my daughter since she is 1,5 years old and till now she is acting same as she doesnt love me or love her dad when she is with her cousin or when she is in my in laws place and i dont realy know what to do any more, when she sees them she will start crying and asking be if she can stay at thier place or she will keep sayingto me i dont love u and i dont want u to be my mum and this thing borthers me alot and she do same thing with her dad , i mean if i leave her with them she will never ask for me and when she sees me picking her up she will start crying and she do same thing when i pick her up from child care she will be crying to go with my sister in law telling me that she doesnt love me . iam realy concerd about this and i dont know if punishing her or hitting her will help or make it worst she is 3 now and she is getting worst and nothing changes ,please help me and advice me if u have one i dont know how to make her loving us and not telling us this
2007-02-02 23:32:46 · 13 answers · asked by cute answear 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Yes, this can be perfectly normal. She has learned how to manipulate you. Is it possible that the school and relatives enviroments are more "permissive"?. If so, then of course that is what she wants. If not, she has discovered a mode of behavior that is upsetting to you and is testing you. What she really wants to know is that she is going to be loved unconditionally. So, please dont punish her by spanking her. Just tell her firmly, "Im sorry you feel that way, but mommy still loves you anyway". DO NOT give her extra treats or extra attention, or you will be just reinforcing this kind of behavior. Once she gradually starts realizing that it does NOT affect YOUR behavior to HER, it will slowly and gradually dissapear. Not over-reacting in EITHER direction is the key here. Remember, "I'm sorry you feel that way but mommy still loves you anyway" but "now its time to go home" or "now its time to go to bed" etc, is the way. You cannot make her tell you that she loves you. She will when she's ready. And thats not your job as a parent anyway. Your job is to love and care for her regardless of her reactions. As parents, we are in this for what we GI VE, not what we GET. Its tough love at first, but it works. Chart the course, Stay with it.---theBerean
2007-02-02 23:58:37 · answer #1 · answered by theBerean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok well there are a bunch of things happening here. 1. It sounds like she needs more one on one time with you. 2. She quite possibly is hyper active and needs more activities to occupy her mind 3. She likes the negative-positive dynamic of your discipline. Try praising her more when she hasn't done anything wrong previously. Like if she's just sitting there coloring or playing, tell her out of the blue what a good job she's doing. Do that more often. Stop praising or rewarding her after punishments 4. She probably needs more physical activities than regular children. Try implementing these things and see if her behavior changes. Edit- if she respects you she will listen to you more easily. Also, if you can't handle her because of physical issues than you need to let a different foster family have her. Her life is very important. Anything negative you do is just going to compound the problems she has as an adult. You need to consider that. Well it could be that she was told she was a good girl a lot at home and then got taken away. She might have the impression that if she doesn't get negative attention that she'll be taken away again.
2016-05-23 22:49:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as there is no abuse happening in your home i would say that your daughter is using this behaviour to gain attention from the in-laws or others. They probably shower her with pity & attention when she behaves like this. Don't punish or hit your child for behaving like this as you are just feeding the problem & making it bigger. Get some professional advice & reassure your daughter regularly that you love her & mention all the special things she has/does that makes her special to you. Don't ever compete with or put down the other family members in front of your daughter & just try & stay calm & in control.
2007-02-02 23:41:01 · answer #3 · answered by Mishell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 3 and does this sometimes.
She does it in a smart ass way and only does it when we are visiting her grandparents.
She will say "me dont love you no more and wanna live with nonna and not you and daddy" and then she will laugh or smile...
It IS an attention thing, who wants to go with mum and dad when they are with us 24/7, so when the oppurtunity comes to go with someone exciting they will....
A few times my daughter has refused to come home with me from my mums so I have got into the car and drove home (which my mum said to do) and 20 mins later she will call me up to tell me that nonna is driving her home now becuz she misses me.
Maybe you should try that, when she doesnt want to go with you, leave her with your relative and see what happens..!
Dont worry it is a phase, I did how ever teach my daughter that saying she doesnt love us is not nice and we all have to love one another becuz we are family and we only have each other to love, that worked...!
2007-02-03 01:25:14 · answer #4 · answered by Rebekah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your other family members are obviously giving her the attention she at 3 needs! My daughter is 3 too and I am her whole world but 3 year old girls are attention seekers and love to get attention from other people when they can! If she cries when she sees you, this is not good, she should be greeting you with open arms! DO NOT hit or punish her for this! Love her, play with her and tell her that she is your whole world which is what she should be to you, and your relationship with her will get better!
2007-02-02 23:50:54 · answer #5 · answered by Naomi A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not physically, sexually or mentally abusing her than she should not act out in that way. Are you sure nobody in your home is harming her (ie..father, male figure, sibling). If none of the above is happening than I would say she does not have a bond with you or she is bored. Try sitting her down (at her level) and tell her it makes you sad that she says "I don't love you" and that you love her. Also ask her if something is the matter (you may be surprised) and ask that if more mommy/daughter time is needed or wanted by her, tell her that you want to be with her and do fun things with her, but if she doesn't want to than its okay, but its not okay to say hurtful things. Try role playing with dolls, have her doll be the mommy and you be her, act out what usually happens and ask her how she feels. Good luck!
2007-02-03 02:59:09 · answer #6 · answered by tammy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh they go through all sorts of stages. So do not worry.
At the same time , if you are disciplining her a bit too much, or not giving her quality time, it may be attention seeking.
You are the one sending her to child care, so that is her complain against you. Give her love. Not punishment.
2007-02-02 23:48:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have read a book some year back
" All the time I was growing up, it was funny-i was closer to my mother than my father, she was the one who was more loving-.........' why i do not know?
Perhaps opposite sex.
My daughter was also very close in early childhood. But as she grew little elder, due to our custom where girl child keeps little away from male.
But she still loves more me than mom
2007-02-03 00:01:29 · answer #8 · answered by pushpam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, thats not normal. It sounds like she is very bored at home. Spanking will only make her worse, so please dont do that. Try playing games with her. Do you spend time with her like that? You can read books to her also, or take her to a park. You need to try and fix this soon before she gets older or you'll really have big problems. Good Luck.
2007-02-02 23:43:22 · answer #9 · answered by pebbles 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT hit her or punish her in any way.
Try to make her time with you more interesting. Can't you see that she wants company - someone to play with. You are her mother. You should be playing and singing and doing all kinds of things with her.
2007-02-02 23:42:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋