How do I discipline a 1 year Old??

Question

I have a 1 year old baby and he has gone from a sweet natured little thing to one that screams, smacks and throws tantrums if he cant get his own way. If I tell him no he mostly ignores me or throws a tantrum...mainly he just ignores though. I feel like all I do is tell him off, I dont want him to hate me...I just want him to learn respect and to do as he's told...it seems that it's not woking though, he just hates me !!

Answer 1

Gently and consistantly correct all wrong behaviour. Say no, and lead him away from the bad behaviour. Do this every time he tries this bad behaviour.

Consistancy is the key. Gentle is necessary for a one year old. Remember that they only mimic behaviour they are seeing, so who around him is getting their own way using screams, tantrums and smacks? Just quietly and calmly say that Mommy will not allow that behaviour, and lead him away by the hand for a minute of time out.

You have to make sure that it is YOUR rules that are being followed in the home, not his.

Answer 2

You cant discipline a one year old or expect him to have respect. Like me you want your child to have manners, respect and be well behaved but it makes me laugh that you want this of a baby who has only been here for 12 months. He cant yet express himself orally nor can he control his actions or feelings. He will be fascinated by the red button on the t.v. and no matter how many times you shout at him for pressing it he will do it again. Understand him, He feels frustrated because he cant tell you what he wants and the tantrums are caused by you expecting too much of him. Tantrums come around 2-3 but if your putting this pressure on your son at one year old no wonder he is upset. He is not ignoring you intentionally, if he is engrossed in some ting he is yet unable to take on board what your saying too. Enjoy him and understand that he is trying to make sense of the world. If at 3 and a half he is disrespectful and disobedient then worry.

Answer 3

If you child smacks put him somewhere where he can't continue to smack you (playpen, strapped in a buggy, in bed for a few minutes). Tantrums are easily fixed: just ignore. I had one at the doctor's the other day because she wanted something I didn't want to give her, she threw herself on the floor and screamed her head off. I just let her get on with it, despite (and this is the hard thing) the looks we were getting from the audience. It took about 5 minutes and then she calmed down and continued to sniff in my arms for another five minutes. She still throws tantrums but they are getting shorter every time and I'll tell you why: because I never (NEVER) give in to tantrums. Once you start giving in, they know they're on to a winner.
Now comes the patronising part ;-) remember, it's your job & duty as a parent to help your child turn into a pleasant human being, as Steven Biddulph wrote in "The secrets of raising happy children". I greatly recommend that book if you are looking for gentle disciplining methods, as well as Toddler Taming by Dr. Christopher Greene.

Answer 4

Just becuse he's behaving this way doesn't mean he will be like this a year (or even a month) from now. Patience solves many of these issues, really. Don't expect him to understand concepts beyond his abilities: you'll just make life hard for yourself.

Basically you take a logical approach to solving the problem. First find out if there's something wrong, like hunger/ thirst/ pain that you can do something about. If not, then it's attention-seeking and experimentation. You need to solve the problem as calmly and quickly as you can. If it's with an object like a toy or furniture, move it out of reach, and the problem is solved. Don't say things like "you can have it when you behave properly", that's too hard an idea for a one-year-old. Just remove it and try again in a year.

With just general bad behaviour, of course you say "no". I would use smacking if the child is doing something dangerous that must be stopped immediately - it's a quick fix solution which works, but only if it's not over-used. Otherwise you say "no" and physically move him to solve the problem (e.g. lift him down from the table he's climbed on). It's important to show him physically what the problem is. He doesn't understand language fully remember, so if you just shout "NO!" from across the room, he'll just think "no what?" and won't understand what the problem is, and then he can't learn. You need words and actions together to communicate. You may need to repeat this palaver 400 times, but that's parenting for you. If you have faith that one day it will work, it will! Just don't expect instant results.

The book "Pocket Parent" is a great guide for anyone dealing with toddlers: http://www.pocketparent.com/ - it lists all kinds of typical problem situations and how to handle them. I also found the book "Your Baby and Child" by Penelope Leach was great.

Believe me, he doesn't hate you, he loves you with all his might! It's just that he hasnt learnt how to show that love yet - you have to teach him!

You're doing a very difficult job - good luck!

Answer 5

I dont know why every parent around you believes you're being far too lax. You do discipline her. Your technique seems effective so what's to criticize. I like that you only make her sit on the chair for 10 - 20 seconds. It really is just a distraction and a quick reminder that she has done something wrong. Plonking her on the naughty chair when shes half way through a round with the cat has a shock factor in itself. A bit like a smack I suppose but less painful :)

Answer 6

Been through this stage with lots of different children over the last 13 years. I start by calmly talking to them and expalianing why its wrong and then remove them from what ever is the main cause. If,and it normaly does turn into screamsm crying and tantrums then i make sure they are safe and ignore them. The more you try and reason with them the more attention they are getting from what started with bad behaviour. I know it is really really hard to do but try to ignore the bad and praise the good. It does work but you do need to be consistant and calm, which i know is not as easy as it sounds. Good luck.

Answer 7

First of all, your child doesn't hate you. He's a year old--he has no idea what "hate" even means.

Second of all, your child WILL be mad at you at some point or another! You're here to be his parent--not his friend. Too many people these days are all about disciplining as long as the child doesn't get upset.

Try not to use the word "no" so much. Ignore his tantrums. He needs to learn that tantrums get him nothing. There's actually a "bright-side" to him having tantrums at this age: You can stop them now, and not have to worry about them later on.

Ignore him when he throws a tantrum. Kids don't throw tantrums to get what they want, they throw them to get attention. If you're giving him attention when he's throwing one, you're giving into him and that's showing him that tantrums get him things instead of showing him that tantrums get him absolutely nothing.

Don't be afraid to discipline--that's the problem with parents these days. Too many people afraid Little Johnny will get upset or Little Sarah will be mad at mom and stomp off.

Be a parent--not a friend.

Answer 8

It's hard to do as he's only 1 and doesn't fully understand punishments...

When my daughter gets this way, I firmly tell her no and sit her down on the floor. That usually escalates into her throwing herself back and screaming so I give her "the look" then walk away. She gets really upset that I am now ignoring her and will come up within minutes to get an apology hug.

Try this, maybe it'll work for your little guy too!

Oh, and unfortunately, no matter what we do, the tantrums are basically gonna continue until they are adults! So just try to find what works best for him and helps get the point across for him. Every baby is different. But remember, he is only a baby and can only grasp so much. I wouldn't expect my 1 year old to follow strict orders or "respect". Ya he loves you but children don't usually learn "respect" until they are much older. Try to teach him to use his big boy words instead of screaming in frustration.

Answer 9

I have a one year old boy who is also going through this stage
There is lots of good advice here and i agree with most of it.
One thing nobody has mentioned when your son is doing something he shouldn't go up to him turn his face to make him look you in the eyes then say a firm "no" then remove him from that area. this seems to work for us.
As people have said when a tantrum starts put him in the middle of the room and then leave the crying will continue but he will eventually come to you (probably still crying) then pick him up and you can comfort him.
The first time you do this it's horrible but it's very important.
Don't forget although only a little baby still really, they are very intelligent and are trying to ascertain their boundaries they can trick you into doing what they want not what you want (o'h look he stops crying when i give him this)
This is a very difficult time but you must recognise it for what it is be firm be resolute but also have fun.

He really doesn't hate you.

the very best of luck with your little boy..... :-)

Answer 10

First of all, you have to try to separate emotion from discipline. He doesn't hate you, he doen't have the capacity. Boundaries may be uncomfortable at first, but as he adjusts, he will feel more secure. My suggestion is to start by reading information regarding strong-willed children. Most child professionals suggest that you must keep in mind the temperament of your child. In other words, a shy/withdrawn child does not need the same discipline as an extroverted/confident child. If your child seems strong willed, then consistence is the answer. Ignore tantrums, REDIRECT him from the situation and praise the behavior you want to see more of. He is too young to be able to process all this, so redirection is your best bet. Remove him from the situation that is causing problems. Good luck!

Answer 11

I have a 16 month old, and at this age, they don't understand discipline. They can certainly understand testing boundaries - my son does it all the time and with a look on face that says, "What are you gonna do about it?". They do things to find the reaction, not to be naughty.

We take him away from the area where he's acting out, tell him "We don't do that" (Don't use NO too much or he'll just learn to ignore it), and we put him in the "timeout playpen" or "baby jail" as my husband calls it. We do keep in mind that at this age, he forgets what he did in under 30 seconds, so we don't keep him in there very long. But when we do take him out, we try to find him something interesting to play with or read him a book.

Just remember: At 1 year, re-direction is more effective than discipline. But there are times where they just need a good old-fashioned time out.