Isn't it unfair?

Question

Isn't it unfair that after working so hard for the past 3 years, in school, my dad won't let me study in the UK, or even the USA? I have 11 IGCSE’s all at A or A*, three subjects (two of which I got A*) of these I studies alone (not offered at school) from scratch! I also studied 2 AS and one A level subjects alone and got A's. I also got another 3 AS subjects at grade A. Isn't it unfair? I have over 600 hours of community service alone, not including all my other extra curriculars. I’ve been invited for two interviews for medicine A100 and am expecting the other two universities to send invitations too. I've been offered a place at university of Edinburgh and Leeds for biology, and English and Theology. It just sucks. I could get a full scholarship to a USA university, but he won't even let me apply. In the end I'm going to have to study here (Jordan). I just hate my dad. It's all cause he's too cheep, and doesn’t want to spend money on anyone other than himself. Isn’t this unfair!

I have talked, and talked and talked to him. But he just gets me so angry my only impulse is to smash his head with the nearest solid surface. The prob is, he studied abroad, and yet it lying to himself and me. He tries to convince me that studying abroad is wrongs, it has no advantages, that its for dumb people who can't get into university here in Jordan, and that he tried it and it ruined his life! What a load of crap. Had he not studied abroad, he would not be where he is today and everyone knows that. Also, for those how say get a job, it doesn’t work that way here in Jordan. Even if I did get a job (which I can't until I'm 18) it wouldn't make any difference towards my tuition fees. The other problem is that my whole family (extended) is against me! I'm like the black sheep or the heretic or the traitor for having this idea of studying abroad. I can't help it. I've never really fitted here.

To me Jordan was always a transition period, between returning from Glasgow and going back. I never dreamed of staying here. I always knew that I would return to what is my true home Glasgow, to Scotland! But it turn out I knew wrong. It’s just unfair.

Even if I worked in Jordan for 20 years I couldn't save up enough money to study abroad. And taking a gap year is simple unheard off hear. They’d burn me alive I swear! And it's not like I wouldn't work while abroad. I would work and help pay for my living cost! I just can't study medicine and work full time at the same time.

Yeah sorry for the spelling mistake. I'm just more concerned with transforming my anger to words than worrying over spelling.

You just don't get it people. It's not about being independent! It's not like that in Jordan. And it's not taking handouts. It’s ONLY normal for your parents to pay your tuition in college, even for postgraduate degrees. It’s the norm here.

O.K I was hesitant to say this, but he's an M.P for the love of God. He has the money, and even if he wasn't in such a postion he has enough lands to stack up 50 Dinar bills from here to God knows where!

Answer 1

No, this absolutely isn't fair. He should be ecstatic at your achievements, and delighted that you want to pursue such a high-flying career.

The world isn't always fair. Accepting that might actually help you a little here.

You don't say whether your dad has a lot of money. If sending you to university would see him on the breadline, it's perhaps more understandable that he's reluctant. You could, of course, look for a scholarship. Most universities have funds of some sort for bright students who couldn't undertake a course without financial help. I know that Warwick University in the UK does (I'm an ex-grad).

If he has the money, then there's another issue. It could be that he's jealous of you, even though he probably is also proud. If he didn't have the opportunity to do what he wanted in life, it might be hard for him to give that opportunity to you.

Perhaps a more likely issue is that he feels as though he'd lose you to another country. He might think that your own country and culture would lose its place in your life if you went away. You might become too westernised. You might not be there to help him when he's old. He might end up alone, and all that he's believed in and lived for could fall apart.

Parents 'shouldn't' be selfish, but that doesn't mean they don't want things for themselves. It's human nature.

Maybe you'd get somewhere if you reassure him over some things. Maybe you wouldn't. The question to ask yourself in that case is, 'how can you be happiest whilst studying in Jordan?'. If you work hard and eventually start publishing papers, by then you'll be an independent adult, and in a position to decide for yourself whether to move abroad.

Other thoughts... is there a course in Jordan that offers an Erasmus scheme, so that study abroad is a part of the course (and your dad couldn't argue about it so much)?

Good luck with it.

P.S.. Just read your additional notes.
One thought - if your dad studied abroad and it 'ruined his life', how would he feel if you enjoyed/made a success of it?

Your other option is, of course, to pack your bags and get out of there. That could mean giving up your family, and you'd have to either have a scholarship in place, or some sort of work visa that would allow you to get a job and start saving.

You say that being 'independent' isn't the issue because of how things work in Jordan, but really, it IS the issue; what you're saying is that you're not free to act independently of your family. You could be 5, 18 or 77, but if you're tied to certain commitments, you can't act independently. That's not always a bad thing - like with everything, there are pros and cons to most situations.


Oh, and... now that you've said he's an MP, the obvious interpretation of his reluctance to send you abroad to study is this: that the message it'll send to the political community is that he doesn't think Jordan's universities are up to it. That could be damaging to him. Most politicians, however, manage to find some kind of spin on this sort of thing, so that if and when it comes out, it doesn't sound quite so bad. He could even use it as a way of empathising with other parents who's kids are disenchanted with the country: he understands them... his kid ran off to study in another country against his wishes. If family values are important to him politically, too, he should also be willing to stand by you.

Answer 2

I don't know the laws in Jordan but in the US when you are 18 you are an adult. If you could get a full scholarship your school would be free. You would have to get a job to pay for your other things you would need but lots of people do that. I don't know how much it will cost you to get here but if you could get a job and save your money you could buy a ticket or ask all your friends to help you some. I know you are suppose to honor family in Jordon so you maybe giving up your family if you would do this so you will have to decide what is the most important to you.

Answer 3

Life's not fair! .... keep reading

I am sorry to say but it is true. A lot of things are "ONLY normal" as you say but that doesn't mean that it is going to happen for you. Do you know how expensive it is here in America? Most everything bought here is made in China or Jordan because it is too expensive to make it here. Here it is not normal to get things like college (especially post college) from your daddy. I am sorry to tell you but when we turn 18 we are on our own. Family is not as important here as it should be. I know that everyone talks about how great America is... and don't get me wrong it is great... but if you think it is normal for your parents to buy you everything, you wouldn't make it here long anyway.... KEEP READING

Maybe your dad had a horrible experience when he traveled abroad and does not want it to happen to you. Here it is only normal that your dad tries to get you to not make the same mistakes as he did. If your dad makes so much money, it is not fair that you come here and get a full ride scholarship when there are less fortunate people here that are WORKING just as hard at school... and have a full time job... just one more paragraph, keep reading.

In conclusion, I think that you need to stay where you are and be glad that you have a dad that loves you so much. I know it is not the answer you wanted but hopefully it has made you think.

Answer 4

Aww. Sorry to hear that. But you're like a grown person already. What difference does it make that your dad doesn't want you to go? Starting at high school, things are supposed to be more of your choice than your parents. You could try to make the money yourself... and if you get a full scholarship you're not really spending too much money on schoolwork. Most of the money you need is for like personal stuff so i don't see why your dad is so against it all. Don't hate him though. He could "ruin" your life by not letting you enroll but thats only cause you let him not let you.

Answer 5

I suppose it does seem unfair, but I guess if you really want to study overseas that badly, then maybe you could get a job for a year or two and start saving. Maybe then if he sees how much you want to do it and how hard you are working at it, then he might change his mind. I have to be honest, I don't know that many people whos parents would or could shell out that much money on their child's education. You may have to do it on your own too.

Oh, and congratulations on doing so well in your education so far. I wish you luck.

Answer 6

Grrr.. I have gotten like 3 or 4 violations because the trolls don't like my honest responses to their idiotic questions. Oh and my question got deleted. I asked If we all jumped up at the same time, would it make a fat kid in China fall down? And some girl was like you have a complex and are insecure blah blah blah and then Y!A deleted my question because it was inappropriate. I was just curious!!!

Answer 7

he might just be afraid if you leave you will never go back

talk to me - tell him why you want to study abroad and ask why he prefers you not to

one suggestion though - dont say it is unfair or that he is cheap or only wants to spend money on himself - all that will achieve is to make him mad - show him you are mature enough to study abroad in your attitude

good luck

Answer 8

No, it is not unfair. You can't rely on your parents for handouts- you must make your own way in the world. Prehaps, he is testing your problem solving skills. If you are so bright(lots of great exam results) you will rise to his challenge.

Answer 9

That is unfair. All you are talking are low class Uni. I am applying the Cambridge University. Where is Leeds, edingburgh?

Answer 10

Is it HIS money or yours?

Think of all he has already done for you and this is how you repay his generosity?

Maybe you should be a little more thankful and respectful to him. After you become an adult and get out on your own, you can do whatever you want and can affoard yourself.