but we had no money. now i have a steady job, and we can afford holidays, i want to take my fiance to bali for a holiday, and really let our hair down. but my fiance insists we take out daughter. when we are planning to leave, she will be over 12 months old, and both our parents have offered to mind our daughter for the 5 days we will be away. i cant believe that i am feeling resentlful of my own daughter.
are there any other first time fathers, or mothers out there who have experienced the same thing? i love my daughter to death, but feel like i am a bad parent for wanting to have just my fiance and i on a holiday.
what do people think?
2007-02-03 00:24:34 · 11 answers · asked by deaity 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I say this, your daughter is still very young and will not remember the vacation anyways. Since you have both sets of grandparents willing to keep her for a few days i say go for it!! Only because i personally know what it's like to not have anyone to keep your little ones even for date nite with my hubby. For the past 3 yrs our son has been everywhere with us, i mean everywhere. Which is fine and of course i love my son and it's hard for me to leave him even for a few hours but were having our second baby in April and now realize it's going to be even harder to be alone. Think about it, your going to Bali!! One of the most romantic places on earth, it will be like a second honey moon or first...lol! I could understand if she were older than you should defiantly take her but she's still very young and there are going to be things you just can't do with a toddler to look after.
You should take the opportunity now because one day you wont have the chance.
2007-02-03 01:13:57 · answer #1 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I'm glad you are open with how you are feeling, alot of people will just go with the flow and end up really being unhappy. Having a baby definitely changes the dynamics of a relationhip and I'd worry if you didn't crave alone time with you honey... It's natural to want that time.
My suggestion to you though is to spend the holidays with your daughter and the family... It is a time when you create memories and traditions. Your finace may also be having trouble wanting to leave your baby girl for that long... My daughter is five and I've only been away from her for two days... My preferance...
You might want to plan a special weekend or trip before or after the holidays.. It will be equally as special. Just talk to your honey and see what you can come up with...
Have fun....
2007-02-03 08:53:09 · answer #2 · answered by luv2syd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My cousin has two children that are about 5 and 7 and she always leaves them at home when she goes on vacation. She just came back from Cancun and she's usually a great parent but when it comes to taking a vacation, she just drops the kids where ever someone will take them. I personally believe that once you have kids, it's like giving up your freedom to those personal vacations with just your significant other. But obviously there are different view points on it because my cousin believes what you believe, vacationing without the kids. I can see a date night without the kids but leaving them with Grandma and Grandpa for over week seems like a while unless someone is having health problems and such. I'd say if you were planning on taking this vacation since before you daughter was born then go ahead and leave her with the grandparents but if you just don't want to take her because she's a trouble or burden to you then I don't think it's right to leave her at home. Either way, you're not going to be able to please everyone so either choice will have to do.
2007-02-03 08:38:02 · answer #3 · answered by JoAnn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not a bad parent.
You have just spent 1 year of dealing with a lot of demands on you. Women most of all do the work...it is emotional too.
You do need a break. If your daughter will be in good hands, my dear go take 5 days and refresh yourself.
Don't worry- you will feel guilty...but don't spend the entire vacation feeling that way. Tell your husband that this is good for everybody. Grandparents will love to have grand daughter, you will love to have him-everybody will be okay.
Hey you lucky girl!
2007-02-03 08:53:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand that feeling of wanting things to be back to normal with your finance (normal as in prebaby). As a first time mom I had a hard time adjusting and it was my husband who was a pro at our new life together.
I will say, we travelled with our son many times. He travelled first to San Francisco when he was 6 months old. The flight was a straight flight for 5 1/2 hours. He did so well! And, I was nursing and we managed it just fine. Really, he was the most well behaved of us all. WE all got cranky except him.
Recently at 10 months we travelled from the USA (Ohio) to Chennai India. Then from there we had trains and cars to get to my husband's parents place. I was really suprised how great he was. He slept well and was in happy spirits the whole time. I couldn't imagine going away and leaving my baby. He's part of me he grew inside me for nine months and after that I breastfed him for almost 9 months. We're connected and right now being without him for any length of time would kill me.
I think your fiance would not have a bit of fun without her baby. When our babies are with us (their moms) we feel secure. We know they are okay and safe. WE know they've been fed and taken care of. Not to say the grandparents won't do the same. But, he's still young right now. And, leaving him for that long is daunting for a first time mom.
Besides, I can tell you from experience you will get great joy out of showing her something new! Imagine her in a little girl bikini on the beaches of bali. What great fun! Watching teh water - she'll be so amused by the sand and waves. Then, when you go touristing everything will make her laugh and smile. She'll try the local food and keep you both in stitches!
Trust me, the first time we took our son for curry in India was great! I loved watching him chow on idlis and dosas. He captured everyone's heart with his enthusiam for everything new.
Not only did we manage it but it was great fun!
If you really want to be alone together I say you should start having your daughter spend a night with said grandparent. That way she'll know what's going on with the baby. And it will get her used to the idea of leaving her.
2007-02-03 09:17:39 · answer #5 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We took our son to Barbados when he was 8 months old & just recently when he was 20 months old. I personally wouldn't dream of leaving him at home. I will be honest he wasn't planned and before he was born we had a very small mortgage and plenty of money BUT all that changed the day he was born - we have a huge mortgage and quite a bit of debt but it is managable. At the end of the day we created him, we love him and I certainly dont see him as a thorn in my side so to speak.
My advice - Take her with you it will be the making of you and if my experiences are anything to go by then you will enjoy it & so will your little girl. However It doesen't make you a bad parent mate, you deal with parenthood HOW YOU see fit and not what anybody else tells you to do !
2007-02-03 08:33:23 · answer #6 · answered by Borat Sagidiyiv 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I just got back from Mexico for 5 days and we left our 18month old daughter with family--IT WAS FANTASTIC! We missed her but she had a blast with my mom and sisters AND we got some much needed alone time. We feel that if you make special time to be alone together our parenting improves. We are also very committed to making our marriage work for a lifetime so couple time is very important to us. You are not a bad parent, you need a vacation. Also from experience, we have taken our daughter on several vacations and trust me--YOU do not get a vacation (as a mom). Good luck and have fun!
2007-02-03 08:41:10 · answer #7 · answered by hope95431 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys deserve some time if is has been 12 months since you have been alone together. Go for it. If others want to watch her for you thats great! You need time, dont feel bad. Every parent needs time to get away. Have fun and enjoy yourself. DO NOT feel bad one bit! HAVE FUN!
2007-02-03 10:50:26 · answer #8 · answered by Heather A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go for it.It would be a good idea and help ease any tensions the baby may feel of your being a new parent. This could help you relax and give you both a chance to step back and enjoy each other.
2007-02-03 08:43:56 · answer #9 · answered by Mid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all how old are you guys, it sounds that you are young and that is simply why you should Wait
I had my 3kids before i was 16, the 1st one i was 13 but the circumcises i was in different my parent sold me foe 50 grands,to a million er so i tell you what my whole teenage life is gone.it happens do not resent my kids its not there fault. remember 1st time mom get too attached to baby there afraid to leave with anyone
2007-02-03 08:41:11 · answer #10 · answered by Dove4ever 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋