My daughter hasn't seen her dad for nearly two years but i feel as if she's hurting inside?

Question

I always ask her how she feels about him but does say she feels nothing for him.He doesn't help financially. I feel that she's losing out in some way or another. It's only myself and her and i suppose in a way i try to give her more but now i feel she resents me for this.What are your comments on this?

Answer 1

Maybe you're just being too hard on your yourself.. Sometimes, divorced parents feel guilty and feel they're taking something from tehir kids, and the kids, not always feel the same way, you know?
Maybe your daughter does not feel much about her father..If he hurt her in the past, maybe she's just separated things and is perfectly happy..
All you can do is be there for her and support her in her life.. Make sure she knows if she's sad or upset, she can always comes to you, and that's about it!
Be the best mother you can be and stop feeling guilty! You did NOTHING wrong. If he's not in her life, unless you have forbidden him, which doesn't seem to be the case, it's his fault and responsibility.
Love you daughter (which I can tell you do).. your love is all she needs in life.. Good luck!

Answer 2

Perhaps you should try talking to your daughter's Daddy and just ask him why? Let him know how your daughter feels or at least what she has told you and then let the chips fall where they may. I have a wonderful niece who unfortunately went through this very thing and for years I watched the hurt in her and finally she picked up their personal phone book along with the phone made a call and ask to speak to her Daddy. She said "Hi, this is Ashley, remember me, I am your daughter and you haven't bothered to see me or make any contact with me in about 10 years, so I decided that I would call you and tell you what you have been missing out on. Needless to say, her Mother and I were shocked beyond words!!!! But at the same time we were thrilled that she had finally let out all of the bottled up emotions and let it out on the right person. Afterwards she sort of grinned and said, Momma, I am gonna go play volleyball with my friends for a while. Something must have clicked that day, because her Daddy calls her, comes and sees her, sends her money whenever he thinks she needs money for school...(she is in college now). Give your baby girl time and see what happens but always encourage her to let her feelings be known. Good luck and best wishes!!!

Answer 3

I do not know how dads can sleep , breath, eat, do anything without the thought of there own flesh and blood. My son also has not seen his dad in 3 years. Like your daughter he tells me feels nothing towards his dad, that his dad is a loser and a jerk. Well I know he is right, but on the inside he hurts just like your daughter. He trys and hides it, because he doesn't want me to feel bad.
She doesn't resent you , if she resents anyone it is her father, but you are the one there to lash out at, to see all she is going thru. she would rather do that to her father but he is not there. Talk to your daughter and make sure she knows you love her, and no way is she to blame for what happened.
My son says he wish he had never been born, but I tell him, he is the best thing that happened . It was the one thing his dad gave me , that was good. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 4

I think you should listen to your daughter. My father did the same thing my mum, sister and I. He had an affair and dirvoed my mother and only called on special occassions after time went on he stopped calling and the presents stopped coming and you learn to live with it. It is unfortunate for your child that she doesnt have any contact but sometimes its the best way so you dont put your child in a position where they could get their heart broken by their father if he doesnt call or show up to pick them up for a day out together. In the end you dont miss what you never had and thats th hard truth.

Answer 5

Trust in your daughter. She knows how she feels inside and those feelings may change. But, thats nothing you can predict. Just be a good mom and don't worry if she holds resentment to you because thats out of your control. Just show her that you care by being involved in her life and not re-living the past.

Answer 6

So sorry for this to happen to your daughter. She obviously has issues concerning him that you may not understand for years to come. My daughter and I experienced the same situation. She was three at the time of the breakup, and never really knew her father . Now at the age of 24, she still deals with the absence of him . Your child has come to realize that he is not a contributing factor in her life . Therefore she feels no obligation towards him . Try not to confront the issue,,,,,,,,,let sleeping dogs lie. Concentrate on positive support for her. Namely yourself . You can not make up for or replace the absence of her father . Just be the best role model that you can be . Let her come to realize in time whether he will be worth her time or not . It is difficult but much better than to try to force what may not be there . Best of Wishes

Answer 7

If her dad doesn't want to be involved in her life, unfortunately there's not much you can do. Do you have other family on her dad's side? Maybe get her paternal grandparents to see her, etc, so she can have some kind of contact with her dad's side?

As long as the adults in her life love her and want to be with her, that's what matters. Forcing an unwilling, pouting dad to spend time with his child (sad, but some men can be like this) is worse than having him absent.

See if there's a grandma, grandpa, aunt or uncle on dad's side who would love to spend time with her. Even if dad's not around it would be nice if she was included in that side of the family as well.

And remember, no parent is perfect. What's important is that your daughter know you love her and accept her.

Answer 8

I'm 15 I didn't see my dad for 4 years and I also feel nothing for him, he didn't help me with money .
And my mom feels the same way you do,
And she is wanting me to see him again and I don't want.
I know every story is different,and everyone feels different
maybe you should talk to her, maybe a counseler would help?
just let her know that you dont have a problem if she sees him.

Answer 9

You can't make him be in her life. I would start focusing on your relationship and showing her how strong of a woman you are. She probably is hurting but is probably trying to be strong for you. I would maybe try a family counselor, and just start doing activities that involve the two of you. Just let her know that whenever she needs or wants to talk to you about it she can come to you.

Answer 10

I wish you had mentioned your daughters age. My sons(12) father was in and out of our lives for the first 4 1/2 years, as he has a problem with alcohol. I got on with my life and my sons. Although his dad only lives about 3 blocks from us, I am still on friendly terms with my sons paternal family(cousins, grandma, aunts,uncles). We visit them from time to time and his father is usually there, and tries so hard to be apart of my sons life, but believe me my son has more brains than his dad!!!!! My son speaks to him but calls him by name(not dad or pops)and although polite he tries to turm his attention towards his cousins, grandma etc...I havent received court ordered child support in 8 years, have never put his father down, I explained to him that unfortunately, his grandpa had the same problem ( alcohol) and therefore was unable to be a positive role model, which is why it is so hard for his father to do the same. Try not to pressure your daughter about her feelings for her father, as she maybe afraid of being caught in the middle. Why do you always feel you need to ask her about him,the less said about him the better, and when she is ready to talk to you about him, let her come to you. Yes its very,very hard being a single parent, and trying to over compensate can land you in hot water. So just be her mom and let her know that you love her daily, be that positive role model for your daughter, teach her how to love, respect others, be polite, caring and most of all to have faith not only in herself but in God. So stop badgering her about her feelings for her dad, and just be her mom, love her, enjoy her and embrace her and everything else will fall into to place.