How would you deal with the trauma of losing a loved one if the guilt of being alive haunts you persistently?

Answer 1

You don't mention if you are a religious person, so forgive me if I give you an answer that you don't believe, but I'm Christian, so this is my answer:
To deal with the trauma, spend your time finding out what happened to your loved one. Where are they?
This is what I did when i lost my fiancee who was 15 years younger than me, along with four of my friends in a car accident, one aunt and two uncles, my three ginea pigs, my dog sparkey and my fiancee's best friend to suicide. This all happened in a time period of three weeks. And, I had a ten year old daughter who loved my fiancee with her very life and breath, so she was really distressed.
My life became a mixture of confusion, tears, anger, denial, then back to confusion, and round and round I went. I needed to know why, and I needed to know what really happens when we die;
I was sickened by people saying things like "so and so was so wonderful, we will miss him terribly, but we have to accept it".
Well, in my state of mind, that wasn't nearly good enough. In fact, it p_issed me off.
So I decided to go right to the top. God, where the hell is all of the people and pets I love, and why would you put some people that good in a damn hole in the ground? What good did that possibly do? I was so crazy at the time, that I actually told God that I wanted them back. THIS INSTANT. Needless to say, that didn't happen. But something else did. I went to the Library, and no matter what book on life after death I read, I was still getting referred back to the Bible. So I went to the Bible, and that was the beginning of a 35 year study of the original manuscripts and the Bible languages, so that I could know, for sure, what God had to say on the subject.
The best thing I found out was that my loved-ones are not in some hole in the ground. That to be absent from this flesh is to be present with the Father. I found out that they are not gone, and whats more, there isn't any reason for me to feel guilt about being here still - when my loved ones feel kind of the same thing since actually I'm the one stuck still here. They are not feeling distress or unhappiness, and don't want me to, either.
I found out that God has a reason for every thing He does. Alot of people don't realize that He is a God of little things as well as big things in life. Even the smallest things are a part of His plan.
In any case, If that didn't happen to me, all that loss and pain, I would never have become the student of Gods Word that I am trying to be even to this day, 35 years later. My entire view on life changed, my perspective, my actions, everything.
I still miss my people very very much, but now I know and understand that we were there with the Father before we came here, and they simply went back.
Guilt is really damaging to a life. If you wallow around in it, you will do nothing but disappoint your loved one. Don't let that happen. Take life by the horns and show a good example to others and that will make him/her smile.
Sometimes I smell the cologne my financee used to wear, so I know he's not only alive and well, but closer than we may think.

Answer 2

1. “The inscrutable divine wisdom underlies such heart-rending occurrences. It is as if a kind gardener transfers a fresh and tender shrub from a narrow place to a vast region. This transference is not the cause of the withering, the waning or the destruction of that shrub, nay rather it makes it grow and thrive, acquire freshness and delicacy and attain verdue and fruition. This hidden secret is well-known to the gardener, while those souls who are unaware of this bounty suppose that the gardener in his anger and wrath has uprooted the shrub. But to those who are aware this concealed fact is manifest and this predestined decree considered a favor. Do not feel grieved and disconsolate therefore …”

2. "Know thou of a truth that the soul, after its separation from the body, will continue to progress until it attaineth the presence of God, in a state and condition which neither the revolution of ages and centuries, nor the changes and chances of this world, can alter. It will endure as long as the Kingdom of God, His sovereignty, His dominion and power will endure. It will manifest the signs of God and His attributes, and will reveal His loving kindness and bounty."

3. "As to the question whether the souls will recognize each other in the spiritual world: this fact is certain; for the Kingdom is the world of vision where all the concealed realities will become disclosed. How much more the well-known souls will become manifest. The mysteries of which man is heedless in this earthly world, those he will discover in the heavenly world, and there will he be informed of the secret of truth; how much more will he recognize or discover persons with whom he hath been associated. Undoubtedly, the holy souls who find a pure eye and are favored with insight will, in the kingdom of lights, be acquainted with all mysteries, and will seek the bounty of witnessing the reality of every great soul. Even they will manifestly behold the Beauty of God in that world."

4. "... a love that one may have entertained for any one will not be forgotten in the world of the Kingdom. Likewise, thou wilt not forget (there) the life that thou hast had in the material world."

Answer 3

Acknowledge first of all that the person is gone and no amount of self-blame would bring them back. I'm sure if the person was still alive he/she wouldn't want you to be the way you are.

As easy I make it sound, dealing with the trauma will be no easy task. However, do persist in doing so. With clarity you will see, thereafter. All the best.

Answer 4

At least 50% of all adults and children are exposed to a psychologically traumatic event... and as many as 67% of trauma survivors experience lasting psychosocial impairment, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); panic, phobic, or generalized anxiety disorders; depression; or substance abuse.

TALK. You deserve to express yourself at this difficult time, even though others may discourage or even reprimand you for having a strong emotional reaction. Talk about your loved one to others or to God (and encourage them to do so, too). If they are uncomfortable, gently let them know that part of your healing process is getting it off your chest.
WRITE. Start or continue writing in a journal or diary. You may want to compose a letter to the deceased person to describe how you feel and ‘say’ things you never got to say. Some questions to write about: how would you spend the rest of your life if you only had a short time to live? Would you say or do things differently? Be as honest as possible about how you feel.
CREATE. You may want to create a special collage or other artistically-inspired memento about your loved one, like a scrapbook. For those who are beginner artists, you can use memorabilia items or something symbolic like seashells. In the process, your thoughts and feelings may become clearer as you provide a creative outlet for expression. This exercise also may bring up other feelings that you need to face.
REMEMBER . Let this be an opportunity to reflect on the good times. Looking back, what do you appreciate about the contributions of your loved one? What are the moments together that you cherish the most? Do things to honor and remember your loved one: if they loved flowers, plant a garden in their honor or help others plant gardens; support the causes and organizations that were important to your loved one

Answer 5

The great ocean of material nature is tossing us with the waves of time, and the so-called living conditions are something like foaming bubbles, which appear before us as bodily self, wife, children, society, countrymen, etc. Due to a lack of knowledge of the self, we become victimized by the force of ignorance and thus spoil the valuable energy of human life in a vain search after permanent living conditions, which are impossible in this material world.
Our friends, relatives and so-called wives and children are not only fallible, but also bewildered by the outward glamor of material existence. As such, they cannot save us. Neither we can save them. Death is waiting for everyone in different moments according to our destiny, there is no reason to feel guilty about it wile we staying alive, our turn will come.
You better begin prepare yourself for that moment.

Answer 6

I honestly have never been in that situation. But, I can certainly see how it would be difficult to forgive oneself for "being alive" They have a name for this, it's called "survivor guilt" and I can only imagine how deeply painful it must be. The wisest course of action is to seek counsel from a doctor or clergy as soon as possible. Talking about it is essential. Pray, if you are spiritual and keep that loved one's memory alive. Once you forgive yourself, things can move on.

Answer 7

You wil get countless biased solutions. As mine will be. i'm a scientologist and that i do no longer trust that god exists the way christians and others do. i trust that love is a few thing organic, that is interior the body continually, one that is created through peace on the triangles. equivalent stability = love

Answer 8

Sometimes bad things happen. It is important to realize that your loved one would want you to live a good & happy life . They would not want you to feel guilty. Go have a wonderful life and live it twice as good for the person you lost. I am sure that they would appreciate you doing it for them!

Answer 9

If they were saved I'd be praising God for taking him/her home.

Jesus turns our mourning into dancing, and our sadness into joy