What do you do when your boyfriend has been with you for a year but now might have a 2 year old baby?

Question

okay so im still on the effects of the news but i need some serious advice. Last nite my man told me that he has gotten summoned for child support and his ex is gone leave the baby if the child turns out to be his. So this chick is flying out here to get a paternity test and will be here for three days. Am i wrong for feeling like number two now. I know i should wait for the results but I have no priority now if this child is his. He said that i should just leave but i dont know what to do he dont think its going to change our relationship but i know it will. HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

Don't flip out! That was before you and you should be there to support him because that is what a strong loving girlfriend does. you will not be second. You don't know how much that child needs a mother and father. He has missed out on a father for two years don't let him miss any more. He is also going to need a mother figure. That child is going to need you. Don't let that child suffer because you will regret it in the long run. And the fact that the mother (birth) doesn't seem to stable. That child could bring you two even closer.

Answer 2

A child will change your relationship, but it doesn't have to be for the worse. I wouldn't worry about his ex at all, as I'm sure he is over her. The child SHOULD take priority over you, as this proves that he is a good father, a man that you should be happy to call your own. He will not love you any less, he may just not be able to go out at the drop of a hat or have a lot of money to spend on himself or you. If you want it to work out, you support him. Don't expect him to be out with you all the time, but start doing things together like watching DVD's or taking the baby to the park. Your relationship can be just as rich, maybe more so, with the addition of this little stranger. Give it a chance. Buy the baby a small toy as a welcome gift, and get to know him. In time, you may learn to love the little guy as if he were your own. This will show your boyfriend what a loving person you are, and how lucky he is to have such a supportive and nurturing woman in his life. This situation will not be easy to get used to, but it can be rewarding for you both. It can also deepen the bond between you two. The child may have to come first, but he can not replace you.

Answer 3

The only thing to do right now it wait for the paternity test results. If this baby is his then it's just as hard for him as it is you. You can run away from this at anytime but he can't. If you love him and want to support him through this than all means because i really is going to need someone at a time like this. If your worried about this other women, don't be. If they were in love they would still be together. He's been with you for a yr now, that's enough time to have true feelings for someone and defiantly too hard to leave them.
I think your jumping ahead of yourself and you should feel second right now because that baby should defiantly be first at a time like this! Don't get your priorities mixed up, this baby is innocent and needs a father.
All you can do is wait, see what happens and go from there.

Answer 4

Kaybee, he may be telling you to leave till it's over because you will have to go through some things that are messy if you stay. If you choose to stay, don't take the role of #2. Take the role of his prefered choice. Cat fights with the ex is out. It may turn him off both of you which would fit into the ex's spiteful plans.

Look at it from the other's view points:
the EX
- Why did she wait 2 years to ask for support?
- If she was in another relationship over that time, she is either bitter about a 2nd breakup and taking it out on your man or ... he new bf thinks it is a good way to get extra $ for their fam. Either way, she wants to hurt your man.
- If she sees your man without anyone beside him, she may think she can seduce him to get more $. If you two are a strong couple, then he will need support. Don't let the ex bait you into a shouting match. You may be becoming her kid's step-mom.
- Take arguements off the two womeen and onto the kid. It should be a way to soften her a bit
- Get a small gift to go back to the 2 year old. His or not, it may again soften things. If he doesn't agree, hide it till the results are positive or not.

Your Man:
- He is a dad (if it turns out positive). Will he want visitation rights? Spend time with the kid? He wouldn't want to be paying money without knowing Junior is taking after his/her dad in some way.
- He may want to know you don't judge him badly ... you are in a bit of a shock, but he wants to know if you are there for better and for worse. Can you stick by him without getting emotional when things come up?
- He and her broke up. there may be shouting, etc, from the heart scars. It may not be a pretty scene. You may see a side of him you didn't know was there. Don't side with her in front of the both of them ... but talk to him when you are alone if there is something you don't like

LEGALLY: If he is getting emotionally blinded during the whole paternaty thing, you may help by having some legal understanding with a bit of research.

Good luck. He is your man now.

Answer 5

I don't want to sound mean, but there's no other way to put it. If you are worried about being "number 2" then you are in no way mature enough to be with a man who has a child, if the childs turns out to be his.

If she is saying she is going to leave the child with him, if he turns out to be the dad, then YES his priorities will change. Raising a child is a 24/7 with no vacation time and little to no free time, and if you can't handle the fact that your boyfriend might have less time for you, then you're better off finding someone who WILL have the time to dote on you.

In short, you can't be high-maintenance and worried about being "number 2" when a child is on the scene. It's selfish and immature and he's right for saying you should "just leave". Someone as immature as you sound wouldn't be a good role-model for this child anyway, especially since it sounds like this child is about to be abandoned by its mother. He or she will need a strong, MATURE female presence to dampen the damage that will be done if his/her mother abandons him/her.

Answer 6

He said that you should leave?

Right now chaos reigns. I know it must be hard to imagine yourself being put second to a complete stranger, but you can use this as a test to see how he would treat any children that the two of you may have in the future. If this man means that much to you, give him a little space, and see what the paternity test says. If your man is worth keeping, he will try to win you back and make you a part of his family, no matter how things turn out.

Answer 7

ok.. i have been in a relationship with a man for about 3 1-2 years now. when we first got together he only had 1 child. as time went by, things were'nt going so good. we broke up and he ended up having another child with a girl who he had a one night stand with. since then, it has been very hard for me to overcome this. i feel like i am second best sometime too and i just think that it's normal to feel like that. it is a very hard thing to face, especially if you decide to still be with the man. i did. as i look at it, maybe it happened for a reason and someday i will figure out that reason, but for now i just try to forgive him and move on. i think that you should talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling and try to make him understand where you are coming from. let him know that it is not going to be an easy thing for you if the baby is his. i wish you the best of luck!

Answer 8

Actually I'm kind of having the same problem myself. But I'll Tell you I care about my bf so much with all my heart. Yes it'll be hard and you worry that when the child gets older that you'll have the usual your not my mother don't tell me what to do problem but, If you love the guy and it seems you do you have been going out for a yr. Then stick with him, he needs your support and a child is never a burden or it never should be a kid is something to be happy about its a miracle. I worry that I'll be pushed out of the way but if he loves you he'll never leave you, he of course will give alot of time to his child but that's what you should expect and that's good, most fathers now a days don't want nothing to do with their kids. If he's willing to step up to the plate be proud that you got a man that will do that. But remember most important he is with you not her. Although the kid might take time from you, it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you anymore. Give it a Chance and don't leave him. He's probably nervous about it to, guys wont usually admitt it but its scary for atot of them.

Hope that helped some what and best of wish's to you.

Answer 9

It will change your relationship! It will no longer, be just the two of you, but the three of you. The child will be number one in his life, but there is no reason why the child can't be number one in your life as well. Treat the child, as your own.

If you are a serious part of your boyfriend's life he should involve you in any important issues involving the child and treat you like a parent too.

Answer 10

Would you really want to be with the kind of man who would turn his back on his own child? The kind of man who doesn't take his responsibilities seriously and makes his child, who cannot help him/herself at age 2, his first priority? If so, then yes, you should leave. Right now he needs your support, not your insecurities. So buck up and grow up and be strong, or leave him be to work things out with this situation. He can't handle two children right now.