Im eight months pregnant and do not want the father to see the baby until my first csa payment, is that so bad

Question

We planned this baby and were due to marry, but after telling EVERYONE I was pregnant demanded I have an abortion. Anyway I have moved house, I get on great with his Dad and so on. He has moved and refused to tell me where he lives and refused to pay child support when the baby come. I will not be having his name on the birth certificate, so he will have to prove he is the dad and pay child support and take responsibilty THEN he is welcome to meet his baby. I am not on benefits I work full time and have just paid over £2500 in nursery stuff and prams, why should he get off scot free and leave me and my family to foot the bill, for food, clothing and education?

Any of those the father has a right, well on the birth certificate will be blank and we were not married, so legally he has no rights until he coughs up!

To add if I was a child I would want nothing to do with a man who thought so little of me and my mum that he will not so much as part with 99p for a rattle.

Why destroy your child's self esteem, just so the Dad can massage his ego and have a relationship? My child deserves better commitment.

Phish I earn a good salary and own my house outright. I do not and will not claim any benefits. Not all single women need goverment assistance. This is about him taking responsiblity NOT the goverment.

Im only stopping the father from seeing the child if he CHOOSES not to pay, so he has a CHOICE.

If I were a child I would want nothing to do with a mean father, especailly if my mother has enough for private school, nice house etc.

I will bring up my child with the attitude with rights come responsibilties, so letting some dead beat who won't pay see my baby is not a good example.

JUDE Birth certificate does not have father unknown it is just left blank, also in the UK there is no longer such a thing as a illigitimate child, so therefore they are entitled to inheritance and so on, if the father dies. This is the law so please don't assuming laws of thirty years ago.

CHUCK I bought ALL these nursery items my self. The father claims he does not have to pay as I have more than him. Would suit me fine if he immigrated, FOREVER, but doubt such fortune.

HERBS I child can hardly resent you for what? Seeing someone who did not want to pay, wanted him aborted. Come on children are not that stupid, especailly if they have a loving caring home, inspite of having a dead beat dad. Do you think children are that stupid? I would have more respect for a mother who had boundaries for men.

Herbs He did want to raise a family with me and probably still does. He just wants total control and now this is his only way of control, because he is a like that. So yes he can have his control, but leave me and the baba out of it, until he back down.

Anyone saying bargaining tool, I think not, my child is not a toy so that anyone can see, he is as good as a anyone until he pays.

MADGE for a start if your not married the father has to be there. he has not given me a forwarding address, am i suppose to chase him with private dectectives, of course no body wants this for their child, but that is not my fault. He chooses not to tell me where he lives to avoid csa payment, he chooses to be controlling. He has made these choices himself. Had he said "Ok, it takes two to tango, I will love and support the child, even though were not together" no problem. He will just use his name on the birth certificate as a way to interfere but no support.

I think there is a lot of folk on here that are not interested in protecting a child. They cannot see the whole picture. Yes ok I will let a man have his own way, as he is the father! Come on, we all know men and women have emotional problems later in life from their parents NOT protecting them, that is what a child resents more than not seeing a parent who will not pay and has not supported their mother whatsoever.

TIANA FACT as before mentioned being on birth certificate DOES NOT IN UK affect the child's support, as mentioned before in the uk there is no longer such a thing as illigitimate, which means they are still entitled to inheritance and everything, just the father has no rights. Secondly, I would not let my child see some drug user, get a grip, you are a bad mother for excusing such deplorable behaviour. You should be protecting your child.

Answer 1

I totally agree. I am so sick of hearing Mothers being slated for things like this.

Why on Earth would you introduce ANYONE into to your child's life if they have proved themselves to be such an unreliable waste of space and are not willing to make any effort to redeem themselves?
Why should you have to pay for this child by yourself you did not create them by yourself?

This happens all the time and the view of the general public makes me sick to my stomach. You have said you are not on benefits but what if you were? You planned this child with your partner then he ditches you so through no fault of your own you're single, it would not be surprising or bad if you ended up living on income support. However you would get slated left right and centre for scrounging off the government, meanwhile there is no mention of the man who helped bring the child into the world he is let off scot free.

So YES stick by your guns. If your child resents you (and lets face it most kids end up resenting their parents for something) wait till the are older nd explain that you did this for THEM.

Being a parent is all about doing whats best for your child regardless of how hard it is and what others might say, this is the right thing to do. The alternative of allowing him into your child's life with no responsibility towards them then doing a vanishing act at any stage is far more damaging.

Answer 2

You do realize your chances of getting divorced before you are 25 are about 99%, right? If you travel to Ga without parental consent, you do realize your parents can have him locked up, right? Yep, if your bf takes you out of state against your parents wishes, your dad can have him locked up. Yes, he sure can have it annulled. If you were my 16 yr old daughter, I'd tell you to adopt the baby out to some couple who is able to raise the child, so the child can have everything it needs. And your bf would be locked up, and I'd forbid you and him seeing each other as well. We need more parents like your dad. I really don't think you've thought all this through. Since you have an uphill battle ahead, being 16, pregnant, and marriage, premarital counseling would be a very good idea, especially since you have a very high liklihood of divorce by the time you are 25. How do you expect to support this baby? I'm guessing your bf maybe works a job at about $8-$10 max an hour. That's not enough to support you and a baby. Even if you get a job, you'll either be working a Wal Mart type job, or fast food, neither of which will be enough, either. Your father is probably witholding that SS card because he knows the enormous mistake you are about to make, and doesn't want to see you get hurt. Your father is actually much smarter than your bf. If your bf was smart, he wouldn't have been having sex with you, and yet taking you to run off and get married against your dad's wishes. If the bf was smart and really loved you, he'd say you two can wait with marriage and he'd do everything to develop a good relationship with your dad.

Answer 3

You have the right as the mother to decide if and when the father sees the baby. If he really wanted to see the baby then he would not have moved away. I personally don't blame you for not wanting him to see your baby. You might be doing your child a favor by not letting the father see him/her. Who's to know that the father won't be one of those fathers want only want to be a part time dad. You don't need your child to go through life wondering if he/she is going to see or her from their father. I'm went through the same thing with my daughters father. She is now 11 and he has seen her a total of 10X's her whole life. Believe me it hurts to her your child ask over and over again "Why don't my daddy love me?" I made him pay child support before he could see her. Just a word of advice, make sure the child support is payroll deducted. That way you are sure to get it. You have the right to know where is at all time because you are mothering him child. If I was you I would put him on the "Dead beat dad list". Lord knows there are thousands of them on there. As far as the birth certificate goes you don't have to name the father at all. Most of the time if your not married the father won't even be mentioned.
Good luck and may God bless you and your child.

Answer 4

I agree that when you make a child you should support that child. But, you should not use that child as a weapon to punish each other. You have to be the bigger person and the better parent. Just because you two have ill will does not mean that either of you should visit it on your child. You need to remember that you aren't just depriving your ex of his child, you are also depriving your child of his/her father. Is he a worthy father? From what you say, probably not. However, you don't want to be the reason that your child doesn't know it's father. That seriously opens up the possibility that your child will resent you for that in the future. Go to court to enforce your financial rights and keep your child out of it. If your ex turns out to be a major *** but a phenomenal father then you may not benefit, but your child will. On the other hand if your ex turns out to be a **** dad, then you will never have to look your child in the face and explain that you kept him/her away from his/her father.
Good Luck

Answer 5

I don't think that is wrong at all. Sounds to be as if you have done nothing wrong and have done everything yourself so far!
If you ask me, you are being leaniant by letting him see the baby at all after the way he has acted; there is no excuse for it, even if he is just scared of this sudden 'commitment.' But to be honest, if he didn't want it, he should have thought of that before! Men need to start taking a lot more responsibilities for their actions.
No one can control your decisions to do with the child - Fortunately, it is your unconditional power to make the decisions involving your child being their mother and having carried them for 9 months! However, he is the father of your baby at the end of the day, and as much as I say he is lucky to get to see the baby at all, he is within his rights to see them if he wants!
In short, I don't believe your decision is wrong at all, you are more than right to make the choices you have!

Answer 6

I completely AGREE with you. Don't let him see the child unless he is willing to help. And it doesn't matter if you make more money then him if he wants to be a part of this childs life then he needs to support it. To boot if he was telling you that you should abort the child then do you really want him involved anyways? I was in a similar situation and if i could change things and not involve the father i would. You really need to figure out if having him involved is in you and your childs best interest.

Answer 7

Your ex sounds like a complete and utter tosser and so do all those people who think that you claim benefits (despite saying that you work full time).

I dont think the baby will suffer from their dad not seeing them. In fact in this case it sounds like you and your family can do this all on your own, its better to have no dad than a dad who tells you everyday that he didnt want you.

Good luck with the baby and dont get yourself stressed over a complete **** like this. Until he is willing to support your child, he doesnt deserve a place in the childs life.

Anyone can father a child but it takes dedication to be a dad.

Answer 8

I understand how you feel. Being a dad is about taking responsibility and if he can't do that then he has no rights. Hopfully, for the sake of the baby, he will start taking responsibility but, like you said, he shouldn't get away without supporting his child, so lay down the ground rules.

Answer 9

If he says he will not pay child support you will be playing into his hands by not putting his name on the birth certificate. Do you really want your child to have a birth certificate that states "father unknown" how awful for your child. You are understandably angry with his irresponsible attitude, but need to think further ahead for the sake of your child state his name on the birth certificate and take the bastard for child support. Take care of yourself and baby.

Answer 10

I dont agree with using kids as pawns BUT, this phrase is so often used by deadbeat dads, who are not fullfilling their responsibilities. if you saw your child but didnt provide for her physically your baby would be put in care, which means it is not acceptable for the resident parent to half parent their kids...and yet it seems perfectly acceptable to people that the absent parent(usually the dad) is allowed to get away with what amounts to neglect. my ex was very controlling stll is 8 years after divorce.... he had excellent access with his kids until 1 month ago when they suddenly realised he didnt give a monkeys about them and was more interested in just trying to make my life difficult which in turn affected them.They have chosen to not see him anymore, believe me it is heartbreaking to watch the father of your kids do that to them and if i had my time again i would have done anything to get him out of their lives before he hurt them so badly. no one can tell you what to do but if he is such an @rse at this stage please be warned they can and will make life virtually intolerable for you. good luck, just be true to yourself and make sure that all your decisions are made for the right reasons, im sure you will be fine.