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The woman i asked to be my maid of honor and i used to be close friends, and it was impulsive that i asked her, because we always talked about when we got married. She got married and i wasn't even invited, and since i asked her to be my maid on honor, she hasn't called or tried to contact me at all. How do i tell her that i don't want her to stand with me anymore?

2007-02-03 13:04:39 · 35 answers · asked by irish_keg_princess 2 in Family & Relationships Weddings

35 answers

just be direct.

2007-02-03 13:06:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

It sounds like you felt slighted when she didn't invite you to her wedding and you don't want to offend her. You maybe think that changing your mind about her being a maid of honor is going back on your word?

We are free to change our minds at any time. It seems like you have re-evaluated your relationship with her and found that you are getting nothing from it. It is your wedding and you have a right to change your mind about her being a maid of honor.

You can call her and tell her directly that you have changed your mind and that you have chosen someone else as your maid of honor. That's all you need to say. You owe her zero explanation.

An understanding friend will honor and respect your decision, however it seems that is not the type of friend she is. Refuse all and any abuse, guilt trips, manipulative or controlling behavior she may try to dish out. Who knows, she might even be grateful that she doesn't have to do it.

Kind regards

2007-02-03 13:20:39 · answer #2 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0 0

Very gently. If possible, get together face to face, like over lunch. Tell her that you have very good memories of your friendship but that you realize you aren't as close as you once were. Explain that you asked her to be your maid of honor impulsively, but you now realize that there is someone else who you should really ask--someone you are close to now who really ought to have that position of honor. Ask her to forgive you for being impulsive and tell her that you have to respectfully withdrawal your request. Ask her to understand.

It sounds like she may not be all that excited about the "honor." She may be very relieved. Even if she isn't, don't allow yourself to be guilted or bullied into letting her be your maid of honor. After all, you weren't even invited to her wedding. If you want to, you can offer her some other position, like the guest book, but you shouldn't feel obligated to.

If you let things stand as they are now, chances are you will always regret that you didn't have the woman you really wanted up there with you.

So be brave. And be kind.

2007-02-03 13:31:38 · answer #3 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0 0

You should give her a call or met her if you can and pretty much say to her what you wrote. Tell her that since she is busy that you have found someone to stand as your maid of honor and you hope its not any hard feelings!! If it is put that on the back burner you have a wedding to plan!!

2007-02-03 14:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by sexychocolatecity21 4 · 0 0

Dear ____,
There is no easy way to say this, but I have decided that it would be best if I went with _____ as my maid of honor. To be honest, the last couple of years we have drifted appart. I know you understand this as I wasnt invited to your wedding. If I put you on the spot, I appologize. You are still welcome at my wedding, but I believe that right now the obligations of a maid of honor would be a strain on our relationship as it is now. I hope in the future that we can get our friendship back to the level it was. If I thought this would improve things, then I would not reconsider my offer. But since I have not heard from you since asking you, I think you are trying to be kind as well. Thank you for understanding and I hope to see you at the wedding.

Write it and send it.
If she gets pissy, so be it.
If she still was wanting a way out, she will appreciate it.

2007-02-03 13:13:23 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Johny 3 · 2 0

Tell her " Hi Sally. I need to talk to you about a mistake I made. Whn I asked you to be my maid of honor I was not sure what the position entailed. I now understand that it means that the maid will help me plan the wedding, prepare for the wedding, handle problems that arise and be available when I need her. This is alot to ask of someone and I appreciate your offer, however since we have hard time getting together na ddo not see each other often, I think it owul be best for both of us if I gave someone else that role. I hope you understand. I just really need alot of help right now and I cannot ask you to take that on."

2007-02-03 13:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by drjen 3 · 4 0

here,s what you do!you call her up and say ( I,m really not comfortable with my decision of maid of honor) I'm sorry but i feel i don't know you well enough anymore to expect you to handle that much responsibility!I have asked a family member to take that position.I do hope to see you at the reception, and here,s a invitation,hay hand delivered, I will be expecting you! OK? and then you get into your car or truck and keep getting things ready for the Wedding!

and good luck in your life.
keep the relationship New,& spontaneuos

2007-02-03 13:29:25 · answer #7 · answered by TJ 3 · 0 0

If she did not invite you to her wedding, and has not contacted you about your wedding. It is safe to say she is not interested in being your maid of honor. No need for a conversation plan your wedding with out her and pick a new person to be your maid of honor.

2007-02-07 08:45:13 · answer #8 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0 0

Write her or e-mail her (this way you have documentation) informing her that since she has not responded to you at all, you assumed that she is not willing to stand by your side at the wedding. As such, thank her and inform her that you have decided to no longer burden her with this responsibility and that you have found someone else who would really be honored to do so.

You don't need to communicate with her after you have done the above. Proceed with your wedding plans as if you didn't hit this snag. You don't even have to invite her as she seems not to consider you a good enough friend for her.

Best wishes and have a lovely wedding!

2007-02-03 13:11:34 · answer #9 · answered by JADE 6 · 0 0

There's no easy way to do this, this is where honesty is the best policy. Just tell her. Don't beat around the bush, don't try to say something you don't feel, just tell her you're really not comfortable with her serving as your matron of honor anymore, since you guys don't seem to be as close anymore. Friends change over the years, especially as we get married, people sometimes tend to forget about their friends who are still single, since they start doing things with other married couples. I hope you can at least manage to salvage your friendship.

2007-02-03 14:00:44 · answer #10 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0 0

maybe you need to call her and say something to the effect of "due to lack of interest on your part, I am willing to let you off the hook about being my maid of honor." I wouldn't bring up the fact that you weren't invited to her wedding since there is no point in bringing up bad things from the past.

2007-02-03 14:42:31 · answer #11 · answered by Dawnita 4 · 0 0

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