After a two year relationship ended.. I've finally found someone new, that I have decided to be in a relationship with. The man is not necessarily new.. considering him and I were friends before I got into my first relationship. The first relationship didn't even really end that badly, it was just time for us to let it go. We both agreed. Now for some reason I can not open up to my new boyfriend as well.. and I sometimes find myself being mean, and pushing him away. I know that I care about him.. I have no question of that. I still talk to my first boyfriend, but as nothing more than friends. Why can't I juss be with my current boyfriend and not always be pushing him away.. and constantly needing him to say how much he cares about me? I honestly don't know what to do... and I know we could have a wonderful life together. -Help...?-
2007-02-03 09:30:19 · 9 answers · asked by Alspaugh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Did you just part with your old boyfriend? If you did, you are probably on the rebound and are really not ready for this type of relationthip, and if you didn't just break up, you may not be fully ready for a real relationship yet with anyone.
You need to discuss your feelings with your new boyfriend. Tell him what feelings you are having. Maybe he can help you figure yourself out.
I use to be that way. I would push anyone away that came near me. I didn't want them to like me because I didn't want to hurt them since I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship as a girlfriend/boyfriend type. I strictly told them I was only looking for friends and nothing else and if they felt they wanted more, they needed to tell me so we could move on with our lives. I would push them away if I felt they were trying to get closer than friendship.
You should try seeing a counselor and find out more about yourself. I did and found out a lot about myself. I was molested as a child and then raped as I got older. I had to figure out why I acted the way I did for myself before I could really become involved with anyone.
Talk to him and if he understands, I am sure he would support you seeing a counselor to help yourself understand more of the way you feel about yourself. Make sure he knows so he doesn't feel you are trying to see someone else under his nose. Be honest and communicate with him.
Sometimes we hang onto the old relationships because they are comfortable and not as scary. Sometimes you have to let it go and give it a chance.
Best wishes to you. My prayers are with you and a big hug for you.
2007-02-03 09:40:39 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe. When you date someone first, you might get nervous and start sweating. Your new boyfriend can effect your past, and your old boyfriend can effect the present. I know how you feel. It's okay. And, your boyfriend--current--understands. Which is good.
Now about pushing him away. It may have effected--past to current. If he's a good man, then it's okay. He'll understand. Just tell him the truth. It'll go well, I think. Now call him and tell him the truth!
2007-02-03 09:36:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your pushing him away because deep down you still love your other boyfriend. You can't really stop this feeling and if you really want to move on, it's best that you stay solo for a while until you find yourself first. Once you do this then you'll be ready to get back to dating without it being a rebound relationship.
2007-02-03 09:34:42 · answer #3 · answered by Qu'est ce que tu penses? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you insecure and you need to hear that he cares, and you could be pushing him away because you think he can find someone else. and that you are scared that you will get hurt again. but we all have to take the risk of being hurt over and over until we find that right person that we are looking for. I hope that this makes sense. good luck.
2007-02-03 09:34:47 · answer #4 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're afraid of getting that close to someone else and having it fall apart again...You're afraid of getting HURT.
But if you want to make it work with this new guy, you need to tell him how you feel and why...Make him understand that you're scared and you need help to get behind your past..
If he's a good man he'll be more than happy to do whatever it takes to coax you through these feelings of abandonment...But you MUST be HONEST...If you're not 100% forthcoming with your feelings, you're just going to push this new guy away in an effort to protect yourself.
2007-02-03 09:41:43 · answer #5 · answered by Jefferson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not easy to trust someone new with your most innermost thoughts and feelings is it?
It sounds like you need to sort out the things that will make you happy. You cannot be truly happy with someone if you are not happy yourself and know what you want. Maybe it is just time for you. Look inside your heart, learn who you are and then you can be ready to let someone in.
Best of luck to you. Smile and be happy. Life is short. : )
2007-02-03 09:42:04 · answer #6 · answered by no cutesy name : ) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and you only would know. Give it some deep thought, there must be a reason. You must except him as he is. Talk to him about it ,if you are comfortable with doing that. Be best if you figure it out, I think.
2007-02-03 09:39:38 · answer #7 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes because it,s hard to deleope a new relationship you being care ful. with is one that,s normal to act that way.
2007-02-03 09:35:27 · answer #8 · answered by i,m here if you need to talk. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u is departe
2007-02-03 09:32:41 · answer #9 · answered by whitney B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋