what shall i do?

Question

ok so ive been with my boyfriend more than 2 years now and this week i moved in with him, in a 4 bed shared house and we have separate rooms. he said before hand he wasnt sure if he was ready for that, but i had no other place to go. for ages now he's not been paying me the attention he used to and to be honest, has become lazy in bed. he never 'snogs' me anymore and has no real passion for me. he says he loves me but is always 'too tired' to snuglle on the sofa, etc. about a year ago he asked me to take away his porn videos, but when i was moving my stuff into the new place, i found 2 of them were gone. i asked him and he said he'd taken them for his friend. today i came across them in his room. im not bothered he watches it, just why couldn't he tell me and why did he lie that he gave it to his friend when i did ask him?

i need some advice... but please be friendly. im also looking for a job right now and going through so much stress, i could do without horrible comments.

Answer 1

Wow, it sounds like things are really tough right now!
It sounds to me like you need to sit down with your boy and have a chat. Have a list of things you want to say in your head, and don't go too far outside it - you don't want to be dragging out old grievances.
Maybe he's stressed out at the moment too?
Have a chat, and try to work it out - maybe you just need a little distance. You could crash at a friend's place for a couple of nights or you could just agree not to have sex for a little while, until things get sorted. Good luck!

Answer 2

i think that he could just be taking you for granted - things are comfortable and he doesn't want to push things. the lie about the porn, for example, could just be a way of avoiding an argument - he doesn't know how you'll react so he just fobbed you off.

before talking to him, i think i'd make him see the advantages of you living there - see if you can spice things up a bit but subtly (you don't want to be too in his face as he may be having a panic about commitment as you've just moved in!)... do little things
like taking him breakfast in bed (make sure you look really sexy when you deliver it but don't leap on him, just make it casual - as long as he notices you, that's what's important).

i don't mean play games with him - just try and get him to notice you again. i think that maybe talking about things could just push it at this point, he might feel crowded, you're stressed etc...

get him interested, get the passion going again, then talk about how much better things are.

hope my suggestions help a bit. good luck with it and good luck with the job hunt xxx