We have a BIG problem...?

Question

Ok, my whole family is Roman Catholic. We all go to Catholic schools and both my parents' families have always married Catholics.

My parents aren't too strict about who I date now (as long as I marry a Catholic in the end), but my aunt and uncle are.

They totally flipped out when they found out my cousin was going out with a Jewish guy, so she told them she would end the relationship. But they loved each other so much she couldn't break up with him. They've been seing each other in secret for a year and a half now. They're really in love and they want to get married at some point.

His parents know and they're fine with it. But none of the parents in our family know yet. Her parents are all like "We're so proud of you for being strong enough to sacrifice your feelings for your religion" and stuff like that.

Question is, should we tell them? I don't know if they would chuck out their own daughter and disown her from the family, or if they would be ok if they knew how much they loved

each other.

We're pretty sure they won't be too impressed though... should she really sacrifice the guy she loves for her family???

Help!!!!

Answer 1

Modern times are modern times. I hate to say this but if your family can't cope with different religions with all of the different ones we have now then they'll face massive setbacks and this could be a perfect example of one.

Your cousin is going out with a Jewish boy who she really likes. If her family tries to control her then she could rebel against them as she's already doing by seeing him in secret. They really shouldn't be involved in her relationships and this private meeting stuff just proves that point even more. Besides, her morals are her morals too.

But one thing's for sure though, telling the rest of her/your family sounds like it could lead to complete catastrophe. For your cousins' sake do NOT tell the family yet. She could fall into a massive mental depression based upon the information you gave in the details of the question. Please keep this to yourself and do not let ANYONE know about this, not even your friends or other cousins if you haven't told them already.

Answer 2

There's that word interfering again 'Religion'. Religion causes so much strife.

I don't think you should tell your aunt and uncle about your cousin - let her do it in her own way. If her parents are so religious they'll not forgive her for her deceit. I think they will disown her.

Your cousin needs to decide if she can live her life without her family because if she stays with her boyfriend, that will be the outcome.

Does it really matter if someone is Catholic or not? Surely marrying someone who is a good and honest person is more important. Just because someone is a Catholic doesn't mean they're good or going to make a good husband. What about those that are alcoholics or beat their wives; going to mass every day or week doesn't stop that behaviour.

Answer 3

I am what most people would call a 'devout' Roman Catholic and live in the West of Scotland which is a very bigotted place. I do not consider myself over religious and don't always agree with all the Roman Catholic Church preaches. Saying that I would not change my religion for anything. Hopefully you will now know I understand where you are coming from. First thing is a DEFINITE NO! We are talking of your cousin and you should DEFINITELY keep out of it. I go to mass almost every morning and although not intentional if I was reading your posting wouldn't not blame any non RC for thinking our church is a load of S---! I have 2 daughters, one married and the other being married July this year. Both are marrying non believers. As my girls do practice their religion (when it suits them) the guys agreed to be married in the Catholic church. This was easy for me but I can assure you if my girls had met partners of different faiths it would have been a differenty story. If 2 people practice their religion are we to assume one is more devout than another??? Actually I understand that this is the case 99% of the time. Hopefully as in 2 families we could all have sat together and made a compromise. It is much easier nowadays. As a parent I would have respected the fact that the partners were members of another religion. Hopefully whatever religion was the stronger of the 2 it would be agreed that the marriange ceremony would be in that church. If it was the religion of my daughter's partners I would ask our priest to attend and give a blessing (as allowed within the Roman Catholic Church) and if he refused, much as I wouldn't change my religion I would attend the wedding rather than loose a member of my family. I have no idea what country you are posting from and I hope I come over as Christian. I am not in anyway decrying your family as people are different but quite honestly if people within religions are not willing in this day and age to 'come and go' Religion should not be blamed but sadly we have to realise that these people in the name of Catholism are total biggots!!!

Answer 4

Well if they want to get married then they'll have to know in the end won't they?

The problem is is that your cousin has lied to her parents and made them think that she broke up with him - and so they will flip if she tells them the truth

however, it's not like she can do anything else about it other than tell them.

If your cousin wants to remain a christian then she should tell her parents that it doesn't matter what religion her husband is as long as she keeps her faith. Also, it actually says in the Bible in the New Testament that we are allowed to marry non-christians - I think her parents may be worried that if they have children, they'll be Jewish instead of Christian...

Anyway, your aunt and uncle sound unessacarily strict - they really need to lighten up - if your cousin's boyfriend is a good man then there's no problem with their relationship.

Answer 5

Okay, Roman Catholic here. I don't care who my child marries, as long as they make my child happy and whole. There's a whole world out there with lots of people in it. Your cousin needs to do whats right for her. She's not going to live with her parents forever. She's not going to have children with her parents. She's not going to go to bed and wake up with her parents. See where I'm going with this? To give you some background, I'm a 51 year old female with 5 children and married for 30 years. My husband's family had 7 kids, and very very religious. No one expected them all to marry catholics. My husband and I were the first to get married, and I wasn't even catholic when we got married. I didn't become catholic until my first child was going through 1st communion. All the parents in your family need to get over all this, and just be happy their children are productive, responsible adults. If their the Christians they say they are, then they'll come around eventually or loose their daughter and grandchildren.

Answer 6

At the end of the day if they are strong together then they will be able to get through anything, I feel the should be united in telling the parents to prove that no matter what age, religion colour or creed you are every one loves someone regardless.

Things change in time and over the years people do things differently

I love my kids and as long as they are happy when the time comes even if they decided that they want to be with the same sex i will be happy either way

Answer 7

No, she should not. She would be passing up the love of her life, and she would regret it forever. It is unfair for her parents to expect her to marry someone based on their religion. It shows nothing of the person they are inside, and how this person will treat their daughter throughout her life.
She needs to sit and decide whether this man is worth the strong possibility of losing her family though. I dont think they will come around.. not any time soon anyways. Since apparently their beliefs are so strong.
Bottom line, she cant "marry" her religion, and it seems she's in love with this guy... she should go for it, but be honest with those around her. If he truley means that much to her, she'll be fine with this desicion, and her husband will support her emotionally thru the hard times that this will bring.

Answer 8

I dont know if i would get involved here. You cousin obviously doesnt care about her religion at all and put another person before her catholic faith. As a catholic i would never marry outside my religion because i love my faith and i believe in it 100% because i have studied it for many years.

Your cousin obviously also doesnt care about the sacrament of marriage, as she would become any religion for the man she loves. I dont mean to be uncaring or heartless because i also have fallen in love with women outside my religion but could never pursue it or them and i have told this to their face.

I have friends from every race and religion but marriage and family are very serious for me and i cant picture my kids ever not being catholic. Heck im staying a virgin till marriage because of my catholic faith. You cousin cant be forced to have faith , this is something she will see later when her kids decide theyw ill never step foot into a church and she can never make them because her faith wavered in the wind when it counted most.
I just hope she and her fiance find some peace in all of this and some happiness.

Answer 9

No you shouldn't tell them but your cousin should. She should stand up for her man and show the family that she loves him. They are being pathetic and should all grow up. Tell her to live pack her bags and move in with him. Why is marrying a Catholic going to be any different than marrying a Jewish bloke... you must be American, religion seems to be such a big thing over there.

Answer 10

Tough luck! You should have thought of it earlier.... & kept the hint present instead of saying I dumped him. Its true that they would be very upset. But it might be a big deal as her parents are the one who are conservative. Ok... my bad...
I can see that both ur parents & her parents are higly conservative.... as u wrote: "as long as I marry a Catholic in the end."
But it still gives a hint that ur parents might accept u marrying other religion believers if they were thoughtful. B/c if u date a guy & u r in love.. I think ur parents would be willing to accept it. If u r not sure.. confirm it with them.
But for ur cousin... SOL! Have nothing to say.. but its ur judgement call based on ur values... there are different types of values.. moral & human.. not all moral values are human u should understand that. So tell her to think.


Ah! Most of the answers given before me are modern point of view.. saying, " I will do this, parents should follow my lead." Only a few mentioned of two sided understanding & thats how it is supposed to be.... thats my opinion.