From then on, I knew though he's just a 2 yr old child, he have feelings and I've to find other way and that is, be firm and talk in a very firm tone and let him know his mistakes. If we continue to spank and scold, that'll only help make a child retaliate and disobedient.

Answer 9

There are so many ways to discipline your child these days. Spanking is an effective way to control your children, but the consequences are that they are scared of you, furthermore, they learn to react and behave without thinking. I think there are much better ways of disciplining a child whereby they learn to communicate, make choices, respect their parents in a non threatening, non violant environment.

Answer 10

Who knows..That is why i do not care what others have to say about spanking. My child is going to mind me and if he dosen't then he will get a spanking not a beating like how some people make spanking out to be. Spanking is okay when it is done out of love and any cop will tell you that.

Answer 11

i'm no longer a 'hitter.' Frankly, i will tolerate a 'swat' if a baby reaches for something on a warm range; or reaches right into a fan. in spite of the incontrovertible fact that...i'm in touch that a lot of questions approximately Y/A are from S&M-type persons who 'get off' on bare-backside spankings of their toddlers. that may not stable! Get your significant different to consent to a 'bare backside spanking.' in case your significant different enjoys it; and you 'get off' on it; then all of us is chuffed! and you do no longer could contain a small baby on your "exhilaration!" The small baby gets exhilaration from this, as nicely!