i tend to take ppls probs onboard and get upset at their troubles how can i detach myself and not get so upset i dont seem to be able to be strong i tend to pity them instead of help them
2007-02-03 02:16:29 · 17 answers · asked by wee B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You're not helping them by pitying them.
Build their confidence - and you'll also end up building your own.
2007-02-03 02:19:58 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a really caring person, I can tell. But you CAN be a caring person and help peopl with THEIR problems, instead of making their problems YOUR own. Turn your pity for them, into motivation. Dont be sad for them, how is that helping their situation? They are already sad, and they come to you for help and advice, not for another pity partner. also, if you find this to be too difficult to do, then i suggest hanging out with more positive people, or atleast until you can build up your strength a bit more.
there are sooo many good and bad things that happen in life, and one of these days your going to have to need someone else's help and advice... give the positive advice YOU would want to recieve one day. it is the only way to truly help you both.
2007-02-03 10:21:59 · answer #2 · answered by SassyGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've just got a big ole kind heart and nothing wrong with that. However, you've identified that simply taking on problems and fretting doesn't help anybody and nobody wants pity. Perhaps you can sincerely offer, "How can I help?" The answer may be that you can do nothing but simply listen then again, you may be able to properly help with something that's in you realm of capabilities--from experienced advice to actually helping the person with thoughts and actions. So basically, you know just fretting is no help, offer to help and if accepted, do what you can.
2007-02-03 10:23:40 · answer #3 · answered by Yogi Bruce 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing really wrong with you what it is is you are one of lives victims much like the people who come to you with there problems you need to look at your life and see how you can improve or change on that and get positive then you will be able to listen help and leave it at the door, your using their negativity to fuel your own
2007-02-07 08:28:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its just the person you are! Im pretty much the same, i listen to my friends problems and troubles... and try to offer support and advice. just except this is who you are!
If you dont want to help them, tell them that you have your own troubles and you can help them emotionally.
This isnt a bad thing, maybe you should try selective hearing!
ave a good weekend
2007-02-03 10:22:03 · answer #5 · answered by geminially 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the same way, it is a mental problem, I let others problems become my problems, and then I fret over the end of the world and other stuff I can't do anything about.
Zoloft helps.
2007-02-03 10:19:48 · answer #6 · answered by Thin Ice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is impossible to change a compassionate heart, but if you can find a way to be productive with your caring, it may hep you feel empowered rather than weak. All the best.
2007-02-03 10:21:04 · answer #7 · answered by crct2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to take a step back and be impartial. I think you need to know your own limit before you can assist other people. Learn about yourself first. Good Luck!
2007-02-03 10:19:00 · answer #8 · answered by Paul 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sympathy and empathy are good things but only in moderation. Keep in mind that most people bring problems on themselves and unless or until they change they will continue living in the same cycles.
2007-02-03 10:20:49 · answer #9 · answered by pnut 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I use to do that too. I had to first break off relationships with people who won't change behavior or circumstances. Same **** different day. You can't fix or change anyone. They have to do it for them self . Sorry , GOD BLESS
2007-02-03 10:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by TCC Revolution 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋