I can't think of anything. Will you please help me?

Question

I've started helping my mom's long time friend who can't get around very well. She has A LOT of money and buys things constantly over the internet and HSN. I've spent over 100 hours at her home so far and her home is still not even close to being "clean". The problem is that she has boxed herself in and although she has been agreeing to let go of some of the items she possesses it isn't enough! She has a bedroom full of unopened boxes. She said she can't even remember what she's bought anymore. She weighs over 400 lbs. She has major back trouble even when she was thin. (Has had several surgeries and is most likely a big factor in why she is overweight). She has pins in her hips also. She's a warm, loving person. She's giving many of her items to local charities but still continues to buy. She doesn't watch much tv. She is bored and so she buys, buys, BUYS! And she has closed herself in. What type of hobbie can I get her involved in so she will stop buying? It's urgent.

To: Stop the propaganda... She's not happy. That's why she's asked me to help her. She admits she has a problem (on her own) and has asked for my help. Also... when you have cob web and dust bunnies surrounding all of these boxes and "things" she has... that means it's dirty. Have a pleasant day. Sounds like you're not off to a good start.

Stop the propaganda: You still don't get it.

Answer 1

you are really a special person for trying to help your moms friend out. its quite a task.
of course you understand that she has some mental illness going on.and to help someone realise that her thinking is not healthy is not an easy task. i applaud you for making the effort.

my grandma's best friend died a few years back, and i was the one who dealt with elaine's "estate". she had no family, and no will. she died in her apartment and was found days later ( another tenant noticed a "smell") :(
my grandma was her best friend and they talked on the phone every day and my uncle would pick her up every sunday and take her to grandmas for the day. no one was invited into to her apartment (ever). she would spend all the holidays with our family, and i grew up thinking she was like another grandma to me. i asked time and time again if i could visit her, set up a christmas tree, etc, but the answer was always no for one reason or another.
anyway,to make a long story short, i became executer of her estate.so......into her apartment i go. O.........M.............G!!!!!!!!!!!
its hard for me even to think about what it was like. lets just say that she was a hoarder, and we filled a dumpster, and made LOTS of runs to goodwill and other donations places. the worst thing was that.....she had no hot water at all in the bathroom( the faucet was siezed up).and the bathub was clogged and unusable. she apparently didnt feel worthy of inconveniencing her landlord. by the way, he was there with me on that first day and was in tears. he had no idea either of how she was living.

well...enough of my story. i just want to thank you on her behalf for caring enough to step in. hopefully things will improve for her and she will begin to feel the light of hope very soon.
god bless.

Answer 2

If it's not painful for her to move her arms, I'd encourage her to start exercising by lifting hand weights; I think they're available even in the one-pound size.

Since she weighs as much as she does, it could be that her body thinks she's in hibernation mode, so she may not have much energy because her body is trying to use very little. If she began losing weight through exercise, though, she may have more energy and be in better spirits. If she could exercise to something like an exercise video, she probably wouldn't be watching HSN at the same time.

Also, if she could become interested in listening to free audiobooks, she may devote less attention to HSN and Internet retailers. Sites like

http://www.audiobooks.org/

and

http://www.audiobooksforfree.com/screen_main.asp

come up when one does a search on "free audiobooks" and there are very likely many other such sites.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

Well first thing comes to mind is getting her out of the house away from the TV. Start out lightly by going for a walk, or drive, even just going to the yard, maby working with flowers outside. Her interest needs to be pulled out of the house, maby there is a church nearby that she could meet people and start developing some outside interest.Start little at first, but the more you get her away from that TV the better.

Answer 4

I think your friend is clinically depressed and thinks that each new item will be the thing that makes her happy. Her mental and physical issues are too much for you to handle on your own. She needs the help of mental health professionals along with your help and support. Be honest with her and offer to make an appointment and take her there. It sounds as though she trusts you enough to get rid of some stuff. She'll respect your advice and appreciate your help.

Answer 5

If she is stuck at home, is there any way she can find a job buying and selling for companies over the internet??? That way she can work, get paid, and end up with no packages coming to her home! And it would keep her busy! I can't think of anything else...good luck!

Answer 6

she wud b goin out 4 at least som timeso try & take her 2 a placewhere there r people in need & make her realise that she can spend her time & money on them rather on things she doesn't even use.Spend more time with her ask ur friends 2 come 2 her place with u & talk 2 her this will help her change slowly

Answer 7

It sounds like she has a bit of OCD going...can she get out? Can you guys start going for walks in the evening.?..it sounds like housework bores her to death...and she is very unhappy...and is afraid to go out and walk...so can she go in a wheelchair?..just needs to get out of her prison, and the things she buys, is making her happy, kinda like online gambling can do..for those who can't get out...Maybe you and her can go through the stuff and tell her you guys have a yard sale, or sale on ebay...it might be fun, and make her some money also..Good luck the poor dear,..I feel for her, really.

Answer 8

You are judging your mom's friends choices as if they were your own! They are not your own if you don't like her don't go there.

It is her money to spend and do with what she pleases to do just as anyone else might. Boxes of things don't nescessarily mean her house isn't "clean". Would you also say this about a manufacturing warehouse?

Dirt and trash (hence dustballs and spiderwebs all over) and dishes that had been ate in and never washed would be unsanitary.

One day her children if she has any or you or your mom or her other friends might find some treasure she has left behind and it might be worth a million dollars as a collectible or at least it would have some saleable or useable value to share and divide? Or maybe she might have it auctioned and give the proceeds to charity?

Why don't you try to talk to her about poor people and how she might be able to help them in different ways with some of that money instead?

Her buying is not hurting you and it is her choice and her right to do so and to give it to anyone that she wants to what is wrong with that.

I think as long as she is happy (and one can be happy and bored at the same time believe it or not) that is all that matters, if you are not happy with what she is doing or how she is doing it then you need to find someone else that you can hang around that you are happier being around yourself, this seems like it is your problem more then hers.

Post edit: You didn't tell us that little bit of information to begin with about her not being happy, it was added after I already gave an answer. If that is the case that she has cobwebs and dust bunnys then it is not healthy it might not destroy her though. Lots of people that you would not even suspect do this.

Take a day and sit down with her and go through the boxes. You do not say what kind of stuff she buys, or what she is actually like what kinds of things "she" likes. So it gives no clue as to what kind of a hobby that you might want to get her into.

I think that the one answer that says to get her to buy stuff and resell it might be a good answer. If you can teach her how to do that or she is interested in learning it.

You didn't say if she would let you move the stuff or open it to see what it is either. If she would let you move the stuff you could move it, go through it to see what she might want to do with it, clean it up, and then cover some of it over with some thing.

Different people can have different impacts on people depending on their style of handling things and how emotionally attached they are to them. What I might not be able to get you to see or do another might be able to at the drop of a hat.

I still think it is perception of what she wants and what you want for her. I know people that have so called "normal" lives and do the same thing. I do not do this, but I do not have any right to control anyone that does either.

I know some who do this and it seems like it does get overwhelming to them at times as well and that is often more so when I am judging them for it like you are doing here, when you ask them to get rid of it that is like pulling their teeth.

So I still think it is more of your problem, if you are not happy you need to find some way for you to be happy and let her be. Then she will figure it out for herself.

After all she is not the one on here complaining about this, that is you, so this is now your problem because you have taken it on. Let go of it, so that you can be happy and perhaps when you stop judging her she will be happier.

No one has to be anyone else executer in life, you can always opt out, although I can see how knowing that woman died in there and perhaps even that smell might make a person kind of queasy.

My mom left some things when she passed away and they were kept in boxes and I am so glad that I have them now. They were a part of my mom and dad. Also a couple of large ceramic clowns my "one and only" deceased brother made, my sisters wanted to throw away as useless, I have now and they look lovely in the place I have them at. Some of the stuff we donated and sold and people were glad to get it.

One of my relatives did a bunch of geneology work and when she passed away it was given to another family member probably an "in law" that threw it away and I would have loved to had that information which is gone now. So it is also in what she considers as important and not just you. This is your problem, but it really doesn't have to be, you can make the choice to let her be who she is.

Answer 9

Write a joint. book of life's experience. Suggested title
" Safe Internet Snares"

Answer 10

she could make occassion baskets with what she buys ex.
get well
new baby
birthdays
give to freinds or donate
maybe even sell them