Potentially dangerous person?

Question

I have this wonderful girlfriend who I love so much. I think about her all the time. Except that I am worried about her. She told me she has been to a mental institution for bipolar, depression, actual suicide attempts—cutting of the wrist/arms, and one thing got my attention is that sometimes she says she has homicidal tendencies I don’t know if their actual episodes. Is this a potentially dangerous person or am I just paranoid?

Do I need to continue to be in this relationship and ignore the illness or accept it or should I be concerned? What should I do?

Answer 1

Statistics are that you are more likely to be murdered by someone close to you, homicidal tendencies is a very serious issue and she needs it treated right away.
She has acted out on her feelings before and acted out due to her mental state from bipolar and suicide attempts so there is a good chance she will act out from these homicidal urges.
She needs to have professional help for this, if she refuses then as hard as it may be I would break it off with her (nice and easy though over time not right away, don't get on her bad side)
So please get her professional help if she refuses then she is too much of a danger for you to be close to.

Answer 2

First off, accept that she has a problem. Secondly, try to get her help. Sometimes the person will reach out for help(if they have accepted that they have a problem), sometimes they will run from help(you just have to decide which she will be). I cant say if you are in any danger or not, but you will be more likely be the target of her anger if you "dump her" because of the problem. you seem like a caring guy if you are seeking answers to these questions about her problem. From experience, those that attempt suicide, are less likely to lash out against other people(speaking of her homicidal tendencies.) My advice, just pay attention to her signs(of depression), to see if she is slipping back into it, and also talk to her about getting help. Then, make the decision if you are just being "paraniod". If you have anymore specific questions, you can just email me directly if you would like.

Answer 3

Michael, No one can really make the decision for you over this it may be a matter of mind over heart.
I think this woman has been very trusting in you to say so much about herself. It is not easy to live with Bi Polar, for the sufferer or their partners or even family. If they miss or fail to take medication they are a risk to themselves and perhaps in some cases others.
The signs are fairly straight forward, when they are entering the depressive stage, they are lethargic and often irritable, it is when they suddenly have that uplift in spirits that they do something rash.

Yours is not an easy decision if you have emotional attachment, it is also admirable for you to consider having a long term relationship with her. For now just play it cool and see how you both manage through some of her mood swings.

Answer 4

I certainly would be trepidacious. Cautious, with one eye open, you know?? Actions speak louder than words and from what I can tell from your question, none of the homicidal tendencies have been acted upon and she is not currently suicidal.

She has been extremely honest with you though and I think that takes real courage on her part. I would hope that she is getting help and being closely monitored by a professional. If not, that CERTAINLY needs to happen, and, I would think is absolutely necessary for her to be capable of carrying on in a healthy relationship. You do not want to be her therapist. You want to be a support, but you do not want to carry her burden.

Great question. Be careful and be not only emotionally aware but cognitively/intellectually aware of your needs and wants and regarding what you can handle and what you know you can't or won't deal with in your life.

Answer 5

What has her behavior been like? Is she med compliant ... i.e., does she take her medication regularly and she doesn't go off of them?

If she is carefully managing her illness... medication, regular psychiatric checks and therapy with a psychologist or therapist ... then she should be OK. If she is not "managing" her illness . . . RUN.

It sounds like she has been open with you. People with mental health issues that are open are willing to talk with you. Ask her "How will I know when you are turning homicidal or suicidal and what should I do." Ask her if she ever acted out homicidally. With whom and what the trigger was.

Remember the illness is NOT the person.

Answer 6

I will tell you this. My ex bf was "depressed" and told me he wanted to commit suicide, it was an ongoing situation. Not until he broke up with me for the person that caused him to feel this way, did I realize how it messed with my head. All the suicide talk and worrying effected me, a "normal" person. I resent him for what he has done to me. Everyone deserves to be loved as your girlfriend does. But when she starts laying the pycho babble talk and really gets into her depression, it is best you step back and tell her to get help again. DO NOT BE HER THERAPIST!!!!! Like I did. You will hurt yourself in the end trust me. As long as she keeps it out of your relationship, try it out and see what happens. But this isnt a life you want to live 10 years from now, if she reacts certain ways. Remember this. Because of my menatally ill ex bf, I now have to seek therapy. You dont want this, trust me.
Good luck.

Answer 7

I don't think you are paranoid, just worried. Get help some help... Maybe counseling. You guys can go together because it's not good that she's been "put away". I would be worried that she might try something on you if she gets angry enough. If you don't feel 100% comfortable then break up with her. You need a healthy relationship. Not one where you're always worried if she's going to kill you or kill herself all the time.

Answer 8

Ask yourself this, do you love her enough to die at her hands should she become homicidal again? This is going to be a very emotionally draining relationship, might want to consider moving on without her.

Answer 9

Be concerned. You have taken on a huge responsibility. This is a person I personally would not date but then that's my issue.

You need to be prepared that this relationship will be emotionally draining for you. Make sure she stays in contact with who ever monitors her conditions.

Nothing but respect for ya

Answer 10

your being a little paranoid. You have a right to be concerned but as long as your girlfriend takes her medicine she can live a happy and productive life