Should I respect all adults or should they earn my respect first?

Question

I am 16.

I respect my daddy (my mom is gone, sadly), and maybe a few teachers and other adults, but most of my other teachers, some of my friend's parents, principal and vice principal I do not respect. They are mean, arrogant, buffoonish, child abusing (some of them) nitwits. I believe respect should be earned, and it's a two way street. I do not believe in respecting adults unless they earn it, but many adults think I should respect and obey them blindly.

To actress, singer, violinist: yes you are right, Emily and I are a lot like. We are both very sweet, but we are also both spoiled brats.

Answer 1

Lori, this is a great question! I used to ask the same one.. and now my daughters and sons have... it's a loaded one too... the answer is simple.. and not so... but I think you already know the answer inside anyway... or you would not have verbalized it.....

this is what my mother told me when I asked the very question....... you are very right... they should earn it.. you might be a "teen" and even for "kids" this is true... anyone whether adult or child, or a peer has a certain amount of "respect" and trust given to them by you... before you get to know that person... and what they show you from there out is what determines if you respect that person or not in the long run.... but when someone proves or shows they are undeserving of that respect it does not mean that we in turn can lower ourselves to their level and be disrepectful... right? so, we deal with it... act respectfully and for the time we "have" to be around? keep our mouths shut... for you it would mean learn what can from your teacher and move on... luckily you do have to deal with any teacher indefinitely.... like maybe say co-workers or bosses? this is all practice, unfortunately... this whole issue of some people just acting like the way you describe your teacher and some other adults...... the people we learn to respect are the ones we go out of our way for... out of our way to "hang" out with... or get advise from, spend time with.... the rest of the world we have to learn to tolerate, not respect... not giving someone respect does not mean we have to be rude.... that was the last thing she told me on that subject.. she also reminded me that when I walked out the door the teachers, adults did not see me... they saw my parents and grandparents.... so yes you are right! even us adults have to earn your respect.. but all people should be treated decently, not rudely...even the ones that treat us with disrespect...

Answer 2

Do you realize that you and Em are acutally somewhat similar? It's bizarre.

When you meet adults, I say you give them a fair chance. Practice basic ettiquite around new adults, and if they don't give you reason to consider them disrespectful, I say you should just respect them.

As for the adults you already disrespect, start over. Start practicing basic ettiquite and, again, unless they make you think otherwise, keep it up.

But I don't think you should just respect and obey anybody blindly. I know, kind of shocking to hear from me, but everyone is entitled to thoughts, opinions, and feelings. If an adult tells you that you have to do something that you feel is wrong, than I say you should speak your mind. (And you all know how I feel about that stuff, so if I say it, it must mean something.)

Good luck Lori. I know you can do it!

(PS....again, you and Emily have so much in common. She probably has great advice for you.)

Answer 3

Rule of thumb, respect all people until they give you a reason not to. You'll get along in life a lot easier that way. But from your question, you sound like you want to make waves. You will find as you get older, there are a lot of nitwits in the world. Some are not even aware they are one. You might end up even working for a nitwit one day. If you have had run-ins with principals and vice-principals, chances are you're the problem, not them. Grow up a little and realize, its better to try to get along with people rather than try to find ways to push their buttons.

Answer 4

You should treat everyone, child and adult, with respect from the get-go. If they do something to lose your respect, then they have to earn it back. I am also a firm believer that people's age and/or position doesn't automatically make them worthy of respect. You should respect someone's decision or point of view if they have a good deal of experience to back it up...but this still doesn't mean you have to respect them. Also, respecting and liking people are two different things. I respect many people in the professional and academic world that I wouldn't associate with personally because of personality differences.

Answer 5

You're right not to respect all adults unless they prove worthy. There are a few awful teachers in my daughter's school whom I couldn't respect to save my life. Respect IS earned. The only thing I suggest is that if the person is in a position of authority, say your principal, and you don't respect him b/c he's a loser, I think it's still prudent for your to respect his position and stay civil. This doesn't mean that you really respect him, it just means that you respect the position of his authority. Thinking of it this way will allow you to not blindly respect an unworthy individual, but still show defference to his position and keep yourself from getting in trouble.
I admire young people who have enough confidence to not hand out respect to all adults, but "not respecting" and "disrespecting" are two different things. One is an act of ommision, and one is an act of commision and can get you into trouble.
So don't have to respect, but for your own good, don't disrespect either. ;o)

Answer 6

I believe you are confusing respect with the people you like or dislike. You should show respect for all people if you chose to be shown respect. What bothers me most is how disrespectful we've become as a Nation. For example, we used to show respect for a person's position in life, one which was earned. Teacher, Policeman, President, etc. You don't have to like the person but you should learn to respect the position! I went back to college at age 49 and even though I was older than many of my teachers, I still referred to them as Mr. or Mrs........out of respect!

Answer 7

You can "respect" someone and not like them. And as far as Obeying if they are in charge of you then u need to do what they say (within reason) and respect them. I grew up with parents (of friends) and my "elders" already forming an opinion of me before we met because of my home life. I had to work really hard to squash any preconceived ideas they had about me and the best way to do that was to be nice, polite and respectful. You get what you give in life so if you want respect you have to give respect. Good Luck hope that helps.

Answer 8

You should respect adults. I admit that alot of them are not the best role models, but that could be because of how they were brought up. Alot of adults really don't have it against you, I'm sure they want the best for you. I'm almost 38, and I can totally understand how you feel, because when I was 16, I was very disrespectful to adults. I realize now that if I handled it differently, then I would be better off today.

Answer 9

I agree that most adults should earn their respect, but you should keep a certain amount of respect for all adults!!! No one is trying to take your mom's place, but alot of the adults in your life have the life experience that you don't have!!! Not all adults want to rule you, but they just want you to know their experiences , so you don't make the same mistakes that they made!!! We may be older but we're not OLD!!!!!!!

Answer 10

as a teen myself, i know how hard it is to respect an adult who doesnt deserve it. and how as a child we were taught to respect all adults. But instead of showing your lack of respect ( which will only make others lose their respect for you) just remember you dont have to like someone, but just try grit your teeth and act nicely toward them, itll show that you are the better person in the end.