StayAtHomeMom: Back to work for a year, want to go back home!!?

Question

A teacher by trade, I enjoy my career. It's family friendly, has great benefits and is a good income. And I love my class and school (a K-6 with three mixed-grade rooms).

My son (1st) is in the room below mine and *loves* the fact that I'm in his school every day, all day. He can't wait til 2nd when he gets to be in my room through 4th grade.
My daughter starts K next year and will be in 2nd when my son is in 4th (not really something I'm looking forward to)

I taught full time for 2 yrs, moved with my husband's job, and subbed for 2 yrs before my babies were born. Then I was home for 6. This year is my first one back and I've had such a hard time deciding what I think of it.

I love my job and I don't want to be unprofessional and quit after only a year in a new school, but I feel like I'm losing these years with my kids. I'm always so rushed in the evenings/weekends catching up on stuff I can't do during the day. And I don't know that I want to live for the summers.

Thanks for all the replies so far. :)

I've considered the subbing route. I mean I can't just quit teaching entirely! I did that for a couple of years before kids and enjoyed it. All the fun, none of the bureaucracy. :P
But those of you in the profession know the schedule isn't quite as "easy" as it looks from the outside... I average a 50 hour week and am drowning in paperwork.

I wish it were as easy as just letting housework slide. (Which was the first to go, btw. lol) I do not have a job that has flexible hours. Kids are in school from 8:30 to 3:30 every weekday and that's as flexible as it gets. Summers are great! But like I said, I'm not sure I want to spend the next ten years living for the summer...

Answer 1

It's hard balancing work and children.

I sub in a city school system and I love it because I can pick the days I work and not, and I don't have to do lesson plans, or grade papers so I enjoy it a lot.

Answer 2

I am able to be a stay at home mom. Although, I am finishing a degree. It's so hard for me to imagine working right now. I have an 11 month old son and am 18 weeks pregnant. But, I need to do an internship in order to complete the degree. I hate the potential of leaving him with someone else!

I've really put my heart and soul in him. I've been teaching him this whole time and know in daycare he'll loose the ability to listen to me when I say "no". I've seen it happen to my girlfirends when they go back to work. However, my mom has agreed to watch him for free while I complete it. It's a blessing because I won't get paid for it.

I don't think it's unprofessional to quit after a year. You just have to make sure that is what you really want. Your first grader will be in school all day and if your school has kindergarten full time so will your daughter in a year. So, you have to think that next year you'll be home without the kids in the mornings. A blessing and a curse I've been told.

In the end you have to do what is best for you and your family. Just make sure there are no regrets if you decide to leave your job. Every woman and every family is different :)))


Good luck - I hope you find what's best for you and your family!

Answer 3

I'm sorry. Its so hard. I work full time and have a 20mo old, and I just hate not being around him. But, not working is not an option.

I know sometimes it seems even tougher when you have to make a decision, but it really is better that you actually have a choice. Try to focus on that. There are a lot of people that don't have options, so in addition to guilt and regret, they feel frustrated and "stuck" and even trapped. I know, at times I'm one of them.

(Trust me, I'm not trying to do a "boo-hoo my problems are worse than yours." When it comes to our kids, its never easy... for anyone.)

I've actually considered getting my teaching degree so that I would have summers and vacations off. Your question is making me re-think. I suppose there's never enough time.

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do... I don't even think you are looking for that... just an opportunity for dialogue with people who understand?? Well, here's a few ideas or things to consider. Maybe it will help get your wheels turning, although I'm sure you already know most.

These years with your kids go fast... too fast. And, you may be able to catch up on your career, but you'll never get this time back.
You love your job, and you are doing something with real meaning and substance.
Your kids are happy, like your job, get to see you during the day and obviously are well-loved.
You do have an optimal situation for people who have to work b/c you get to see your kids and you get the same holidays as they do.
If you are still not happy, discuss things with your hubby and your son. He's old enough to have an opinion. He might be excited about being in your class, but would he rather have more time with you at home?
Next year when your daughter starts K, if you quit your job, you'll be home all alone all day, but, on the other hand, you'll have lots of time to get things done so more freetime at night/on weekends.
Can you sub at this school so that you'll still have an income, but have a more flexible schedule?
Do they have any teachers asst. or reading asst. jobs open that would be part-time? Less money, but less hours and more time at home?

Try making a pro/con list. I'm not a fan of actually doing it, but in situations like these, that are SO emotionally based, sometimes you have to do something that makes you look at just the facts and logic. That way you have a logical answer to balance against your feelings. It doesn't mean that your emotional response may not be more important and take precedence, but having the facts might help.

Good luck to you and good health to your family. There are many of us out here who understand.

Answer 4

Simply stop trying to do it all. I worked outside the home (still do) during my daughter's growing up and I never missed anything other than her performance at an arts festival when she was 19 years old. I was very "smart" to grab jobs that allowed flexibilty, as well as having jobs that had onsite day care or I would choose a day care close to my work so that I could go have lunch with my daughter and participate in her day care/pre school activites. I worked flexible hours, where I would have time with my daughter and either return to work later in the day or on weekends for a few hours and she would be looked after by her father. Being military I didn't always have the luxury of another family member nearby or neighbors that often who could watch my daughter, luckily sometimes we would.
As far as housework I didn't sweat it. More important to me was the time I spent with my daughter rather than the time I spent making the home "spotless". Often I would put on music hand her a dust rag and we would "work" together as well as sing and dance to the music playing. I also had a sign just inside my front door that warned visitors that my home was usually cluttered and dusty because I felt it was more important to spend time with my child...however if they felt the place needed cleaning they were free to do so. One time my (now ex) mother in law made a comment about how the family room could use a good dusting...I was on the floor playing a game with my daughter. I got up went to where I kept my cleaning supplies, got a dust rag and the "Pledge" brought them back and handed them to her and told her to have a good time...I was too busy playing a game with my daughter to worry about the dust at that moment. She promply set the cleaning supplies down and joined us on the floor for the game. It is simple, YOU have to decide which is more important. Ask yourself if the dusbunnies under the sofa are going to matter in another 20 years...or will the realtionship with your child matter?

Answer 5

I was a teacher for 7 years, and once we started having children, we decided I would stay at home full time. You can NEVER get back those moments with your little ones. But for me, its not just about that. Its knowing 100% without a doubt that my children are safe. So many people try to convince themselves that they have found the "perfect" babysitter. But unfortunately, no one can replace you, and no one really knows what goes on when you aren't there.

As for rushing during the evenings/weekends, that is not the way life should be. I saw so many kids when I taught, who themselves were stressed out to the max because they saw their parents for maybe 3 hours in a 24 hour period, and also, they were being shuttled around from activity to activity because their parents thought that is what makes a good parent- putting your kids in all those extra activities! Kids just want to be with their parents. My oldest is in school and she comes home before 2:00pm each day. That gives us at least 6 full hours to just be together and have fun! Kids need to be able to just play and be kids.

My point is, don't let anyone try to tell you whats best for you. If you are feeling this way, there's a reason for it. You can always work when they are older! But you can never get those moments back that you may miss.

Answer 6

Atleast you get summers and evenings with them. A lof of parents work night jobs year round, and get home in the morning, and don't see there children besides to send them off to school. I am pregnant for the first time and i am stressing about the same issue, but my b/f is inconsiderate. I had a miscarriage a month ago, and just got re-pregnant. i had the miscarriage came home from the dr. and was crying. he said you know u could be doing something around here. he's just mean. now will you answer my question? under womens health (HELP ME) and had a miscarriage could be having another(under pregnancy) i need answers thanks.
Marajean

Answer 7

If you can afford it stay home. I'm hoping to again with my new baby. Quit with my first until she was in K. started working had a baby in Dec. will finish this year but hope to stay home next year. I too teach and am looking so forward to the summer.

Answer 8

Well--you are one of those moms who is totally into her kids--and I relate to you! I will have to go to work to complete required hours...and I'll do them--but I know that I will be mainly a SAHM...You have to trust your instincts--Yes--the time with our kids does go by--Youy have to decide what you want and our society does not make the choice easy--You feel like you are wasting your education and opportunities to help others and other children, right?...But your primary job and responsibility is to your own children...That is not to say that I am judging moms who work--It's all about choices--but if you are FEELING this in your heart--missing your children and your time with them--then I would encourage you to stay home...I LOVE being home with my son--and yes--I love my education and the doors it will open for me--but do I need to walk through those doors now? Not necessarily. I mean, your education and skills can be useful AFTER your kids are older..I look at it this way--I am an educated, creative woman with skills and talents--so my son and future children will reap the benefits of this first--then I will help others--...Yes--our society is very short term--they want results NOW--it's nice to have a job and get money NOW--it's nice to get praise and respectability for using our education and skills/talents NOW..it's nice to feel that we can tell others we are contributing NOW--but our kids may pay and we never get those years back--Again--I am NOT criticizing moms who choose to work for whatever reason--everyone makes their own choice--but your education or training can be used LATER to help others--you only have this one chance to help your kids--NOW--put your kids first and you will guarantee that you will be happy NOW & LATER...

Dramatic? maybe--but it is because I am in a similar situation and your question hits home--I am completing my degree--loving it--(alternative program-on weekends)--yet I know I love being home--so how do I justify my education?..Well--not all benefits are in the present--trust that all things work out for a reason--and now is the time for you to be a mom--Follow Your Bliss--and it sounds like a lot of that is being a MOM!!! Have Fun!!

Answer 9

I say be there for your kids. If you think you NEED to be there and quit, then do it. Intuition is always the best compass. If you want to quit, with your experience I bet you could teach community classes or tutor. I would love to have my kids tutored by an actual teacher if they needed it.