my husband had an affair on his 1st wife(not with me)and left her.this was over 6 yrs ago and i had nothing to do with their divorce but she is so bitter/jealous towords me its making my life hell.the main problem is they have a child together and she can't stand me being around thier son.how long does it take for the exwife to "move on" ?will this get better in time?when she finds a bf?
2007-02-03 04:11:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
find her a guy and get her laid and then she'll be fine for a few weeks.
2007-02-03 04:14:41 · answer #1 · answered by NONAME 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I see more new wives getting on here and posting about the ex wife. To me that sends up a red flag at times..
I have 2 exhusbands, and I have never been jealous of there wives, ever. I actually like them, the only problem is, they THINK that the ex is supposed to be jealous, because some are, so they treat me like I am..when I am not. My husbands wife, is jealous of me, so jealous she wouldnt let him have a relationship with his daughter. He has even told me this, and others. Its truly sad. So I think it kinda works both ways. But In my case, Im not jealous of all, nothing to be jealous of. I have a wonderful man, we have a wonderful marriage.
If your husband cheated on his first wife, do you think its possible he could cheat on you? Sometimes once they cheat they always cheat.
I doubt its you really that she is jealous of, Im sure she is just still hurt that her ex cheated on her...thats a hard thing for anyone to go through. Have you ever been cheated on? Im sure you just feel like its you, but its not. Im sure she thought she had a good marriage with him, and he cheated and she was totally devestated. Im sure she still may love him, if she isnt the one that cheated.
Give her some time..6 yrs, hell it takes a long time for people to get over affairs.
If they have a child together, You just be the best stepmom you can be, and please dont stand in the way, and try to take over, you will only hurt the child...
Just let the parents be parents...and you play your stepmom role, when needed.
Im sure the ex will be alright in time...she may need some counseling, YOU will never know the love they shared, YOU wernt there...and I dont mean this bad either...Its just the new wife thinks they KNOW it all about the past relationship, and they do or did not, know a thing.
He hurt her...He cheated...for heavens sake, give her some time..well yes, its been yrs..but betrayel from someone you love, takes yrs to get over.
Just try to be a friend...and stop thinking she is jealous of you, Im sure it has nothing to do with you...
This is giving yourself to much credit.
2007-02-03 04:28:32 · answer #2 · answered by ~Annette~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it relatively is not you she hates it relatively is him! If he had married somebody else she'd hate her too. So now you be attentive to it relatively is not very own. she would be able to't stand that he have been given over her and moved on. it would desire to ease up in time, yet, i've got extensive-unfold women persons that haved carried this on for over 2 many years.the only ingredient you're able to do to ease it up is to be well mannered. She'll be on your life for an particularly long term. do no longer hunch to her point of habit. quicker or later she'll comprehend she's being a jerk if she keeps being unfavourable on your civility. Take the severe highway sweetie, which will frost her cookies extra suitable than open conflict!
2016-10-01 09:00:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not you she hates it's him! If he had married someone else she'd hate her too. So now you know it's not personal. She can't stand that he got over her and moved on. It might ease up in time, but, I've known women that haved carried this on for over 20 years.The only thing you can do to ease it up is to be polite. She'll be in your life for a very long time. Don't stoop to her level of behavior. Sooner or later she'll realize she's being a jerk if she keeps being hostile to your civility. Take the high road sweetie, that will frost her cookies more than open warfare!
2007-02-03 04:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by mjm52 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know. My husband's ex is still bitter 9 years later (they have a child together also, so we see each other a lot) , and she's married with another kid. I think it stems from him leaving her (in our case anyway), so she wants him to be miserable because she wants him to regret his decision and he doesn't. unfortunately, whoever he ends up with has to suffer along with him.
Personally, I ignore her. I figure the happier I am the more miserable that will make her, so it's a win/win for me.
-also, my husband didn't have an affair, he was tired of being treated like crap-
2007-02-03 04:16:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I've never been divorced so I can only speculate, but trying to put myself in their shoes I would have to say that perhaps she feels like you are succeeding where she failed. Perhaps she's putting the sins of his past on to you (doesn't *have* to be logical remember), if he is the one that left the first time...maybe she's still in love with him. Or most likely she's afraid of her son becoming attached to you and loving you more than her.
I have two kids and they are older now, but I can how that could easily happen if they were younger. New marriages involving ex-wives and children are always hard. My step-mother once told me that being a step-mother was the hardest thing she had ever done. All you can do is hang in there, don't lower yourself to her level, do the best you can and hope that she will mellow over time.
Good luck!
2007-02-03 04:18:52 · answer #6 · answered by red_writer2007 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's the whole problem. Your husband had an affair and she's forced to deal with him. I'm sure if they didn't procreate, they wouldn't be talking today. I'm sure she does not like him either, but for the sake of the kid(s), she has to deal with him.
FYI
Not all marriages end the same. There are some ex-wives that like current wives. It's a matter of mutual respect and ending it correctly.
2007-02-03 04:17:58 · answer #7 · answered by s_p_u_d_n_i_k 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You married a cheat with a bad history with his ex and a kid that will link him together for life and you wonder why there is baggage. The problem is not the child. Will it get better? NO, never. Your husband turned her life into hell, now you are living in the heat of those flames.
2007-02-03 04:18:53 · answer #8 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two words, Competition and Jealousy. Yes a boyfriend would calm her down. Then she might be more willing for the father to take him on weekends once in a while. Only then will she understand. Maybe she still has a thing for him. Time will tell, cause she will have to move on, or stay stuck in the past.
2007-02-03 04:18:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If a wife is cheated on,That is the worst betrayal,It can make some women very bitter..She really needs to move on,It,s not you that she has the problem with it is him,But unfortunately you have what she wants and that could last a lifetime..
2007-02-03 04:16:49 · answer #10 · answered by Bella 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmm.. maybe it's a little bit of jealousy. Obviously your husband wasn't happy with something about his relationship with her.. and that's why he, "stepped out", .. and that's got to hurt her feelings.. even now. To see that he's happy with someone else now (you), she's probably bitter at the fact that you're doing something for him that she couldn't do. Just try and ignore her.. but keep in mind, whatever happened between him and her still hurts.
2007-02-03 04:25:31 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋