I was extremely angry with her at first but then I realized it was her parent's lack of discipline and coddling and self-indulgence that allowed her to do this...my question is how much of child's actions are to blamed on the parent and how much the child? Thanks!
2007-02-03 02:48:52 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
She just turned 18 and thought it would be fun to run away and disappear for two days to celebrate the last 2 days of her childhood, yet also on her runaway note enclosed details about the party she wanted to have on the day she came back. Her mom followed everything and called the school to tell them she was sick and had a huge party for her.
2007-02-03 02:50:02 · update #1
Parents are the ultimate authority, - or lack of it,- has a profound affect on children.
In this situation, - it appears that the parents are totally at fault for screwing up this child. Now that's she's 18, she totally responsible (legally and morally) for getting her life together. No matter how 'hand-capped' her parents made her.
There's a popular culture mentality that says, kids are OK, middle class and above, the kids will be OK, and discipline is just being mean, - including a 'spanking'. This is the end-result. Dysfunctional, non-productive, anti-social people.
2007-02-03 02:57:33 · answer #1 · answered by MK6 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The child's degree of accountability increases with age. Very young children know only what they're taught at home. However, as a child grows and matures, they have other influences in their lives, other examples set in front of them, etc. As they continue to mature, it is expected that they can discern right from wrong, acceptable behavior from what which is not, etc.
By the age of eighteen, like your niece, they're still prone to doing stupid things, even if they know it's wrong. Odds are, what they still don't have a full appreciation of is the consequences of their actions on others. It doesn't sound like your niece thought it was a big deal to pull the stunt she pulled, especially since she included in her note the fact she would be back in two days.
There's definitely shared fault here though. Your niece is old enough to know better than to do what she did. However, the idea that she would have the audacity to specify the details of the party she expected upon her return, in her runaway note no less, speaks volumes on her parents' parenting. I couldn't fathom having that kind of nerve. I understood immediately why she did it though - because her mother threw the party just as she asked.
It's a shame too, because no one in the real world is going to tolerate such antics. Her parents aren't doing her any favors by indulging her like that. Is she going to run away for two days and leave her college professors a note specifying which questions to put on her final exams before she graduates?
PS - Remember Jennifer Wilbanks, the "runaway bride"? She pulled that stunt as an adult. There was no public sympathy for her, and no blame (that I recall) placed on her parents.
2007-02-03 11:08:44 · answer #2 · answered by nyboxers73 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
LOL She sounds like a cool outgoing kid being that she left a note saying what she was doing .Not many kids leave a note saying I'm running away when I get back in two days I wont a party. Sounds like she will go far in life .Besides she,s 18 now what you going to do she has her own personality you cant expect her to be like you.
Tell you the truth if her mom went along with it then I believe she has a great mom the kid is still in school at 18 she must be doing something rite. You just being her aunt need to take a chill pill
2007-02-06 23:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children are a reflection of their parents. Her parents obviously let her do as she pleases with no consequences for her actions. I would say they are to blame. Now that she is 18 what can the parents do? However, if my daughter disappeared for 2 days then came back expecting me to call her school and to throw her a party she would be disappointed because it wouldn't happen. If she got mad, I would show her the front door. Since she thinks she is an adult, treat her like one.
2007-02-03 10:57:18 · answer #4 · answered by Tracie 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You're right it isbad parenting....however being 18 she has a brain too and perhaps she should have used it!
I would have packed her bags and kept them ready for her 'leaving party' (i wouldnt really have thrown my own daughter out) i would have made her realise infront of everyone how irresponsible and silly her behaviour was and truly made her sorry before allowing her to stay. It would have helped to have a good cop and bad cop scenario in case she (being the spoilt girl she is )decided to leave....then good cop would take her home for a few days and knock some sweet sense into her (at least she would have somewhere safe to go and think for a few days)
The point im trying to make is....if she can do something silly and spoilt like this how will she manage her own life when she leaves home to fend for herself? do you think her future partner would tolerate that kind of behaviour?...and trust me it cud get alot worse if she isnt disciplined asap.
2007-02-03 11:04:10 · answer #5 · answered by Jia K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
irresponsible parenting, plus a spoiled child. BUT, your niece is old enough to know better, but the parents shouldn't have let her get away with it. it makes for a very rough adulthood.
i see it this way...adults are responsible for raising that child for 18 years. if they don't do it with discipline and restrictions, then that child will be spoiled. those parents aren't setting the child up for a responsible adult life.
BUT, since it's not your child, you can't do much about it. she will land on her a** many times, and will hopefully learn from her mistakes. just be her aunt.
2007-02-03 11:03:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This obviously is the parents trying to be her friend then parents. They obviously spoil her and let her get away with way to much. But I would just stay out of it, they will regret spoiling her in the long run. A friend of mine was like that, treated her kids like their friend. When something serious happened, it backfired on her cause her kids didn't know who to talk to cause she was never a mom figure to them, now they moved away from her and don't speak to her very much, they wanted a mother not a friend.
2007-02-03 11:28:57 · answer #7 · answered by Proud Mother 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
who hasnt done incredibly immature and reckless things at an age when they ARE immature????yet,most of us manage to grow up just fine eventually.running away for 2 days to celebrate last 2 days of childhood?silly,but understandable,in a way.parents lying to the school,not punishing the girls behaviour and even rewarding her with a party when she returned?incredible dereliction of duty on their part! unimagineable! all kids "push the envelope",its to be expected.the difference is,this kid gets away with it,because her parents dont punish her for stupid behaviour,they actually reward it !!!! most kids stay out late or even run away,at least once,testing their parents boundaries.most kids are punished for it and dont do it again.these parents threw her the party she demanded! i blame the parents.part of growing up is to test rules,and see what u can get away with.her parents set no rules or boundaries and let HER rule the house1some parents today are more concerned with being liked,being their kids best buddies,than with actually parenting.thats a shame.my motto is:"u dont have to like me.u have to LISTEN to me!"the girl needs guidance.ps-i didnt answer this question twice,that other avatar just looks like me!!!!!!
2007-02-03 10:59:40 · answer #8 · answered by kyra k 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well its not really a lack of parenting. And running away? are you sure she ran away, she could have just wanted to get away for a while. My mother did a great job with me my sister and brother. when i turned 18 i went out on my own but always told my mother where i was and always answered her calls. Its a trust issue, between daughter and mother. you really have nothing to do with it.
2007-02-03 11:17:09 · answer #9 · answered by Tasha 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
look shes 18 Are trying to suggest that you never once did something stupid as a child She is now an adult like it or not. so she had a party when she got home I went to senior skip day and I even told my mom she was ok with it and I just missed the review to our reading exam but I still passed with an "A" and graduated "Magna Cumm Laude"
2007-02-03 11:06:00 · answer #10 · answered by kim stiens 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋