You can't be great friends with everyone, so how do you let someone know that who is smothering you?

Question

In the workplace I knew this nasty woman for years but she found a nice hubby, and they quit that job, and kept to themselves for years (a happy private couple) in a city far, far away. Ten or fifteen years passed. Her hubby just died. He was nice so that's sad. I'm kind of a private person but have developed a group of close friends I adore, and we are all close and have stuff in common. Somehow she got my e-mail and has started sending me long detailed messages about her life (two or three a day) and her sister (who I don't know) got sick and she keeps sending huge messages. Tending to her sister, she even gave my e-mail address to some other person I don't know so they could keep me posted of her life. I am really a very nice person, but I never liked her---she is eogcentric and burns people out. I don't want to be friends with her. Hasn't she made her own friends after all of these years? I would never choose her as a friend. Do I ignore those messages? Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Obviously, this woman is reaching out to you because she needs a friend. Unfortunately, just by being the recipient of the e-mails, you are already involved, and it would be not only rude but terribly cold hearted to not reply at all.

Here's what I would do, I would send her a very brief e-mail, something like this:

Dear _____ --

I was so very sorry to hear of (her husband's name inserted here)'s passing. This must be a very sad and lonely time for you.

Although I would like to help you, right now, I am dealing with a number of things in my own life, and I don't feel that I am strong enough to be the friend that you need me to be at this time. So much time has passed since we last communicated, and honestly, I am not comfortable with this sudden flood of e-mails from you and your other friends. While I wish I could help you, I just can't get involved right now.

I hope you don't think of me as cold and uncaring. But I just can't be that person for you right now.

Sincerely,

(Insert your name here.)



Good luck. This isn't an easy situation. I hope it works out for all involved.

Answer 2

Life is too short. If she was a good person, others would like to be around her. But instead, she is alone so what do you make of it? Call it logic or call it Karma, it comes around and by you being nice to her will prevent her from coming to the realization of self reflection. In other words, ditch the B i t c h.