two questions in one......no.1 what is the avg amount of years dating before marriage..no2 ....?

Question

me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 goign on 4 years now, we live together, for 2 years now. I have always had a dream of getting married. His parents havent gotten married and have been together for almost 30 years. when the subject was brought up he said he is never getting married because he sees no point in it, says it jsut a piece of paper, however he wants kids, this is just not how i was raised or what i want....... what do i do will he come around... and how do i explain what marriage is really about

Answer 1

First of all, get clear on what marriage really is to you. His parents have been together for about 30 years. In a state that recognizes it (as California does not), that would be a marriage: common law marriage. So start with this: do you accept the legal definition of marriage created by your state?

OK, then how about the religious definition of marriage? You know, of course, that different religions have different concepts of marriage. Some few still allow polygamy; most all did in the past. Some figure it is literally for life; some allow divorce. Many consider a marriage before a judge to be as valid as before a minister; others distinguish that from marriage before a priest.

Marriage is what the two of you say it is. If you need to have that legal paper, feeling it is the best way to insure yourself against being left without recourse, then you need to make that clear to your man. If he will not commit legally, then you will have to break this up in favor of finding a man who will. But listen to his arguments and try to see his point of view, because breaking it up over this may be very foolish.

If he does not want to be married, will he discuss with you what your insurance should be against being left without you? Your fear of being stranded by his death could be covered by a good insurance policy. Your fear of his abandoning you might be covered by an irrevocable trust fund or other asset that is yours alone which will take care of you and any children you may have from him.

But it may be that he is adamant that you must just take your chances with him: love him now, as he is, and give no thought to the future. I say that is just fine if you do not have children. But children force a mother to think about the future.

Talk it over. Assume nothing, but see whether you two can agree. You do not need to be conventional, you do not need to be like anyone else, either his parents or yours. But you do need to agree, very clearly, on what you two are doing.

Answer 2

My wife has a saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. She had a friend who after 10 years finally got engaged and married. There is no true average. My wife and I dated 4 months. We've now been very happily married for over 4 years but we are an older couple. If you are young you need not rush. You have many selfish things still or perhaps he does. Too many people even in marriage say divorce is okay if things don't work out. I disagree. I wanted to marry once and I work hard to make sure that is the case. It is obvious you two have different views on marriage. If he never wants to marry and it's important to you, that is a major issue and you have to decide if you accept it or leave. Be sure you communicate. Marriage is becoming one. You share your lives, your problems your frustrations your finances and you help each other through difficult times. Me and my wife say we might lose everything but as long as I have her, I'm the richest man in the world...She is really a fantastic woman.

Answer 3

You two obviously have two very differing goals. You want marriage and he doesn't. But, you both want kids. You have to ask yourself how important is marriage to you? If you cannot live without marriage, then you need to find someone who wants to marry too. You can't force someone to marry you. If he did agree, just for you, do you think he would be happy? You can still have kids without being married. Try putting yourself in his shoes...you don't want to get married, pressured into marrying and you would not be happy in the long run. He would end up resenting you. You two need to either find some common ground or find someone who is on the same page as you.

Answer 4

If marriage is important to you, and you are already living like you are married, then explain to him you want to get married.

If not, tell him that you will have to end the relationship if it is not going anywhere.
Otherwise, live together for 5 more years like his parents and have common law marriage like they do.
Think of the tax benefits lol, jk.
If that is what you believe in , he should respect that.
After all, IT IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER - right?

Answer 5

This is an easy one. If the world gets too hot, we've proven that we can survive it because the "Cradles of Civilization" were in hot, dry areas. If the world gets cold, then we've already proven that we can withstand ice ages, and that's without any "high" technology. If the world gets overpopulated, it will, out of necessity, balance itself out. I don't think we need to worry about surviving the next 100 years. The real question is how to we keep the next 100 years from becoming the next Dark Age.

Answer 6

Stick to your principals sweetheart. You wasted 4 years with this guy already. He knows, as the old saying goes, "why buy the cow when milk is so cheap". Tell him you want to get married, and you want a father for your children, NOW or you are out of here.

Answer 7

You need to have a SERIOUS conversation.My Bf Fiance of 11 years did that to her, knowing she wanted children all along, told her he did to and just recently admited to her that he didnt want to have kids 11 years later, now shes in her thirties and starting all over again.

Answer 8

Take time out to evaluate if this guy really cares about you. He might be making excuses not to get married because he is not sure about marrying you. If he really cares about you, he would care about your feelings! You desire better!

Answer 9

You should tell him that even though marriage means nothing to him, it means something to you. Besides, if it means nothing to him but he knows that it can make you happy, why not?

Answer 10

you have been together longer than most marriages, so don't screw it up with that marriage crap. if you don't like it you can just pack up and leave. no fuss no mess.