I recently lost a father & 11 months later lost a 21 yr old son to Cancer. My heart is broken. Is there hope?

Question

My Father was also a good friend and a business partner. He died instantly with a stroke. my son was diginosed with cancer a month later. Ten months he held on and then spiked a fever and died. My days are filled with tears and pain as I watch my wife and other son deal with this loss. I don't expect much responce from this question.

Answer 1

I am truly sorry for your loss, and wish that there was something I could say that would ease your pain and suffering. I have never lost someone close to me and do not know what you are going through. However I will leave some advice that a friend told me after he lost his mother. Don't dwell on how they died, instead remember all the good times and memories that were shared over the years, and rejoice because there suffering has ended, and they are in a wonderful place where there is no pain, only love and happiness. Again I am sorry for your loss, and my prayers and thoughts go out to you.

Answer 2

I lost my first child at 21 months old from heart failure. My first husband was cheating on me at the time and my life took many years to gain some normalicy so to speak. I spent many years in depression and was even suicidle a few times. My mother was a good part of what I am today and lost her almost five years ago. I now have two children and two grandchildren and regreat taking the good part of me away from the loved ones I still had. I put the rest of my family through torture for my loss and it did not bring my son back. I miss him today greatly even though many years have passed. I just wish I could have realized back then that I couldn't bring him back by my pain and suffering. There is no real advice I can give you but I can surely be a person you can relate to. If you need to chat or even talk, please email me. I may not be able to take your pain away but I can definitely understand more than someone who has never experienced the loss of both a child and a parent in one lifetime.

Answer 3

Hi there ,
I know your pain , I have been there. I lost my 7 year old son. We will be going on year 7 on Valentines Day. I will tell you that it gets easier to deal with as time goes by. The first year was horrible. I had to hang on to even the smallest things to survive. I looked forward to a cup of coffee or my favorite movie. Any little thing to give me the slightest ease to my pain. I didn't find a way to get around the pain which I know is probably what you would love to hear. I wanted everyone to tell me how to get out of the darkness I was in. Little by little the days got better and sometimes I would even find myself smiling at the thoughts of my son rather than aching from the pain.My husband and I stayed strong but sometimes it was hard for us to talk and support each other because we were both hurting so much. I owe my life to my then 3 year old daughter. Sometimes I think if it weren't for her I would have curled up into a ball and died.I had to get up for her everyday to take care of her. Find someone (your other son) or something (even a pet) that you are accountable for and make sure that you make that your reason to get up everyday until you finally find that will to live again. I do promise that it will get easier .You have made it this far.You are strong and you are going to be ok. I am thinking of you. Erin

Answer 4

I'm sooo sorry for your losses. My Aunt had a similar situation she had 5 kids and a baby on the way when her husband was hit by a drunk driver and a year later her 3 yr old ran out in the street chasing a cat and was killed by a car, 20 yrs later her oldest child died of suicide. My Aunt is one of the strongest people I know. Eventually, she stopped crying. I have two young sons and I have to imagine losing a child would have to be more than I could take, I can only imagine the pain you feel inside and wondering if it will ever stop. In time it will get better, you will always love and miss them, but when it gets so bad that you can't bare it rest assured that soon you'll be reunited and a family again, it is only a fraction of time for your deceased loved one to wait but the rest of your life for us here on earth. At Christmas buy and angel every year to place on your tree to remember them and make it like they are still here, take care to look for signs that an angel may send your to ease your heart in knowing they are still by your side. After my Grandma died in my house we can home from the funeral and went into her room and it had an overwhelming smell of flowers, with no air fresheners or flowers, years later every now and then I'll walk in there and the smell will be just as present as the day she died I know it is my grandmas way of saying she is still right here with me. Stay strong as a family and take care of eachother. Your family is in my prayers tonight.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that is seems impossible now and I can still promise you that it gets easier. It takes time. I am sure someone has already told you that, trust the truth in it. Your son and father are never truly gone as long as they have you to remember them and the joy and you love you shared. You and your family will be in my prayers.

One of the things that helped me through my losses was talking about the person(s) I lost. This can be uncomfortable for some. Find that person who will listen. Call your local Hospice Program they have very special people who can help you and your family through.

Take Care and Bless You!

Answer 6

Sir, I do feel your pain. I lost my 26 year old son, then we lost my father in law. I can tell you we are at the 2 year point and things are getting better. But not a minute goes by that I don't think of both of them. I can tell you that it does get better but I will never, ever forget the pain of loosing the both of them. My father in law had cancer, my son died suddenly, unexpectedly. I cannot say that time heals all wounds because I am still in pain. But each day does get easier. God Bless you and your family. I understand.

Answer 7

I am so sorry to hear of your loses. It's hard enough to lose a father that you are so close to, and then a child, this is a night mare. The only advise that I can offer you and your family is that you need to move, to relocate, you need change, that might help to clear your minds. I couldn't live in a home that I shared with someone and then lost them. Once again, my deepest sympathy for your loses. I know that when I lost my brother Ricky, I was a little girl, and everytime that I sat the table, I couldn't stop setting my big brothers seat at the table. Good Luck

Answer 8

I am sooo very sorry for your loss. I have experienced it myself. In March of '01 my Dad passed from congestive heart failure. 3 months later my 11 yr old son died after I took him to the ER, due to an epileptic type seizure. There were days when I wondered if my life should or could go on. Then last year we lost my brother to cancer. He was my "go to" person during the hard times of grief. He helped me realize that even though it's hard work especially at first...life should, can, & does go on. Neither my Dad, my son, & now my brother would want me grieving to the point of losing myself. I'd be willing to bet yours wouldn't either. It may sound cliche' but try to think of them in the good times. It does get easier. You never get over it, but with time you do get on with it, & it does get easier. It might also help if you can let your family "in". Shared grief is better in the end.

Answer 9

i can't imagine the pain that you are in. i cannot empathize with you. i did lose my father very suddenly to a heart condition, but no other family member so quickly. My heart aches for you. i will say that there IS hope. Time helps. i know it sounds like a cliche in your situation, but it does help. Are you a Christian? If not, my advice will not mean much unless you are at the end of your rope. i would suggest reading the book of John. Often times we go through very, very difficult and painful situations like the one you have described so that we can help others in the future. i know it does not feel like it now, but down the road a bit you and your family might very well be able to help some folks in a similar situation to yours. i know it does not seem fair at all. We do not understand everything that happens to us in this life. i am so very sorry for your immense loss and i will pray for your peace. Hang in there. It WILL get better. Best wishes.

Answer 10

You seem like such a sweet person and I wish I could do more than just say Im sorry for your loss. But please dont lose hope!! Life will go on and its definitely hard and unfair, but its life you know? Just have faith and know your father and son wouldnt have it any other way than for you to continue on with your life but remember them through all the good memories. Death is so hard to cope with when it takes away someone who meant the world to you, but it makes you appreciate life and those around you alot more so stay strong for your wife and son. Take care!!