death/traumatic experiences (growing up with no parents, etc..?

Question

my mom passed away when i was 9 and didn't know my dad. i only seen him 3x since age 6. he has denied me a father/daughter relationship and then died last year on my bday. my 18yr old sister had legal gaurdianship of me and my twin sister, but often separated, even in school, as we fought each other.today we are NOT close. my mom had 6 total kids, we are all in diff. states so im alone and now 34, single mom.. I am "frustrated" about things i have gone through in life and would like to know ways people cope with death/trauma.(5 family members passed in 1 year recently) &NO i am NOT on drugs) how did you cope? any time i talked to a dr. they would put me on anti depressants and NO pill will help heal growing up with no parents. doesn't work 4 me
My relationships in the past were all negative, and i stay single now. Why is it that people who grew up with no parents (fathers ) have bad relationships? my twin is co-dependant. im very independant. .. ok enough for now thanks.

i dont have insurance right now.. just highland hospital.. and u know how long they take ... (smile)

im NOT working right now so i can't afford therapy... i dont have insurance right now. cant' afford it. dont qualify for medical at present.

Answer 1

I grew up with both of my parents and every single relationship I was in ended badly. I could droll over the ins and outs but its not important to me anymore...they are there and I am here.

I fear for my daughter in respects to your experience. I am a single mother and my daughter is 5. Lets face it...anything can happen to me at any time. I am afraid for her ALL the time. How do I cope? I move along and live life and try my damnedest not to think about it. I do know one thing though....I love my daughter to death and beyond. If something happens to me I have extreme faith in the fact that I will be there on the other side to guide and protect her. I would certainly hope that she does not go into major depression over my passing...it would make me feel terrible. I would just hope that she would remember that I loved her and will be watching over her.

I think your mom is watching over you. I think everyone is in the situation they are for a reason. It doesn't mean you got the crap end of the stick or that god hates you...it has something to do with learning. First: Remember your mother loves you even now in her death...remember that she is watching you. Second: Be the best person you can and know that your trials and tribulations will not go unnoticed when you pass on to the other side. Learn everything you can and stay as positive as possible.

Answer 2

You say that "my good advice & discipline stops her only temporarily". When she was a toddler, did you only have to tell her things once and she never did them again? It may be tiring but obviously, you need to remind her over and over and over again at this point. You are doing your best. You are concerned, involved, and caring. You are looking into getting her therapy to help her deal with the early loss of her father and how this might be impacting her behavior today. There is no magic potion to get a person to do the right thing. That motivation must come from within. You can only guide her on her way. You cannot live her life for her. Keep doing what you have been doing because obviously it's been having an impact, even though it's only "temporary". I have a teen myself and often feel like I might as well be running against a brick wall when I try to talk to her about some things. I still keep talking to her about them, though...

Answer 3

WOW I know what you are talking about. I've been through a lot...

Let me tell you something. No medicine will help with the pain of losing loved ones. Medicine is forced on people when it is not needed.

I will tell you this. Be creative. Write. Paint. Draw. Sing. Dance. Run. Do everything you can to force your emotions out so that you can see them for what they are.

And it's only fiction that all people with no fathers have bad relationships. Find a way to be objective of your relationships and emotions. Detach yourself from furious situations and see them for what they are.

It's easy to say this bull and hard to actually follow through. There are books on it, but I'm sorry, I don't have the names.

If you need someone to talk to that's not in your world right now, try finding a pen pal.

Hope this helps...

-E

Answer 4

I feel the same way sometimes. I've had very bad relationships in my life and I never thought about the fact that I never knew my father. I don't think too much of it though. I try to keep focus on other things and my mind stays busy all the time. I learned to get into hobying and getting into school.. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope things get better for you.

you should try getting into a hobby of some kind, I'm right now going to college, and I ride a motorcycle.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for how much you have been through. Think about it in a different light. Look how much you have experinced and continue to be successful.

Everyday (sometimes harder than others) you can choose to be happy rather than sad.

We all need other people around us. Join a support group or a church group or take up a hobby or sport to be arounf people that share commone interests.

Enjoy the beauty of everyday. Sometimes "cleaning house" can be great. Remove things from your house or where ever you live that remind you of old painful things.

At some point you have to make the choice to live today rather than live in the past.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Your life story is so parallel to mine, its scary. We should chat.
I will tell you what worked and what didn't, what was good and what was bad. What you and I have gone through is not something most people would really understand deeply unless they experienced pretty much exactly the same life. I feel for you, because I went through it too. I wish the best for you. Its an amazing co-incidence too that I just noticed your question as I was about to flip to new pages on this website.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for what you have had to deal with. I lived in foster from age 3 to age 18, similar circumstances. My father passed away, and my mother might as well have since she doesn't care to be involved. Eventually, you need to accept that that part of your life is over, and that it doesn't have to define who you are as an adult. You still have chances and choices to make. Of course, it will always still hurt a bit, but it will get easier to accept as time goes on. Do you have a support person to talk through things with? Maybe find a counselor who specializes in trauma.

Answer 8

well, i can kinda relate to your situation....I grew up without my father for two reasons...1) my mother is a ***** and kept him away from me and 2) is that he was murdered when I was 7. I was kept from my father's family until I was 18. It was hard to believe that he was dead for the longest time until I saw his grave....well, long story short, I have recently started to "heal" if you will....I ended up moving to where my father lived (he lived in another state). Just being here knowing that he was here at some point and being close to his grave and his family has seemed to help me. It's really hard to explain. As for my mother and I...we never talk any more. She has cut me out of her life since I have found out the truth about her and my dad's marriage. I think not having my father has harmed me in many ways and I kinda agree with you on it being one of the reasons that we have troubled relationships.

Answer 9

There is a wonderful book that I think would help you: "Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know" by Barbara DeAngelis. It sounds like a corny self-help book, but it is really deep and powerful. But still easy and fun to read. It helped me alot, changed the way I think. The bookstore can order it for you if they don't have it. I really think it would help you.

Answer 10

Well this is one way to help help and that is to reach out i no that our news papers have grief support groups try looking there and no you are not alone i lost both parent two brothers and both in law all in the same span talking helps and crying vent just vent get it out,I will pray for you I no its hard and life is but there is help you just have to find it church is good too the have support groups too and they are all free